How soon is too soon?

LegacyUser

I'm just after getting out of a 7 year relationship about a month ago... I'm wondering is it too soon to start dating again? I know every situation and person is different, but when I say it out loud it does seem very very soon. But I'm sick of over analysing what went wrong and moping and being angry and hurt. I'm not getting any younger and I want to move on with my life. It's possible that if I go out with someone that I might realise that in fact it is too soon for me, but how do I know unless I give it a go? I don't want to string anybody else along, but surely some casual dating wouldn't be too strange at this stage... would it?

Just looking for advice from anyone who has been in a similar situtation.

(If it's important he broke it off with me, I'm in my late 20s, we were living together, but no engagement or kids)

CaraMay

I think it's very soon. It might be a good idea to just have done time to yourself and fully get over the last relationship. If you are still constantly thinking about it then you are not fully over it. Better to take your time than rush in.

The_Chap

I would say it all depends how you feel yourself about the end of the relationship - if you are in a place where you can move on and not keep looking back wondering what if, then go for it.

After a 7 year relationship ended I met my now wife within 4 months and proposed 6 months later, something I'd never considered all the time I was with the ex

It does help my wife is the polar opposite of my ex and we now have a gorgeous daughter who will grow up in a happy loving home

Good luck with what you do

boomkatalog

From standing outside the situation, most will say its too soon. However the break down of your former relationship may have taken a long time and really it's different for everyone.

Someone close to me was married for 8 years. Its almost a year since his wife left him, and he is living with someone amazing who is expecting his first child. He started seeing her about two months after the ex left.

Honestly it's different for everyone. If you feel ready for it, then by all means start dating again and best of luck with it. If not, there's no rush, be married to your hobbies for a while, stay busy.

Matteroffact

I actually think it is a good idea to date again. It is called moving on. What's the point of waiting and analyzing everything over and over again, better to have something else to think about.

mr_edge_to_you

The_Chap wrote: »

I would say it all depends how you feel yourself about the end of the relationship - if you are in a place where you can move on and not keep looking back wondering what if, then go for it.

After a 7 year relationship ended I met my now wife within 4 months and proposed 6 months later, something I'd never considered all the time I was with the ex

It does help my wife is the polar opposite of my ex and we now have a gorgeous daughter who will grow up in a happy loving home

Good luck with what you do

Exact same story here, only detail is took a bit longer to pop the question.

when you look back you might realise that the relationship had run its course many months or even years previous. You quickly realise how absurd things were beforehand.

never too soon! Life goes by very quickly. Enjoy it!

Nobody can give you an answer, because everyone is different. Someone I know proposed after 6 months, married then at 12 months and have had a baby at 20+ months. For some, this might seem too soon, but they are absolutely perfectly happy. The point I'm making is that only you are a judge for the right amount of time for anything. I would personally not listen to anyone else's advice with timing and just go with how you feel. If you think you're ready, start dating. If you don't, then don't.

Perhaps you could try Online dating? You could start getting in contact with people there, get a good lay of the land without committing to any dates until you feel ready. If you're interested, there's and Online dating forum on boards, in which you can get good advice/share stories/whatever else, and you can find out how to gain access to it here.

Tasden

I'd agree with everyone else that there's no right or wrong time, it's whatever feels right. One thing that I'd be wary of (not necessarily a problem just to keep in mind) is feeling too close too soon to the new partner/diving in too deep, because you miss the intimacy and closeness of the old relationship. It may not be something that happens to you but I know I found I had to actively step back or else I'd end up too deep too soon.
Also, I think dating is great for moving on as opposed to seeing one person. Seeing what's out there and that you still are attractive and date-able (?!) is important to moving on.
All the best and enjoy your dating!

Sleepless and Manic

Its not too soon. Think of it as first aid and dont treat it too seriously.

Is there any faster cure for a broken heart?

Ah_Yeah

I'd echo the other posters by saying that it's completely down to the individual and the way in which the relationship ended. If you have essentially gotten over the relationship long before it ended, then you may be in a place to date, whereas someone who is not in that place should really take more time to process everything and look after themselves.

I am with my boyfriend almost 9 months now, and we started seeing each other only a month or so after he ended a very long-term relationship - he had known that this was coming for a while and as such was in a place to start dating me. We are very happy and have even discussed moving in together.

Each to their own - if something doesn't feel right, then chances are it isn't. Go with your gut and only do what makes you happy!

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here. Thanks so much for all of the replies It's reassuring to know that I'm not totally nuts and there are so many happy stories that have come about soon after the breakdown of a long term relationship.

The relationship had been breaking down for a couple of months towards the end (longer really when I look at it closely). I feel like I gave it all my all. Even though he was the one who broke it off, he now seems like he wants to work on things. But the bit of time and distance has given me some clarity and I've realised that we don't have a future together. So I think I'm clear that I'm over *him*, but I suppose there is still residual hurt from everything that has happened. But to be honest I think that won't ever go away completely anyway and don't want to waste time having that hold me back.

Deleted User wrote: »

Perhaps you could try Online dating? You could start getting in contact with people there, get a good lay of the land without committing to any dates until you feel ready. If you're interested, there's and Online dating forum on boards, in which you can get good advice/share stories/whatever else, and you can find out how to gain access to it here.

Don't and done I signed up to POF. It's nice just to see that there are options out there at least, even if I don't go on an actual date for a while.