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After effects of living with an alcoholic

  • 26-11-2013 10:53pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    My dad used to be until recently a very bad alcoholic. I'm still in school so I'm living at home with him. He got particularly bad when I was around 13 and remained this way until I was nearly 18. Now he is off alcohol and has attended the GP who has prescribed him anti depressants which he can no longer afford.

    I don't know why but I keep reminiscing negatively on painful memories that I've experienced because of his alcoholism growing up. He is very depressed at times and its very unbearable to live with him when he's like this.

    I try to forgive him but I just cannot. I can't even go into detail about how bad things got towards the end (hopefully) of his alcoholism. He had what I can only describe as a major breakdown.

    All of my secondary school life has revolved around trying to accommodate him and keep up the public persona of normality. I have talked to childline during these times but I'm no longer a child so I have nobody.

    I have been impacted profoundly by his alcoholism during my childhood and am now incredibly shy among large groups of people. In some classes whenever I lose focus I just zone out and end up remembering traumatic events in detail relating to his alcoholism.

    How can I stop remembering what has happened? It's like one memory leads on to another and its so hard to stop remembering.

    Thanks.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Have a look at al-teen (or al-anon) they are support groups for family/people close to alcoholics.

    You are not alone.


  • #3
    Kablamo!
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 879 ✭✭✭Kablamo!


    Have you thought about contacting Al Anon?


  • #4
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Contact Alanon and start going to meetings - you need support, you will get plenty of it there and it will help you to work through your issues. I was the same as you and it sorted me out.


  • #5
    Wednesday Addams
    Closed Accounts Posts: 47 ✭Wednesday Addams


    OP, you have experienced an ongoing childhood trauma and it's only natural that it would affect you still. I would be concerned with the 'zoning' out and the re-occuring memories as these may be indicative of the symptoms of PTSD which include disassociation and flashbacks. Whether this is the issue or not though, you still need to talk to someone. I'd advise seeking out a trained counselling psychologist who is experienced in dealing with trauma issues, I really think this is the best thing for you.


  • #6
    R.D. aka MR.D
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,643 ✭✭✭R.D. aka MR.D


    There is information out there about adult children of alcoholics. i grew up with an alcoholic and when i read about how people grow up with many difficulties because of what they were exposed to, i was surprised that it described my personality so well!

    Get help from a professional and inform yourself. i learned that a lot of my anxieties come from my difficult childhood and it helps me feel a little better.


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  • #7
    Jerrica
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,813 ✭✭✭Jerrica


    Your Dad might now be a recovering alcoholic, but the after effects of the impact of the drinking will stick around for a long time. Living with a parent with any addiction is incredibly distressing, as a child (no matter how old) you repeatedly see them choose their drug of choice over your welfare, and that never gets easier. It's likely going to take quite a while to process everything, and that's ok. Equally it's ok for you to put yourself first for a whole and figure put what your needs are. Al-ateen and Al-anon are great starting points for talking to other people who are familiar with the very unsettling things you may be feeling (again, totally normal!).

    There are a number of counsellors and psychotherapists out there who specialise in addiction, it would probably be worth looking into having a session or two with one.


  • #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi,

    Thanks everyone for the replies!

    I can't go to al-anon because I live in a rural area and can't drive. If I get into college next year I will definitely try and go.

    I don't know if this is a good idea but I'm going to try and think of something happy every time I find myself remembering!

    Thanks again!


  • #9
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 31,219 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    Hi OP!
    You might give teenline a ring if you want a chat. There meant to be helpful.
    1 800 833 634

    http://www.teenline.ie/contact.html


  • #10
    Wednesday Addams
    Closed Accounts Posts: 47 ✭Wednesday Addams


    memories123 wrote: »
    Hi,



    I don't know if this is a good idea but I'm going to try and think of something happy every time I find myself remembering!

    Thanks again!

    Look into mindfulness to help you deal with this, it sounds like mumbo jumbo to start with but it really does work if you stick with it.


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