Told I'm annoying and demanding

Lunni

Hi everyone,

Just decided to post here as am very upset and down.

I'm doing a course after work in the evenings. Without trying to give too much away, it's quite stressful and intensive with a very heavy workload. I initially felt that I wasn't getting much help from the tutors compared to other people, as I felt that they thought I was very capable and didn't need the help. Truth be told, I'm quite ill at the moment with some mental health issues (anxiety and depression) and I do need help and support. I started to do quite badly in modules where I knew I could have done better because tutors told me they were too busy when I tried to get some help. Due to this, I started to get a bit pushier and make sure that I got my fair share of time and attention.

One of my tutors took me aside the other day and told me that I am taking up too much of his time and it's not fair on the rest of my group (?!) He also said that I am really demanding and annoying because I constantly ask questions and stress everyone out.

I feel so down and upset about this now. My personality is such that I say what's on my mind and it just felt quite a lot like a personal attack. I thought it was really unfair he said I was taking up too much time when I almost failed modules because I got virtually no help at all.

What should I say or do now?

strandroad

Explain your situation in a polite email and ask for suggestions?

Did you try getting help from your fellow students and the people in your group?

Lunni

Lunni wrote: »

What should I say or do now?

Take on his advice and seek less help?

You say you feel down about it, and I know personal criticism isn't nice to hear, but the most likely possibility here is that he's giving you advice he deems appropriate. You have two choices:

- complain to someone above your tutor and demand to either be assigned a different tutor or get someone else for additional help. (I wouldn't recommend this)
OR
- take responsibility for your work (this will probably impress your tutor, improve your work and benefit you in the long run)

Lunni

Hard to get help from people in my group as they have their own problems such as failing modules and can't really see beyond them to be able to help me. Plus they don't take me seriously when I say I'm struggling because I'm generally a strong student. So there's this element of 'you don't need help'.

I have told the tutor about my mental health but he didn't seem to take it very seriously or seem very sympathetic.

Lunni

true-or-false wrote: »

Take on his advice and seek less help?

You say you feel down about it, and I know personal criticism isn't nice to hear, but the most likely possibility here is that he's giving you advice he deems appropriate. You have two choices:

- complain to someone above your tutor and demand to either be assigned a different tutor or get someone else for additional help. (I wouldn't recommend this)
OR
- take responsibility for your work (this will probably impress your tutor, improve your work and benefit you in the long run)

I can't really get a different tutor. What do you mean about taking responsibility for my work? I do already try to do that but it's become apparent that I need some support. I stayed up all night on several occasions doing essays because I had no guidance on them and didn't know what to do. The stress is impacting on my home life and relationship with my partner and it is all having a very negative impact on my mental health to the point where I'm pretty much about to jack the course in before I get any sicker.

AlanS181824

Chin Up! Hope you feel better

R.D. aka MR.D

I'm not sure what kind of course you could be doing that extra help from the tutor is essential to passing. Surely you get all the relevant information at the lectures or seminars? If this isn't the case then it is a design fault of the course and you should complain to the relevant person.

Are you asking these questions of the tutor during class time or after?
As a teacher, i know that excessive questions from one student can do a disservice to other students. I work in the private sector where every student has paid the same amount of money so expect to receive good service and my job is at risk if i can't provide it.


Are the questions about things that you could easily find out by doing some research on your own?

I think that maybe the problem is that your tutor approached it in the wrong way. I think it's completely out of order that he called you annoying

It's very difficult to judge a situation like this because there are usually two sides to every story. My advice would be to send an email explaining that you feel unfairly treated and give specific examples of times that show this unfair treatment. If that doesn't get you anywhere try going to whoever is more senior to your tutor and explain the situation. He might start paying you more attention after that.

Locked pending mod review

OP, we pointed out to you last time here http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=84790931&postcount=8 that we felt PI and its posters could not help you given your issues and particularly the medical nature of a lot of them.
We recommended that you see a GP or other professional help rather than post on PI as we felt that is your best option at the moment, and we still stand by this.

Please do not start any more threads in PI/RI or if necessary we may need to ban you, for your own sake.