What's the deal with this?

LegacyUser

Hi all. Looking for unbiased opinion please.

Was with a guy few years ago, thought he was the one, he was on same page etc. great!
All of a sudden he gets cold feet. Breaks up with me a few days before and expensive trip we were to take. still went on trip together to save face and couldn't get refund. For the next year after initial breakup we were on and off as he chooses, treated me quite badly and literally broke my heart over and over every couple of months....After a year if this bullsh*t I move on, was exhausted at this stage of trying to please him!! Got sick of hearing the " I can't commit to you " crap-when it suited him.

Zero contact apart from one text saying sorry etc from him. Replied one word answer as didnt want to get wrapped up again in the bulls*t.

Anyway, 3 years later bumped into him on night out ( he was with gf). He proceeded to tell me he still regrets breaking up with me, still misses me, that he did love me, he's not happy now and taking the easy option etc.

Anyway, next day he Wanted to meet with me sober to expain things, I agreed as long as he told his gf. Needless to say he didn't want to do this.

I understand there was drink involved the night before however I would never disrespect a partner by saying that stuff to an ex , especially if there was no contact for three years?!

I don't know why I'm even wasting time thinking about this, is this manipilation or am I over thinking things? I suppose I'm just a bit annoyed. He knew how strong I felt for him and then says this crap when he is unavailible to me, not that I would ever go there.



Thanks

blatantrereg

I think it would be a very bad idea to have any further contact with him. He wasn't very nice to you before. Now he is not being nice to his current gf. Life is too short to waste time on crap people.

maria34

He didnt want to commit but has a gf?? Thats commiting is ut not?

He is ready to cheat. That says it all.

He does not love you. Somebody who loves you doesnt treat you like this.

m'lady

He's a game player- stay away! It's not worth getting sucked in, you will only end up hurt again.. Move on for your own sake OP X

LegacyUser

Hi OP here. Apologies, I didn't make myself clear. He got with another girl about 6 months after we finished. He was not involved when we were together or going through our on / off phase.

During the conversation he told me that he didn't get in touch with me as I had moved on with someone else.

Typer Monkey

Uurgh what an arrogant head-melting ar*ehole! What a catch he is, belittling his gf right in front of her. He wanted the ego boost of knowing he could still manipulate you or 'have you' if he wanted. Don't for a minute be thinking that he's been pining for you all this time. He was just spinning you a line. Please don't give him the ego boost he's looking for by contacting him or meeting up with him. Your self respect is worth more than that!

CaraMay

I understand he treated you badly but let's face it you were a willing accomplice. I personally can't blame people I let treat me badly for doing it as it would imply I had no input to the relationship.

So you know he treated you badly and you know he has a gf so why is he on your radar? So he can treat you badly again in the future?

You have your closure here. He told you he regretted breaking up with you so take that, feel smug and sorry for his poor gf and move on.

Merkin

God he sounds like a right charmer :rolleyes: He may not have given you the commitment you wanted but it seems his definition of commitment is going out with some poor woman while sleazing over his ex and probably trying to line you up as his bit on the side. Stay well clear of this man and thank your lucky stars that your not his girlfriend, you'd be miserable and you deserve more.

osarusan

Unreg-for now wrote: »

not that I would ever go there.

You sure? Your posts (or the fact that you posted at all) suggests you might be considering 'going there'.

If you are considering it, don't do it. As other posters have suggested, this guy is bad news and will treat you badly again, if you let him.

Don't let him.

DeltaWhite

I have to agree with CaraMay here OP


I was you a few years ago.. I was like a lap dog for an ex. He literally ripped my heart in two when he said he had "commitment" issues and couldn't be with me.

I got the whole "it's not you, it's me" bullsh*t and honestly when I look back now I wish I would have just said toodles and left him to it.. But I didn't

I continuously went back to him over and over like some sick love puppy and he continued to sleep with me, but didn't want me. I was handed to him on a platter for months on end and he was happy with this..

I was the one who caused that to carry on. I was a fool that couldn't see what I was doing. My fault for allowing myself to be treated like that. I should have just walked away.

It's been 4 years now, and I'm with someone else who is million times better
And my ex has apparently been pining after me from what I've heard through the grapevine. Even asked for my number from one of my friends.. Which I didn't allow. I have no feelings for him whatsoever now. He wasn't a good person to me then and he wouldn't be now, or never.

Step the hell away from this man and do not look back.
It didn't work once, it wont work again.

Zambia

Count your blessings and run away

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

I understand he treated you badly but let's face it you were a willing accomplice. I personally can't blame people I let treat me badly for doing it as it would imply I had no input to the relationship.

So you know he treated you badly and you know he has a gf so why is he on your radar? So he can treat you badly again in the future?

Caramay: Good point. Yes I was part to blame as I let it happen. I was quite vulnerable due to other circumstances, all of which he knew about . Yes he has gf now, again they are on off (No surprise there) However, he is not on my radar as I would not go there again after being treated so badly. IMO even speaking or being in contact with me was disrespectful his current gf. He would do the same to me.We had something so special and he screwed the whole thing up and I let him walk all over me.

Orasuran: Don't think I would go there. I loved him however he hurt me to much and two occasions he broke my trust by talking to other girls about our *very* personal/intimate issues -I couldn't trust him again after doing that. I'm more p*ssed that he said anything to me. I would have given anything to hear all that back then , but he says it when he's unavailable. Its like he wanted to mess with my head?

Deltawhite: The situation you were in, I could have written that post myself. :-) It is great you have moved on and are happy now.

I agree with all posts, it seems that some people get a kick out of messing with peoples heads. I suppose it p*ssed me off more than anything. I know I'd fall straight back in love with him so need to see it for what it is / was- Manipulation and ego boost on his side.

Thank god they are not all like that :-) It's good to get an unbiased opinion on these sort of things AKA a reality check :-) thank you for replies ;-)