Do you reckon this guy is interested?

LegacyUser

Me and this guy have been speaking for 2 months just general casual conversations about how we are and what we're up to etc.. I'm 20 he's 27. He's suggested meeting about 3 weeks ago just said “are you going out this weekend? I'll be out Sunday if you're in town . We haven't messaged as much this week. I messaged him at the weekend. We had our casual conversations he said “I'll be in Wexford next week you should come down” but i said I was busy and as I didn't want to go there since we haven't met. Then he asked 
"Have you ever been ice skating?" I said "Yeah but I always fall and asked if he'd been. He said"Na I've never been but always wanted to go. Maybe if you decide to meet up we could do that unless you're too worried you might fall and kill yourself lol" 
I replied "Yeah we could would be fun haven't been in years. Haha I'm not too bad with the falling might be better the next time I go lol." 

After he asked where in Dublin I was from he's there alot he didn't bring it up again, I don't know if it's because there's loads of ice rinks open here. We just spoke casually about how our day was, and what we were doing etc. He didn't reply back to the last message me just saying what I was doing an asked if he watched this show. 
I was thinking maybe I Should I ask him out instead for the week after. 
saying "Hey hows things? How was your weekend get up to much? I should be free next weekend if you still wanna go ice skating?" We haven't spoke as much in the past 2 weeks like during the week mainly at the weekend maybe because we already get along.
I reckon he could be interested but we've been speaking so long and maybe just wants to meet? I've said I was busy most times possibly thinks I don't want to meet.
Or should I wait for him to suggest ice skating again? Should I assume he's interested since he's been casually asking me out? What do you think does he seem interested?

SingItOut

Me and my partner were speaking for 6 months before we actually met up, each time we were supposed to something always came up but eventually we met and very quickly became a couple. If this guy is still speaking to you quite regularly after two months (not a long time) and suggesting an activity for you both to do then yes I would assume he is interested. Suggest maybe a Skype "date" before you meet to ease your mind?

LegacyUser

SingItOut wrote: »

Me and my partner were speaking for 6 months before we actually met up, each time we were supposed to something always came up but eventually we met and very quickly became a couple. If this guy is still speaking to you quite regularly after two months (not a long time) and suggesting an activity for you both to do then yes I would assume he is interested. Suggest maybe a Skype "date" before you meet to ease your mind?

Oh I've met other guys before from the site but usually we meet quickly. I don't mind meeting him. I haven't spoken to him as much last week and this week but we did at the weekend after I messaged him thats when he suggested the ice skating after I turned down the Wexford as I didn't want to end up at his house or something. He didn't reply to my last message but we did speak since the ice skating message. It was just him asking what I'd been up to and how my day was he'd already said his and I just replied and asked him if he watched this show he didn't reply to it. It's probably nothing . I'm not sure if maybe he's not sure how interested I am? and just thinking I want to chat without meeting.
I know at the start when we got talking he asked my intentions I said just going with the flow getting to know someone and take it from there. He said just fun. I thought he'd have stopped talking to me since I weren't into that. He hasn't brought up sex or anything like most guys usually do when they are after that. It seems like maybe he has? I did see him in the relationship section on the dating site before . I don't really like skype video chats I'd be fine with meeting him.

Should I message him over the weekend to ask him out for next week? maybe ice skating would be a good way to break the ice.

banquo

He's interested I'd say, he's probably just cautious for some reason - maybe just shy? Or afraid of being creepy. Or lacks confidence, whatever. That's why he's not asking you out directly.

As a bloke, me, I reckon it's an "If you make the first date he'll make the next'' type situation. He just needs confirmation that you'd accept a date with him. My suggestion: say you like the idea of spending the day with him and ice skating sounds fun, "what do you think?" and he'll very likely say yes. But after that date he'll want to show off and make the next date

LegacyUser

banquo wrote: »

He's interested I'd say, he's probably just cautious for some reason - maybe just shy? Or afraid of being creepy. Or lacks confidence, whatever. That's why he's not asking you out directly.

