90 Day Rule

Aisling(",)

Sorry if this has already been posted before.

I've just come across this article on collegetimes.ie and was interested to see what other women thought about it.

http://collegetimes.ie/2013/11/14/why-women-should-enforce-the-90-day-rule

In it the author says it may be a smart idea for women to wait 90 days before sleeping with their suitor.

"The idea is, by the time a man has invested time, money, effort and feelings into a woman, (that ‘hunt’ concept) and the woman is ready to sleep with him, that man will have already invested too much in her to just walk away after getting sex."

I think its a terrible way to look at it and very patronising.Its each to their own to when the do the deed but the way its approached in this is terrible.The idea of making him invest so he wont leave after it's as though you need to leave the goal of sex there to keep a man around.It dosen't say much for the authors opinion of men that you almost need to trick them into liking you.

Amirani

That article made me cringe. The author is either incredibly naive or else not particularly bright.

Yes because women don't like sex and should only use it as a bargaining tool and men are stoopid and need to earn privileges.

Flippin Nora.

Legs.Eleven

Every single relationship I've had including the one I'm in now involved sleeping with the guy on the first or second date. Why? Because we both wanted to. We saw each other again because we both liked each other enough to meet again. Very simple. Sex didn't change that fact. Sex was something we both enjoyed and it was something we did alongside everything else.

It's okay to wait if that's what you want but using sex as a bargaining tool to make someone like you more is deeply naive. The man will see you again (and vice versa) if they like you enough. Some men have hypocritical attitudes to sex at the early stages and think it's okay for them but not for the woman but you were better off without them anyway.



Stupid article that's deeply insulting to men.

Rosy Posy

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Every single relationship I've had including the one I'm in now involved sleeping with the guy on the first or second date. Why? Because we both wanted to.

+1
IMO if it's physically possible to wait 90 days then there's not enough chemistry to make pursuing a relationship worthwhile. I despise this kind of shyte that's churned out in women's magazines especially. It's degrading for everyone.

Rosy Posy

Rosy Posy wrote: »

+1
IMO if it's physically possible to wait 90 days then there's not enough chemistry to make pursuing a relationship worthwhile. .

:pac:

So true

Legs.Eleven

Rosy Posy wrote: »

+1
IMO if it's physically possible to wait 90 days then there's not enough chemistry to make pursuing a relationship worthwhile. I despise this kind of shyte that's churned out in women's magazines especially. It's degrading for everyone.

Very good point!

eviltwin

Wait three months??? Are they insane????? Not a hope in hell.

gcgirl

Day 90 first time doing the deed and they last 5 seconds ===>>> Epic Fail

Dolbert

I feel like we're going down the road here of implying that there's something wrong with not sleeping together straight away. Many couples wait a bit longer for many reasons, it doesn't mean that they're prudes or have no chemistry.

Dolbert

Dolbert wrote: »

I feel like we're going down the road here of implying that there's something wrong with not sleeping together straight away. Many couples wait a bit longer for many reasons, it doesn't mean that they're prudes or have no chemistry.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that. Some tongue in cheek comments perhaps in response to such a ludicrous article, but the bottom line is each to their own.

Sex should never ever be used as a bargaining tool, by either sex.

Lucyfur

Ha! When I started going out with my now husband, a girl I was in college with was horrified that I slept with him before 3 months of dating. She was really upset and asking me did I not know the rules of dating. She said we wouldn't last as I clearly gave him what he wanted.

We're not really friends anymore.

smallerthanyou

Wow what a terrible article. Didn't finish it. Its easy, have sex whenever both parties are comfortable with it, be that an hour, a day, a month a year whenever!

Legs.Eleven

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Stupid article that's deeply insulting to men.

And even more so women, as it implies that a the most valuable and important thing a woman can offer is sex, and scarcity of that is a hook - without which a man wouldn't find anything else about her that would keep him interested.

Its a throwback to the days of a womans value being tied up with her lack of sexual availability.

baby and crumble

We have to remember that this is an article in College Times. The author is more than likely between the ages of 18-22.

Now, I'm going to go down the road of saying that at that age you don't know what you're talking about but... I was an idiot at that age. Don't get me wrong, I was smart and fairly responsible, but let's be honest, at 18 you're still fairly niaive. I was. 99% of my friends were. Young girls and guys are taught by TV, magazines and their peers. None of which are concerned with reality or with ensuring the self confidence of young people.

I waited a long time before I lost my virginity, but once I met my now girlfriend we lasted exactly 7 days from getting together to sleeping together. 10 years later we're still going strong.

