feeling useless on dole and pregnant

LegacyUser

Hello, just thought I might as well get some advice here currently 38.5 days pregnant , been unemployed the last year and a half, although I attended a one year fas course which I am now a qualified receptionist, halfways through the year I found out I was pregnant.

Which was a shock for me Im 22 , its now near my due date soon and I am feeling useless from not being able to apply for jobs, I am on 144 a week ,usually broke from me being stupid having got into debt and replaying it every week along with rent and just feeling plain bad due to my parents buying all the stuff for my baby which I cant afford apart from few clothes and things.

I feel like such a waster, and its starting to get me down I cant seem to do anything to get me happy again. Im also in the middle of starting a business small one but have many people telling me it won't work.

Im sorry for ranting I had such high hopes for myself growing up , I was due to emigrate to london for a good job last year but a death occurred 2 weeks before I was due to leave, and I fell into a terrible rut .I feel like I ll give my baby a terrible start in life being broke and useless

I hope anyone can give advice on what to do to fix my life and give my little baby a good start in life

xzanti

Your baby isn't going to care that you're unemployed.. all s/he wants is love from you..

It is all very doable on the dole.. Gumtree is your friend for baby essentials.. you will manage.. but I'd urge you to see a counsellor before the baby arrives as you sound a bit depressed.. Even for one session just to hash out your anxieties and gain a bit of perspective on the situation.

you're still very young, by the time your baby goes to school you'll still only be in your mid 20's, you can always go back as a mature student if you want.. there's still a world of opportunity out there for you.

Congratulations and good luck

glass_onion

Hi op.I think you are been hard on yourself.i doubt it you are a "waster".You are trying to better yourself.You did get out and do a course instead of sitting at home,that shows something right?.

If i been frank.Life does not always go to plan.We all have hopes and dreams growing up only to find some of them dashed.But that does not mean it will happen down the line.it is not always easy.Most times it is beyond our control.You are only 22,you have plenty of time ahead!.Times maybe hard but I think you are blessed to have parents who support you and your child.As the other poster pointed out,babies don't care if you are broke.All babies need is love,guidance, and protection from bad things in the world.

So do look after yourself.And don't be too hard upon yourself .

Big Bag of Chips

Years ago I remember a caller to Gerry Ryan with almost the exact same worries as you. She was single, very little money and terrified of how she would cope. I remember he asked her 1 question: Do you love your baby? She was quite upset on the phone, but said "Yeah".

He said "That's all that matters".

It is going to be difficult for you, but it sounds like you have your parents' support. Being a parent stretches you to the limits. You can feel utterly exhausted and useless and 3 minutes later overcome by such love and emotion.

One night I remember one of my babies screaming for about 40 mins. It was so bad that my husband and I had to take turns in trying to comfort him. We could each only manage a few minutes before swapping because it was so difficult and upsetting. Eventually, after about 40 mins of constant screaming the baby eventually burped and spit up a little. Within a minute he was asleep on my shoulder, all calm restored. I was so upset that he had been upset for so long, and my husband rightly pointed out.. he was calm, asleep, and would never even remember it.

I am married, with a husband who is very good with the kids, and even at that the "baby phase" is difficult. But you know what.. all the phases that are difficult, pass.

Right now, things are difficult for you. Life hasn't turned out exactly as you planned, and now rather than having it all mapped out, you have no idea of what you're going to do. But you know that you don't want to be on the dole and broke forever. So that's a start. Give yourself time. You are due to give birth soon. Get the next few months out of the way, with the help of your parents, and then look into ways of changing your situation.

Your baby needs to be fed, warm and loved. Everything else is extra. Concentrate on those 3 for the moment.

Neyite

Shelve your job issues for the moment. If you were working, you would be taking time off to care full time for your baby soon, because thats what they need.

I got loads of hand-me downs. Nearly everything except the first outfit that was put on the baby after he was born was secondhand, possibly even third-hand. I got a cot second hand, got gifts of other things like the baby monitor and other bits and bobs that were useful. Babies can be as cheap or as expensive as you like really. The first 6 months, they need nothing other than nappies and milk. which will be covered by the child benefit, less if you breastfeed and dont need to buy formula. It helps a lot.