As a bloke, me, I reckon it's an "If you make the first date he'll make the next'' type situation. He just needs confirmation that you'd accept a date with him. My suggestion: say you like the idea of spending the day with him and ice skating sounds fun, "what do you think?" and he'll very likely say yes. But after that date he'll want to show off and make the next date

I thought the "Yeah we could would be fun haven't been in years. Haha I'm not too bad with the falling might be better the next time I go lol."
was me agreeing to going? or did it not seem direct enough?
I don't know if it's because I've been busy the other times he's asked things but they've all been indirect. I haven't spoken to him since Sunday so I don't if he thinks I'm not interested. I'll send it maybe at the weekend since he said he was gonna be in Wexford this weekend. Would this sound okay to send

"Hey, how are you? are you still up for ice skating? I'm free next week" maybe add in ("if you wanna go?"

Merkin

You're being way too vague. Ask him to go ice skating and tell him you're free next weekend. He has already asked me meet a few times and you haven't been available so cut the chap some slack.

LegacyUser

At the start when we first got talking 2months ago he said he was just looking for fun and I said I was just going with the flow just getting to know someone and take it from there. I didn't expect us to be talking long for that reason. He's never brought up sex or anything. Other guys would try to get you to meet up fast or start talking sexual. He hasn't done any of that we've just been talking a lot and it's only over the past 3 weeks he's brought up the meeting thing.

LegacyUser

I just need to think of the best message to send.
"Hey hows things? How about we go ice skating like you mentioned if you still wanna go? I'm free next week ."

Does that one sound better? or whats a better message to send?

Celly Smunt

gemini206 wrote: »

I just need to think of the best message to send.
"Hey hows things? How about we go ice skating like you mentioned if you still wanna go? I'm free next week ."

Does that one sound better? or whats a better message to send?

Go for it,if he had no interest he wouldn't be texting you in the first place never mind asking you out!.If he doesn't want to or doesn't text back,what have you lost?,nothing.The chap probably thinks you're not interested as much as you think he isn't and is waiting for a clincher.

Text him,ask him,you've got nothing to lose.

CaraMay

Even though he hasn't directly mentioned sex he has said he only wants fun and his idea of a first date was for you to come and stay with him. I think he is definitely just looking for fun

LegacyUser

He mentioned meeting up before that he said he was gonna be in town and asked if I'd be around if I wanted to meet up about 3 weeks ago. He replied back to my message today.
I say at the start that I wasn't looking for fun. Should I still ask him out?
Wouldn't he have left bringing up ice skating if he wasn't just looking for fun? it was like 2 months maybe even 3 months when he said this. We've spoken normal general conversations.

Merkin

I'd leave this if I were you. Your obvious level of anxiety and the amount of time already invested in questioning his motives when you haven't even met him may actually suggest you're simply not ready for dating tbh. Dating should be fun, you just seem disproportionately stressed and uptight about the whole process.

loalae

I reckon the guy is probably interested in meeting up with you. But I don't think he's as invested in the whole thing as you seem to be. He probably sees it as a date whereas it's coming across as if you see this as the start of a potential relationship and I reckon if the date didn't go very well, you could be crushed.

So ask him out if you want to go out with him. But don't EXPECT anything more than an enjoyable evening.

Also, sometimes when you're texting/emailing you need to state explicitly whether or not you're accepting an invitation. BTW I'm not sure he actually asked you to go ice-skating and you certainly didn't say yes to him. It seems like he was hinting that if you asked him, he would say yes.

LegacyUser

Oh I was just curious if he was even when we first got chatting I just saw it as chatting wasn't bothered too much if we would meet or not and didn't wonder if he was interested I was actually in the process of taking a break from the site but we were talking , so I just kept talking to him.
I feel it is a good idea to meet , it's just because I haven't really met anyone from the site since my last relationship the ex from the site which was intense it just happened quickly. I I did meet a few guys right after but realised it wasn't the best idea. I just seem more cautious now to to make the same mistakes but we are talking longer. I'm generally just going with the flow with an open mind taking everything as it comes don't want to rush into anything and it's only one meet . I was thinking it seemed like he wanted me to ask him like he's not sure whether to ask . I don't know if he's thinking of the age difference and that's why he's not being as direct. I'll ask him , I had no idea I came across as not interested and since we are talking this long. I just need to take a chance and stop thinking I'll meet another intense guy I'm just going with the flow and just see what happens.