Mariasofia

Wait 90 days!!!!! That would be like cutting off my nose to spite my face!

clairefontaine

baby and crumble wrote: »

We have to remember that this is an article in College Times. The author is more than likely between the ages of 18-22.

Now, I'm going to go down the road of saying that at that age you don't know what you're talking about but... I was an idiot at that age. Don't get me wrong, I was smart and fairly responsible, but let's be honest, at 18 you're still fairly niaive. I was. 99% of my friends were. Young girls and guys are taught by TV, magazines and their peers. None of which are concerned with reality or with ensuring the self confidence of young people.

I waited a long time before I lost my virginity, but once I met my now girlfriend we lasted exactly 7 days from getting together to sleeping together. 10 years later we're still going strong.

It's an 18 year old girl talking about 18 year old boys in a college publication.

Why on earth is this even a thread?

What do you expect from 18 year olds? They still sleep with their teddies.

meeeeh

clairefontaine wrote: »

It's an 18 year old girl talking about 18 year old boys in a college publication.

Why on earth is this even a thread?

What do you expect from 18 year olds? They still sleep with their teddies.

How dumb are 18 year olds now supposed to be? Not to mention that an article like that wouldn't even make it into student publication when I was in the university. Christ I would expect some rant against neoliberalism, not nonsense article on dating. What next, reviews of Neighbours?

Carlos Orange

baby and crumble wrote: »

We have to remember that this is an article in College Times. The author is more than likely between the ages of 18-22.

The article is republished by the College Times. It was written for another publication.

Pandoras Twist

Its it my imagination but I seem to find that women who have all these rules about when you can and cant do something in the early stages of dating seem to be the ones who lament fact that they can't find someone. Other rules ive come across include waiting 3 hours to write back never texting back after 10 pm at the weekend.its always seemed ridiculous to me.

But as an aside, there could be an argument in that guys expect girls to play a little hard to get, so they might actually perceive girls that act naturally as being desperate. That would be terrible if it's the case though.

_Whimsical_

Pandoras Twist wrote: »

Its it my imagination but I seem to find that women who have all these rules about when you can and cant do something in the early stages of dating seem to be the ones who lament fact that they can't find someone.

It's your imagination. People of all persuasians have difficulty finding someone worthwhile.

eviltwin

I'm wasn't the most mature teenager in the world but even at 18 I wasn't that bad.

_Whimsical_

Generally articles written in student newspapers are done so to a brief to be provocative and controversial.Chances are when the author reads this thread she'll be absolutely delighted.

meeeeh

Being provocative and controversial is great when it is thought provoking. This article is just dumb. If author wants to be perceived as dumb then she can be very happy with the result indeed. I would expect more from people attending university.

Legs.Eleven

meeeeh wrote: »

Being provocative and controversial is great when it is thought provoking. This article is just dumb. If author wants to be perceived as dumb then she can be very happy with the result indeed. I would expect more from people attending university.

Had a bit of a nosy about and the woman who wrote it is a grown woman who's graduated and is working. I presume she's in her mid to late 20s at this stage.

pwurple

I get the impression that the article is written for an american market. Dating and 'going out' being different things.

Scarinae

pwurple wrote: »

I get the impression that the article is written for an american market. Dating and 'going out' being different things.

I got the same impression - white picket fences, douches etc. I clicked through to the original article, and the author is Canadian. I think North American attitudes to dating are quite different to attitudes over here.

I don't think there's any problem with waiting to have sex if that's what you both want. However this idea of waiting for some arbitrary time period, and seeing sex as a 'privilege' that men have to 'earn', is quite strange.

Also this line 'Yes, we know we have the standards of what type of men we want to be with — what he needs to look like, his income, his car, his social life, etc.' basically makes the whole article sound like men are only interested in sex, and women are only interested in status.

Novella

I didn't sleep with my boyfriend until I had known him for two and a half months.

But there were almost six thousand miles between us for that time.

FouxDaFaFa

I'm laughing away imagining a couple sitting by a stopwatch on day 89.

Neyite

Lucyfur wrote: »

Ha! When I started going out with my now husband, a girl I was in college with was horrified that I slept with him before 3 months of dating. She was really upset and asking me did I not know the rules of dating. She said we wouldn't last as I clearly gave him what he wanted.

We're not really friends anymore.

You missed a trick. I totally would have had her as chief bridesmaid. Just to rub it in, like. :pac:

beks101

Just to play devil's advocate a little...

