On the verge of unexpectadly splitting up again, do I walk away?

LegacyUser

Going anonymous. Just looking for a bit of advice as I read the threads quite a bit but now I have issues with my relationship with my girlfriend.

Please bear with me.

Last Sunday I brought up a problem with my girlfriend relationship. It was in relation to lack of sex. That night we very unexpectadly broke up. On her part. We've had sex once in the last few months. It's kinda understandable as we're both living at home since August but also she was finishing her final year of college up until mid September. Also she doesn't like sex very much as it hurts with one of the reasons as she says is that she has genital herpes. I've been very supportive and don't put pressure on her to have sex whilst also trying to make it work.

Besides this issue I am so happy with her. We get on brilliantly etc but find it hard to get too much time together. Maybe twice ir three times a week we spend together plus we work together, different shifts sometimes.

To give a bit more background to our relationship, this is the third time she's broken it off. We started going out three and half years ago. We are together this spell for a year and a half. It's been difficult to spend time together and do loads of couple things because we both have been in college including the past 2 summers. But we've got on so well and built a relationship not based on sex as such. She recently graduated and I'm in my final year of professional exams. The thing is when we trying to work things out over a year and a half ago she went and slept with a colleague of ours and I caught her. It broke me in half. I forgave her as she said it was a mistake but she kept entertaining him in work and making a fool out of me. So I got rid if her

Fast forward a few weeks later and this guy has been fired and she's literally begging me to get back with her. Lots of tears etc. I decided to give her another chance because I love her. We have had a good strong relationship since then or so I thought. Last sunday night I started gearin the excuses I've heard before. We don't do this, we don't do that, your not around as much now that i'm finished college. To me these are easily fixable and I want it to work because I love her. She says she loves me and wants it to work but she's akso saying it's not working. Surprise to me. To me it's like I've served my purpose for her. Been there for her in everyway emotionally and I'm so patient and so understanding with her as she says.

It's like she wants her cake and eat it. She's taking a year out before she does a masters next year and wants to have I guess. Feel very let down as I was moving on last time we split but she won me back by expressing how much she loved me. Do I walk away now for good or stay and fight for it. After a talk earlier in the week and hearing just b.s excuses I have given her a few days to make a full and proper decision. In my mind there is no more chances for getting back with her again (fourth time) if she gives up this time. At the same time we've been through so much and got through so much. She seems uncommited as she used to be before. I thought she had changed and was genuine about us.

Do I walk away either way? Is it always going to be this way with her?

Mozzeltoff

Op I reckon you should just walk away. You've fought enough for the relationship and she's just abusing the hell out of it.

LegacyUser

May I ask in what way do you think she's abusing the hell out of it.

I do believe she loves me but then again if she was genuine then we wouldn't be splitting up imo. It's like she before. She wants to meet other guys possibly but doesn't want to lose me. Maybe I'm wrong on that assumption. I don't know really. I really though we were very strong. My take on these things is if you love someone you find a way to make it work.

By the way thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it

scriba

Hi OP, to be honest, I think it's you that needs to give up on this relationship. Your girlfriend sounds self-absorbed, and childishly selfish. She knew how busy you both were when she got back with you, and now she is shifting the goalposts again to legislate for her own changed feelings. Maybe she loves you and maybe she doesn't: I suspect she loves what you do for her, you support her emotionally. And now she is looking beyond you, again. I think you're right, that you have served your purpose.

I don't think she's going to change, and I think from past experiences with her, you can see that. Regardless of her motives (and I'm not trying to make her out as wilfully 'bad' here), she doesn't know what she wants. But she's also telling you the truth, that it's not working for her. So ultimately, as you've figured out, it's really your choice now. You must know her at this stage, or at least have a fair idea . There's too much drama here, and it doesn't sound like she's particularly trustworthy. It also sounds like you feel there is an imbalance in this relationship, where you feel you do more for her than she does for you: just my impression.