thegreatgonzo

What exactly do you want to get from this? You seem to be more invested in this than he is. Some guys just like to have women to text or flirt with online and leave it at that from what I've seen

LegacyUser

I'm just going with the flow really as a see what happens approach. I wouldn't be expecting like a relationship or anything as I'd see it as a meet .
He replied back to the last message on Saturday , I didn't ask him yet waiting til he replies to this message later to ask. I don't even know if he wants to , he has asked a few times to meet I brushed off most of them saying I was busy and things like that. He seems to have left the ball in my court to ask him. Which I will later forgot to ask in the reply back.

LegacyUser

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

What exactly do you want to get from this? You seem to be more invested in this than he is. Some guys just like to have women to text or flirt with online and leave it at that from what I've seen

We just chat casually really he doesn't flirt that much it's more just talking getting to know each other , seeing how we are , what we've been up to talk but we have been talking for 2months we spoke about more at the start.

Brego888

gemini206 wrote: »

I'm just going with the flow really as a see what happens approach.

Your previous responses couldn't be further from this. Going with the flow would be having a relaxed, clear and objective view on the whole thing and you seem to be analysing this to death.
To be blunt it's sh*t or get off the pot time. Just ask him outI. If thats too big an ordeal maybe just leave it.

banquo

It seems to me like be broached the subject a few times! Maybe say you happen to be free next weekend or whatever if he feels like doing something, see if he suggests anything!

LegacyUser

I actually didn't realise that he had asked me to meet a few times until I thought about it and remembered that he has. I am definitely going to ask when he's replied to the last message he hasn't really been online or I'll ask tomorrow or Tuesday. I just think I'm trying to not appear to interested to not appear clingy which I'm not I always think if I show interest I'll come across as clingy and just holding back. I am going with the flow I just always wonder about showing too much interest and things like that. I need to trust more really and just relax and see what happens.

Legs.Eleven

Just be careful though, OP: when someone says they want to have "just fun", they usually mean it.

ShaShaBear

OP, if a man says he just wants fun, and only seems to be invested in replying to you when he is trying to get you to where HE lives, it's for fun, and so that he can expect you to leave.
Any honest and in any way tuned-in man on a dating site at 27 years of age would know rightly well how vulnerable a 20 year old woman travelling to a different county to meet a stranger would feel, and he knows how dangerous it is. He would agree to meet you at a neutral location with the option for you both to flee if it didn't work out, or he would agree to meet you on your turf.

This guy doesn't come across as shy or anxious, he comes across as a 27 year old lad using a dating site to get girls to visit him for fun. The reason his texts have cooled off is because he's realised you are reserved about travelling, and he probably will not have much luck "having fun" with you.

LegacyUser

We've been chatting everyday it's only in the last couple of weeks it's been slower but we've been talking the same way for ages , it could be getting boring. Wouldn't he have stopped talking to me ages ago? it just seems a long time to talk if he just wanted "fun" he has dating listed as his intent and not hang out. I'm suprised he hasn't mentioned anything sexual . He seems to have been asking me out more in the last 3 weeks. He only mentioned Wexford once then suggested ice skating a bit after I'm assuming he meant in Dublin. I'm not going to think too much about it I don't know if he'll even meet up, I'll know from his response or meeting him what his intentions are or will be able to judge his character a lot more, it's easier to tell in person.

ShaShaBear

gemini206 wrote: »

We've been chatting everyday it's only in the last couple of weeks it's been slower but we've been talking the same way for ages , it could be getting boring. Wouldn't he have stopped talking to me ages ago? it just seems a long time to talk if he just wanted "fun" he has dating listed as his intent and not hang out. I'm suprised he hasn't mentioned anything sexual . He seems to have been asking me out more in the last 3 weeks. He only mentioned Wexford once then suggested ice skating a bit after I'm assuming he meant in Dublin. I'm not going to think too much about it I don't know if he'll even meet up, I'll know from his response or meeting him what his intentions are or will be able to judge his character a lot more, it's easier to tell in person.

