Help with Depression?

LegacyUser

I’m looking for some advice on how to get some help. Just to clarify I’m not looking for medical advice

I suspect I have suffered with depression and anxiety most of my life. And most recently suffered post natal depression after the birth of my little girl. Being back at work and leaving her is pure torture. I cry most mornings feeling like the worst mother to this poor child. Returning something to a shop leaves me anxious for a whole day. Making a phone call outside of work fills me with dread

My problem is that I am a very passive, obedient type of person – a people pleaser desperate to get some kind of twisted approval from my boss, my parents, random people on the street. I was brought up to be submissive and cooperative. Carrying this through into adulthood I have become a doormat, never speaking up or standing up for myself. It’s like I just never learnt how to be assertive and I just clam up at the first hint of confrontation of any kind.

My job is client facing and I would consider myself quite good at it. I’m friendly, helpful and personable. I deal with new people every day and in work this isn’t a problem. I put my ‘work hat’ on and get on with it

During the last few years I find that when I go to seek help I put my ‘work hat’ on and I find it impossible to express my feelings and the difficulties I am having. I find myself slip into this ‘role’ and speak and behave like everything is fine. I smile, laugh and nod along and then leave frustrated and demotivated. I feel like no one takes me seriously and I’m looking for an excuse to go out sick or something

I desperately want some help. I’ve called 2 helplines in the last few months and both have said to see my doctor. I don’t live in the area I grew up in and as such don’t have a trusted family doctor

Money is very tight and I have no choice but to work and commute long hours. My family deserve more than this sad, empty, broken person I am now. I feel so stuck and paralysed and I know I need some help. Previously I have done many years of counselling and while I think it would be mildly helpful I have neither the money or the time. The benefits previously were huge and helped me greatly but I learnt a lot then about myself and who I am and how I tick – I need to do something about it now

Any comments would be appreciated

Xlami

Your story inspires me. Please stay strong

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Hi chocolatecake1

Your story really hits home for me. I know there are councelling services that have a voluntary donation policy too if you can find them. The Village Councelling Service in Tallaght Dublin 24 do this for it's clients.

If you look at the aware website you might find a support group in your area that you could go to once a week. It's scary to meet new people and you will be anxious at first, but it might be the time for you to get the support you need.

My mam always says an empty sack won't stand and that means your emotions too - If you feel empty inside you need to take time to fix it so you can then be in a position to support the ones you love, like your baby girl.

I hope you get the help you need right now - change is tough and it takes courage but I believe it will make things better for you.

Best of luck

*internent hugs*

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