So back to your questions. My opinion as a stranger is yes, and yes. What you need to figure out is what you get from this relationship, and is it worth it? What's the potential future here: are you going to have to entertain her 24/7 so that she doesn't get bored in your relationship and want to move on?

im confused again

It's time to move on. A relationship shouldn't take that much work.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your input. I can see where your coming from and it makes sense to me. I thought she had changed but is just starting to show her true colours again which as you say or self absorbed. Just have put so much into this relationship and for it to be gone so quickly is hard to take. Just two weeks ago we were having a great time at her graduation. I get on well with her family. I'm a very genuine guy, or so I'm told, and like to think people are genuine about me. Especially my girlfriend. I hope I'm wrong about her when we meet again during the week and we progress on the same wave lenght but someone I think that won't be the case, due to past experiences. Will feel like bit of a fool then for taking her back when I was told no way that I should after the last time.


QUOTE=scriba;87504118]Hi OP, to be honest, I think it's you that needs to give up on this relationship. Your girlfriend sounds self-absorbed, and childishly selfish. She knew how busy you both were when she got back with you, and now she is shifting the goalposts again to legislate for her own changed feelings. Maybe she loves you and maybe she doesn't: I suspect she loves what you do for her, you support her emotionally. And now she is looking beyond you, again. I think you're right, that you have served your purpose.

I don't think she's going to change, and I think from past experiences with her, you can see that. Regardless of her motives (and I'm not trying to make her out as wilfully 'bad' here), she doesn't know what she wants. But she's also telling you the truth, that it's not working for her. So ultimately, as you've figured out, it's really your choice now. You must know her at this stage, or at least have a fair idea . There's too much drama here, and it doesn't sound like she's particularly trustworthy. It also sounds like you feel there is an imbalance in this relationship, where you feel you do more for her than she does for you: just my impression.

So back to your questions. My opinion as a stranger is yes, and yes. What you need to figure out is what you get from this relationship, and is it worth it? What's the potential future here: are you going to have to entertain her 24/7 so that she doesn't get bored in your relationship and want to move on?[/QUOTE]

Ah_Yeah

You need to end this relationship and move on. This girl has messed with your feelings previously, and seems to view you as slightly disposable, given her track record of ending and rekindling the relationship, along with her indecisiveness.

Small side note OP, but please make sure that you are practicing safe sex if she says she has genital herpes.

Curry Addict

sorry to be blunt you are a good genuine guy. Your easy to get along with and suit her purpose until some one she thinks is better comes along. Ill bet there is someone on her radar at the moment. shes not your ideal type you deserve much better.

Faith

anon and upset wrote: »

Also she doesn't like sex very much as it hurts with one of the reasons as she says is that she has genital herpes.

The thing is when we trying to work things out over a year and a half ago she went and slept with a colleague of ours and I caught her.

Hmm. I'm going to be very blunt here, but it doesn't add up that someone who doesn't like sex would run off and sleep with someone else. Seems like she's just making excuses to avoid having sex with you .

A stable, happy relationship doesn't involve breaking up and getting back together multiple times. Relationships aren't supposed to be this hard! Good relationships enhance your life, but this one sounds like it's draining you and dragging you down.

Do yourself a favour and walk away for good.

jimd2

Faith wrote: »

Hmm. I'm going to be very blunt here, but it doesn't add up that someone who doesn't like sex would run off and sleep with someone else. Seems like she's just making excuses to avoid having sex with you .

A stable, happy relationship doesn't involve breaking up and getting back together multiple times. Relationships aren't supposed to be this hard! Good relationships enhance your life, but this one sounds like it's draining you and dragging you down.

Do yourself a favour and walk away for good.

Exactly, the situation with her jumping into bed with yer man would be a deal breaker. Side issue, why was he fired? Was she fascinated with him in some way? Either way, I would definitely finish it.

smileyscientist

Hi OP, she loves you but she doesnt love you enough. That last word means the world of difference.. If she loved you enough she would cut the bull**** and try her very best to make it work.. I think you know what you've got to do, OP

Loughc

I hate to break it to you man as you seem like a nice geniue guy but the moment she slept with someone else your relationship ended. If that guy didn't get fired, would she still be entertaining him?

You may love this girl and it will hurt to walk away but in the long term you will be much happier!

LegacyUser

Ah_Yeah wrote: »

You need to end this relationship and move on. This girl has messed with your feelings previously, and seems to view you as slightly disposable, given her track record of ending and rekindling the relationship, along with her indecisiveness.