It won't fizzle out if he is texting several women from the same site and trying to see which one he can get to visit him first.
Unfortunately with dating sites I find men that don't show constant and obvious interest are clearly not constantly and obviously interested.
If he were really interested, a trip to Dublin to see you would have been arranged weeks ago.

LegacyUser

So I messaged that guy just said "are you still up for ice skating?I'm free this week"
He said "hey yeah I think I'm gonna head home this weekend so could do it then I'll confirm with you during the week"

An we just chatted about it and talked a bit more . He seemed to respond more positively I seems he thought I wasn't interested.

LegacyUser

banquo wrote: »

It seems to me like be broached the subject a few times! Maybe say you happen to be free next weekend or whatever if he feels like doing something, see if he suggests anything!

He responded very positively when I asked him the "Are you still up for ice skating?I'm free this week if you wanna go?" . He replied "hey yeah I think I'm gonna head home this weekend so could do it then I'll confirm with ya during the week" we just just chatted more about it joking around and chatted. He had asked me out 3 times everytime I said I was busy it must've thought I wasn't interested when I thought I was showing interest when I was only being passive.


I can't skate , he's never been it will be a interesting date as to if either of us can skate.

Merkin

If you don't mind me saying, contrary to what you claim, you are not being at all chilled about this. You're investing an awful lot of headspace in someone you haven't even met as well as disregarding his claim that he's only looking for a bit of fun. Go on the date if you wish but proceed with caution as he is coming across as a messer and you as someone who really REALLY wants a big romance.

LegacyUser

I'm not going to expect too much from the meet , just going to see what happens just have fun. I only asked as we'd been speaking so long I thought we might as well meet since he did ask I just wasn't sure if I wanted to or not.

LegacyUser

I'm a very analytical person about everything , I know it seems like I may be invested I just always analyse everything not just in dating.

LegacyUser

I met up with that guy. We planned on going ice skating we met up in Dundrum. He said he was nervous about ice skating we walked over to the ice rink to watch it for a while , he wasn't sure about it , that maybe he'd just watch. I persuaded him to go but when we went the next session wasn't for another 2 hours so we left it and he joked about how he was lucky he didn't have to skate. When we met at the start he'd told me he had to see his mate after as his girlfriend had just broken up with him and he's just back from Germany he wanted to see that he was okay and said thats where he was going after.. We walked around was gonna get food but decided to get coffee as it was busy. We paid for ourselves walked around the town a bit talking and he said we'd walk down towards his car . We were near his car and he said he's gonna head off an see his mate the one who'd girlfriend just broke up with him . He gave me a handshake and said it was nice meeting you keep in touch or )he might have said I'll keep in touch) . I just said yeah it was nice and said bye. I don't know if that was good or not? What should I do next? I don't know if he's interested or not since we didn't kiss we talked a lot an got on okay but I have no clue how it went we spoke a lot he asked me loads of questioned but I don't know if I didn't come across as interested and we hadn't really made any physical contact to break the ice . I've never had a date end on a handshake.

loalae

I don't know if he's interested. But I know that when I end dates with a handshake and "it was nice to meet you" it's because I'm not interested. In my experience, any form of "keep in touch" usually means that they aren't too pushed about keeping in touch. A lot of the time when someone in interested in seeing me again they suggest something to do on the next date during the first one. When I'm interested in seeing someone again I usually say that I think we should meet up again (I haven't been shot down yet).

Are YOU interested in him? Did YOU have a good time? What is it about him that you like? I think you need to decide whether you enjoyed yourself before you try to determine whether he did.

If you don't know whether or not you had a good time, it usually means that you didn't.

Big Bag of Chips

I have to agree with loalae - you seem to be depending on this fella to decide whether or not you are enjoying yourself. You are allowed to have your own opinion and make up your own mind. You don't have to hang around waiting for him to decide if he is interested.. Are you interested?