Obviously "90 days" versus "easy access sex" and all the stupid buzz words used in that article are massively degrading and patronizing and written in the style of those sex advice columns I used to read in Bliss magazine...

BUT..

Personally, due in no small part to getting hurt and disappointed over the years from jumping into bed too soon and the line suddenly going cold, I prefer to wait until there's an emotional connection and an element of trust with a guy before having sex with him.

And I don't think that's bad advice to impart to an 18 year old, who will no doubt be inundated with sexual interest from young college guys who will say what they need to say and do what they have to do to get her in the sack.

YES, women have sex drives too, women have needs - I'll be the first to advocate that, my sex drive is off the charter, but it's also inextricably linked to my emotional self and the path to learning that has been paved with years of trusting the wrong men, believing the compliments and getting hurt because I thought "we were on the same page", only to realize it was just a game all along.

"90 days" - yes, bullsh1t, no-one needs to develop that sort of an attitude to sex where it's a 'reward' for good behaviour or whatever. But when I think back to how naive I was as a college student and how easily swept away and eager to please I was by hot guys who were looking for their hole, it would've been nice to hear someone say, "get to know the guy and take it at YOUR own pace. You're worth that."

Sauve

beks101 wrote: »

take it at YOUR own pace. You're worth that."

Bingo

meeeeh

beks101 wrote: »

But when I think back to how naive I was as a college student and how easily swept away and eager to pleasel I was by hot guys who were looking for their hole, it would've been nice to hear someone say, "get to know the guy and take it at YOUR own pace. You're worth that."

I agree with whay you wrote completely. There is nothing wrong with waiting 90 or 900 days if you want to. The problem I have with article is that sex is considered just a means to an end. Who cares if you actually like the guy, the reason he is prepared to stick around for 3 months makes him bf material.

What happened to just telling people to do with whatever feels right at the time and not to be pressurised into anything. I guess it is cold hard to stretch it into an article.

clairefontaine

Once can easily confuse oneself in a sex haze.

If you wait until you know how you feel, whatever those feelings are, the sex haze won't confuse you as much, if at all.

strobe

Lot of guys that are pretty much only interested in sex would be perfectly happy to wait 30/60/90 days to sleep with a girl cause they'd be getting plenty of sex elsewhere during that timeframe. I used to know one guy in particular in my early twenties that used the phrase "conveyer belt", he would constantly be dating several girls, some of whom that would be apparently making him wait to be sure he was interested in more than sex and constantly sleeping with one or another of them as they one by one decided he'd 'proved himself' or whatever.

Everyone should wait until it feels right and they themselves want to have sex before they do.

But the idea that a guy continuing to date a girl when sex isn't immediately forthcoming is some kind of proof that sex isn't all he's interested in is a little naive to say the least.

And along those lines, if a guy loses interest in a girl when they've been dating 30/45/arbitrary number days with no sex forthcoming it doesn't necessarily mean all he was interested in was sex. Might just be put off by the prospect of a girl that views sex in that manner (despite liking a lot else about her and being quite interested in persuing something deeper), as a commodity they own, or a tool in a test, rather than a fun, exciting mutually rewarding experience two people get to enjoy together.

Femme_Fatale

beks101 wrote: »

Just to play devil's advocate a little...

Obviously "90 days" versus "easy access sex" and all the stupid buzz words used in that article are massively degrading and patronizing and written in the style of those sex advice columns I used to read in Bliss magazine...

BUT..

Personally, due in no small part to getting hurt and disappointed over the years from jumping into bed too soon and the line suddenly going cold, I prefer to wait until there's an emotional connection and an element of trust with a guy before having sex with him.

And I don't think that's bad advice to impart to an 18 year old, who will no doubt be inundated with sexual interest from young college guys who will say what they need to say and do what they have to do to get her in the sack.

YES, women have sex drives too, women have needs - I'll be the first to advocate that, my sex drive is off the charter, but it's also inextricably linked to my emotional self and the path to learning that has been paved with years of trusting the wrong men, believing the compliments and getting hurt because I thought "we were on the same page", only to realize it was just a game all along.

"90 days" - yes, bullsh1t, no-one needs to develop that sort of an attitude to sex where it's a 'reward' for good behaviour or whatever. But when I think back to how naive I was as a college student and how easily swept away and eager to please I was by hot guys who were looking for their hole, it would've been nice to hear someone say, "get to know the guy and take it at YOUR own pace. You're worth that."

While I can understand all the views re this topic, SO many good points and stuff I can relate to in the above post.