Small side note OP, but please make sure that you are practicing safe sex if she says she has genital herpes.

Thanks for the reply. I know in my heart you are right. Just going to move on as I know it's best.

We've always been responsible and practise safe sex. She's mature in that sense. Not in a relationship sense

Thanks everyone for your input. I really appreciate it ad it helps me think clearer.

That's it for us imo. As has been said she's abused this relationship.I don't deserve this b.s especially when i"'ve shown and expressed my love and support for her. I deserve someone who will appreciate me more.

The only thing is we work together so it's not as easy to get away from her for good and I know she might want to play games but I'm just gonna have to ignore her.

It's her loss

smileyscientist wrote: »

Hi OP, she loves you but she doesnt love you enough. That last word means the world of difference.. If she loved you enough she would cut the bull**** and try her very best to make it work.. I think you know what you've got to do, OP

Exactly. I would move heaven and earth for her. She doesn't want to make any effort. It's such a shame

jimd2 wrote: »

Exactly, the situation with her jumping into bed with yer man would be a deal breaker. Side issue, why was he fired? Was she fascinated with him in some way? Either way, I would definitely finish it.

He was in a supervisor role. He was let go when his 6 month probation was up. He caused alot of hassle. Arguing with managers and staff etc. He wasn't very competent in his role either. He had a bit of a drink pronlem too. He totally used her. In my opinion to get at me. He was jealous of me I say. I'm quiet in nature but well liked and popular in work. He wasn't. There is a good bit more to the story.
I would say ione thing about the gf. She's very niave and gullible. Could easily fall for some guys b.s.

Matteroffact

What you have to do is lay it on the line. Ask her exactly what she wants out of this relationship with you and ask her what in her opinion would make it work. If she cannot come up with suggestions then she is just not interested enough. She should be just as upset as you are at the thoughts of breaking up, but it could be that she knows she now has you and so she feels she doesn't need to make any effort. None of this is acceptable to you of course. If she loved you she would want to sort this out. I hope this works out for you OP.

MagicMarker

anon and upset wrote: »

He was in a supervisor role. He was let go when his 6 month probation was up. He caused alot of hassle. Arguing with managers and staff etc. He wasn't very competent in his role either. He had a bit of a drink pronlem too. He totally used her. In my opinion to get at me. He was jealous of me I say. I'm quiet in nature but well liked and popular in work. He wasn't. There is a good bit more to the story.
I would say ione thing about the gf. She's very niave and gullible. Could easily fall for some guys b.s.

No offence, but it seems one could say the same about you.

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

No offence, but it seems one could say the same about you.

None taken. First time anyone has ever mentioned me as being gullible and naive. I don't believe it myself due to my character and life experiences. I respect your opinion though even if I think it's untrue of me

SingItOut

I've been in your situation OP , we broke up 3 times in our two year relationship. It was me who did the breaking up, The first time we were on a break he went off with another girl, I let it slip as we weren't together that long. The other times were due to his cheating, it is hard to walk away from somebody after being together that long but honestly it is for the better. If that guy had not been fired do you think she would have came back to you? I think she has gotten so comfortable breaking up then getting back with you because she knows you'll always take her back. It's hard to hear but she's walking all over you, my advice would be to leave her. Nobody deserves to be used as a backup

hardCopy

Break up with her and start looking for a new job ASAP. You'll have no peace if you try to continue working together.

The timing probably isn't ideal if you're doing exams through work but if it's at all possible then just cut your ties.

LegacyUser

From what you have told us this woman is using you until something better comes along.
She expects you to do every thing she wants but what are getting from this so called relationship? She cheated on you with a man you both work with. He lost his job so she came back to you.

At this stage I would advise you to tell her that it is over.
I would say to her that I have decided to end things with you as don't want a relationship with me. I would also tell her that you expect her to be civil to you in work like you have been with her.
She may not be happy to hear this but at this stage why should you stay with a woman who shows so little regard for you.

I would concentrate on working towards your own exams in the next few months as this will benefit you long term.

I would not look for another job as one previous post said as why should you change jobs to suit her. If she is not happy when you end things let her change her job.
Also I know that if some companies are paying for your exams they expect you to work with them for a period of time after you finish.