If you are, contact him and arrange to meet again. If he agrees, go for it. If he doesn't you've lost nothing, and at least you know where you stand. Then you can move on to finding someone else you might be interested in.

LegacyUser

loalae wrote: »

I don't know if he's interested. But I know that when I end dates with a handshake and "it was nice to meet you" it's because I'm not interested. In my experience, any form of "keep in touch" usually means that they aren't too pushed about keeping in touch. A lot of the time when someone in interested in seeing me again they suggest something to do on the next date during the first one. When I'm interested in seeing someone again I usually say that I think we should meet up again (I haven't been shot down yet).

Are YOU interested in him? Did YOU have a good time? What is it about him that you like? I think you need to decide whether you enjoyed yourself before you try to determine whether he did.

If you don't know whether or not you had a good time, it usually means that you didn't.

I'd like to get to know him more. I don't know he seemed a little nervous imo, an he expressed his worries about the ice skating when we met saying he wasn't sure about it.
We got on well talking , I feel like possibly he was on edge about his friend. We were able to talk and joke a little. He seemed nice.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I have to agree with loalae - you seem to be depending on this fella to decide whether or not you are enjoying yourself. You are allowed to have your own opinion and make up your own mind. You don't have to hang around waiting for him to decide if he is interested.. Are you interested?

If you are, contact him and arrange to meet again. If he agrees, go for it. If he doesn't you've lost nothing, and at least you know where you stand. Then you can move on to finding someone else you might be interested in.

I'm going to text him on Monday saying
"I had a nice time on Saturday, we should meet up again - I hope your friend was okay?"

LegacyUser

Also I have a feeling I may have appeared not interested.
I was a little guarded or distant at times not always trying to get close , I'm not a touchy feely person either so I'm not sure how I came across or if I gave out the right signals I know I was nervous at the time. An not sure what to say all the time even though we spoke a lot. I don't know if thats why I got a handshake?
I was actually expecting us to just say bye without anything an then he reached for a handshake it left me confused. I was just nervous and I hadn't had a date for a few months .

Typer Monkey

The old 'friend in trouble' line eh? Sorry OP but that to me sounds like a pre-prepared excuse to leave after a set period of time.

Merkin

gemini206 wrote: »

I met up with that guy. We planned on going ice skating we met up in Dundrum. He said he was nervous about ice skating we walked over to the ice rink to watch it for a while , he wasn't sure about it , that maybe he'd just watch. I persuaded him to go but when we went the next session wasn't for another 2 hours so we left it and he joked about how he was lucky he didn't have to skate. When we met at the start he'd told me he had to see his mate after as his girlfriend had just broken up with him and he's just back from Germany he wanted to see that he was okay and said thats where he was going after.. We walked around was gonna get food but decided to get coffee as it was busy. We paid for ourselves walked around the town a bit talking and he said we'd walk down towards his car . We were near his car and he said he's gonna head off an see his mate the one who'd girlfriend just broke up with him . He gave me a handshake and said it was nice meeting you keep in touch or )he might have said I'll keep in touch) . I just said yeah it was nice and said bye. I don't know if that was good or not? What should I do next? I don't know if he's interested or not since we didn't kiss we talked a lot an got on okay but I have no clue how it went we spoke a lot he asked me loads of questioned but I don't know if I didn't come across as interested and we hadn't really made any physical contact to break the ice . I've never had a date end on a handshake.

He doesn't sound even remotely interested. How could you think that after what you've written? It's like a script for a bad date film. He already had a prepacked excuse about a friend being upset about being dumped.....purleeease :rolleyes: teenage girls do that, blokes would not cut a date short on that basis. Also, the handshake and totally non committal goodbye suggests that this is not a runner.
But I don't think you'll accept that OP as you seem hell bent on being with this guy although why I have no idea....

Esoteric_

He specifically stated that he wants a bit of fun. He had an excuse to get out of the date early. He didn't so much as hug you.

He's not interested, not the way you want. Saying that you were being awkward is just you trying to find excuses for him, to be blunt.

If he was interested in what you want, he'd make it clear.

You seriously need to let this go because right now, you're bordering on obsessive.