When the baby is a little older, you can look into picking up where you left off. My studies have fell to the wayside but I know I'll take them up again when I can. Dont feel bad - in the next few months you have a very important job to be doing, and its 24/7 with no break, but its very rewarding.

ted1

From day one ensure the babies father provides it his child. You didn't make this baby on your own

m'lady

As a previous poster pointed out, baby's are as cheap or as expensive as you make it.. I have seen loads of very cheap baby stuff online second hand, the only thing I'd buy new is the crib/Moses basket mattress and car seat (if needed).

Don't be so hard on yourself, you will pick up where you have left off in the future, you have a lovely baby coming into the world, that's the most important job you will ever do, and you know what? You will do it brilliantly.
From the moment you look into his/her eyes all these worries will more that likely disappear.. Enjoy it!

As a previous poster suggested maybe you might need a session of counselling before you have the baby, it may help you.

Are you getting support from the baby's father? X

Sleepy

adverts.ie is very good for cheap/free baby stuff too.

Big Bag of Chips

When I had my babies jumbletown.ie was my friend!

Everything on it is free to give away. I have gotten (and given away) some beautiful stuff. Toys, clothes, buggies, cots, bouncers.

Everything is a bit overwhelming at the moment, but keep reminding yourself, you are not the only person to find yourself in this situation. And regardless of how you are feeling now, the rest of your life is in your control. It will work out.

xzanti

Aldi nappies are brilliant

emz8

I'm in a similar situation OP, I've just finished a course, was working towards a good job but now they've found out I'm pregnant they've gone pretty cold on the idea. I know I won't get a job now (because of the nature of the work) before the baby is born which isn't for a while yet and I feel so useless. Saving every penny of my social welfare but feel like such a burden on my boyfriend and his parents (who I live with). This is ****.

Hopefully when we have our babies it will all fall into place.

Hope your feeling better!
x

Queen-Mise

OP - you sound depressed/ or under pressure maybe. I wonder if there is a medical term for pre-natal depression as opposed to post-natal Although it could well be fear talking - your life is going to completely change soon, and it is damn scary.
I'd second the suggestion already about a counsellor - clear some of this stuff out of your head before the baby comes. You will be stronger mentally/emotionally etc to cope with the baby then.

And go to MABS and talk about the debts you have. Yeah you made some silly decisions but you were young and that was the time to make them. Don't give yourself a hard time about it, see can you get them re-organised in some way.

But missus - you said you had started a little business, now may not quite be the best time, with a little baby arriving soon. That could be why people are saying it will fail. BUT the thing that that shouted at me, was GO GIRL, all your drive and ambition is not gone. Go for it - but remember there is a baby coming soon:)

The only thing I would worry about buying new is a car seat. (It is essential that they have never been in an accident, and are fitted to suit a car/fitted correctly etc.)

Anything else is perfect second hand. My neighbour was selling a 400 euro buggy for 150 the other day - amazing bargains around the place.

emmabrighton

Just dropping in to say I feel all the love going OP's way. Was feeling very down this afternoon but knowing that there are complete strangers out there willing to help a new mom fills me with a warm fuzzy glow. You guys are great!

Hi OP,

I don't think anybody's life ever goes to plan. As others have said, you are 22. You will do fine. Accept all the offers of help you can.

I was in a very messy situation the months leading up to my sons birth. I was leaving my job so no means to provide for my new family. My partner has not worked in 3 years.

99% of my sons clothes are hand me downs. He has the lend of a cot from his cousins. Lots of second hand toys and all the love in my heart.

Reaching the end of my maternity benefit, I was starting to panic because I had no other options lined up. Then a chance meeting landed me a job. I resented having to start working again at 5 months but couldn't miss the opportunity to be able to support my family. That was a year ago, I am barely making ends meet. But I am making ends meet.

A nurse in the Rotunda told me that all babies really need is a clean bum, a full tum and a good mum. I know from your post that you can meet all three of these requirements. You are resourceful and caring and determined to succeed. Well done!

Try breast feeding, it will save you money on formula if you can. Remember that "Food is fun until you're One!!!" Boobiejuice will meet all of their requirements until they are 6 months and they only need a little more nutrition from elsewhere after 6 months to 1 year. Also it will mean you will be producing lots of hormones to keep you in that happy loved up new mom phase...

There are always nappy promotions - my son started in Pampers and then I switched to Aldi when I worked out a nappy is just for catching poos... Hardly worth the added expense of branding

Please take care of yourself. You will be a super mom and congratulations. xxx