Self Harm what to do?

thesultan

My girlfriend discovered her daughter cut her arms last night after receiving abuse (about her appearance) at school. I never thought she would do it but it's seems to be an act of despair . Discovered this morning that the class tried a self harm thing. they put a butterfly biro tattoo on their arms. Her mother is in bits with her and it seems she is slagged for not going off with fella's. She is only in second year. I told her she has to speak out about anything but she said she would never do it again but is appearance and public persona driving girls to this extremes>? Her mother is meeting the year head this morning.

Hi thesultan
I've moved your thread to the Personal Issues forum where you should get some good advice. Please have a read of the charter.
Best of luck
whoopsadaisydoodles

RoboRat

good move whoopsadaisydoodles, I can only imaging some of the replies you would get in AH.

I suffered very bad bullying in school, to the point I nearly died after a beating. I think that she should do something to increase her confidence. I can only speak form experience and I found Martial Arts excellent for increasing my confidence and also a great form of release.

You need to sit down and talk to her and work with her. Unfortunately a lot of schools can't do a whole lot about bullying unless it is seen or reported, and a lot of the time is isn't.

elfy4eva

thesultan wrote: »

but is appearance and public persona driving girls to this extremes>? .

Absolutely, vanity and sexuality would be some of the biggest drives for bullying and peer pressure among young girls, in my opinion. I applaud you for taking a pro-active approach with this, I wish I could offer more in the way of advice.

Hope it all works out for you.

loubeelou

HI OP.
Been through a similar issue myself recently and would highly reccommend that your girlfriend contact Pieta house. They deal with issues surrounding suicide and self harm and will offer counselling for both parent and child.
It's a highly distressing time when a parent witnesses their child carrying out such an act of violence on their own body and both will need support. Peita are absolutely fantastic and will work on helping the child to develop coping skills in order to avoid self harming in the future.
They have really been fantastic for us.
Best of luck!

Esoteric_

I second Pieta house, they're fantastic.

The problem is, self harm is a coping mechanism. I did it myself for years, and subsequently destroyed my body aesthetically at least.

It's something people do when they don't know how else to cope. It releases endorphins, so it makes you feel better, temporarily.

She needs to learn healthy ways to cope, and she also needs the bullying sorted out.

Pieta house will help immensely with teaching new ways of coping.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Hi OP.

Just wanted to third Pieta House. They are very good at what they do. There is a good article on their website that talks about what to do if someone you know is self harming:

http://www.pieta.ie/index.php/help-someone-whos-self-harming

I'd recommend getting in contact with them. They can provide counselling/therapy. I self harmed on and off for 10 years, starting when I was 13. I went for counselling at Pieta House and have not self harmed since then. I really can't say enough good things about them.

As Esoteric says self harm is a coping mechanism. A lot of people focus on self harm as the problem itself but in reality it's more like a symptom, albeit one that's very distressing and upsetting to see especially when it's a loved one.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

Neyite

RoboRat wrote: »

good move whoopsadaisydoodles, I can only imaging some of the replies you would get in AH.

Please don't slag off other forums here on Boards.

thesultan

her mother is getting her to confront the attack(verbal) in question today after school who in fact is her best friend but she won't address the situation with her scared of her public persona. I told her she has to and to stand up to her.

RoboRat

Please don't slag off other forums here on Boards.

Slagging, eh, ok then?????

loubeelou

thesultan wrote: »

her mother is getting her to confront the attack(verbal) in question today after school who in fact is her best friend but she won't address the situation with her scared of her public persona. I told her she has to and to stand up to her.

The problem will be if the child is using self harm as a way to cope she may well use it for every stress and worry she meets in the future. She's a young teenager and will have plenty to deal with over the next few years. If you just call pieta, you don't even have to make an appointment. Just try an get some advice from people who know how to deal with this. It's too much for parents to take on without help.