in love with boss

LegacyUser

So..is this very inappropriate to be in love with your boss?
What I mean exactly is- I know my feelings are my feelings only, but if he likes me to.. would the fact that he is my boss stop him from doing anything about it?
Would there be anything wrong about it if we go for a drink?
I think he is a great person and I can't stop thinking about him - actually I do every day from the moment I wake up.
Should I try to forget or that is not necessary?

Jenneke87

I think it would very likely make things awkward at work, and would probably subject to some fair amounts of office gossip. Also, if he doesn't feel the same things it could like bad on you I think..I would think this through very carefully before you destroy your professional reputation.

ongarboy

It could also lead to a conflict of interest, especially if other workers also report into him as they may feel if a romance did develop, you would/could get favourable treatment at work or be privy to confidential information about them. Many companies frown upon manager/subordinate relationships for this reason.

Also, if you made a move and he didn't reciprocate, you'd still have to face him every day as his employee leading to a very awkward atmosphere. This same advice would apply btw if you were the boss.

Big Bag of Chips

I married my boss!

It's something that you need to be fairly sure of before you "make a move". Is there any indication that he feels the same way about you? Has there been any flirting? Any friendly chat between you, extra to what he does with your other colleagues?

I left work soon after we started going out. Not necessarily because we were going out, but because I hated the job! I don't know how we would have gotten on if I continued on working there, though... We mightn't have lasted this long!

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I married my boss!

It's something that you need to be fairly sure of before you "make a move". Is there any indication that he feels the same way about you? Has there been any flirting? Any friendly chat between you, extra to what he does with your other colleagues?

I left work soon after we started going out. Not necessarily because we were going out, but because I hated the job! I don't know how we would have gotten on if I continued on working there, though... We mightn't have lasted this long!

I am too shy to be flirting with him, also there is always many people around so he wouldn't do that either, but I can feel (I hope I am not imagining things) that he likes me to.. our eyes meet from time to time and I don't know, I think there is something going on.
Anyway I am not going to do anything ever.
The other thing is, this job is not a big part of my "career" and I wouldn't take it very seriously, I mean I do as any job, but not as part of anything important in my life other that earning money for living..

LegacyUser

I only posted it, because I want him to read it and do something... I know its extremely naive, but I can't stand it anymore..
I hate weekends now and I could spend at work 24/7. ((((((((

thegreatgonzo

female30 wrote: »

I only posted it, because I want him to read it and do something... I know its extremely naive, but I can't stand it anymore..
I hate weekends now and I could spend at work 24/7. ((((((((

Sorry but you need to start getting out and having a social life, it sounds like it's all one sided. No point wasting your life on a daydream:-)

LegacyUser

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

Sorry but you need to start getting out and having a social life, it sounds like it's all one sided. No point wasting your life on a daydream:-)

How can you know that its one sided... you cant so say nothing.

heretochat

I don't want to be mean but OP you come across as being overly obsessive about this guy... I am wondering have you any other friends/interests outside of work?

If you were ever to give off the vibes to this guy that I am picking up from your posts on here I would think he would run a mile if I am honest..

LegacyUser

Years ago I felt like this about my boss. I'm so glad now that I was too chicken to do something about it. I was at a time of my life where I was a bit vulnerable. My friends had moved away so my social life was pretty much non-existent. I'd never really had a boyfriend. Home was a bit unhappy. Then I get a new job and I've got this really nice boss. A man who takes an interest in me as a person, treats me better than others in my life and wasn't bad looking either.

I now know that my boss had no more interest in me as a girlfriend than the man on the moon. He never did anything inappropriate but was simply trying to help me fulfil my potential. To someone like me who was a bit lonely and a bit low his attention was like manna from heaven.

As I said already I never acted on my feelings for him. I'm so happy about that now. My crush on him faded and I don't really know what I saw in him at the time. Better still I don't have embarrassing memories of what would've happened if I'd been less shy.

I get the impression that you've not got enough going on in your life. Do you have many friends? Have you ever had a boyfriend? These are things you should work at. If your social life is non existent or you've no friends really you need to work at those. Join up some clubs or take up a new hobby if you have to. Try meetup.com and see is there anything going on near you. You've got to stop obsessing about your boss because it's probably going to end in tears. Yours.

LegacyUser

Unfortunately you all have very wrong image of me and of what kind of person I am.
Yes, I did have a boyfriend (not one - but 3 and one for 5 years), yes I do have friends and yes I am good looking and I didn't need to get this job to get any attention from men.

It only happened that I started to have feelings for him, do you really think the better way is to get drunk in a pub and to go to bed with someone to find "love"?

Also what from my posts makes you think its so one sided? How can you judge that really?

I am not a virgin and I know when men likes me or not. I didnt ask you about that, because you could not know it. I only asked if the fact that he is my boss could stop him from any actions and that's it..

Ande1975

female30 wrote: »

Unfortunately you all have very wrong image of me and of what kind of person I am.
Yes, I did have a boyfriend (not one - but 3 and one for 5 years), yes I do have friends and yes I am good looking and I didn't need to get this job to get any attention from men.

It only happened that I started to have feelings for him, do you really think the better way is to get drunk in a pub and to go to bed with someone to find "love"?

Also what from my posts makes you think its so one sided? How can you judge that really?

I am not a virgin and I know when men likes me or not. I didnt ask you about that, because you could not know it. I only asked if the fact that he is my boss could stop him from any actions and that's it..

Op, the only image people are drawing is from what you are posting. You are coming across as very defensive. No one here can tell you whether he is interested in you or not because we do not know him (nor do we know you). Eyes meeting is no indication of attraction and we do have a tendency to see what we want to see and read too much into a situation. Plus you could be staring at him a lot and its hard not to notice and respond. So it may well mean nothing.

You do sound obsessed with him. Have you told any of your friends? What do they think?

It only happened that I started to have feelings for him, do you really think the better way is to get drunk in a pub and to go to bed with someone to find "love"?

The above statement is a bit baffling... how did you get together with your previous boyfriends?

If you are so in love with your boss, why don't you just ask him out?
You say you are shy etc but if he's not doing anything about it, then its obvious he's not interested. The alternative is to keep this alive in your head and make yourself miserable.

BTW posters are taking the time to share their experiences to help you see this from an alternate point of view. Your reaction above just displays a level of immaturity and reinforces the obsession. That's why people are suggesting taking your focus of him as it could have a negative impact on you, your job and honestly, start creeping your boss out.

thegreatgonzo

female30 wrote: »

How can you know that its one sided... you cant so say nothing.

You are the one looking for opinions. If you don't like what you hear well that's too bad, but my comments are based on the information you give and are not meant to be unkind. All you have mentioned is that you keep meeting his eyes, well maybe he is just looking at you wondering why the hell you aren't doing the job you are being paid to do. Nobody here has any way of knowing. We aren't psychic you know.
If you really like him then be a big girl and make an effort to build a rapport with him and see how that goes.

LegacyUser

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

You are the one looking for opinions. If you don't like what you hear well that's too bad, but my comments are based on the information you give and are not meant to be unkind. All you have mentioned is that you keep meeting his eyes, well maybe he is just looking at you wondering why the hell you aren't doing the job you are being paid to do. Nobody here has any way of knowing. We aren't psychic you know.
If you really like him then be a big girl and make an effort to build a rapport with him and see how that goes.

I am doing my job better than 80% people in that company and YES your comments ARE meant to be unkind..

Esoteric_

If all you have to go on is eye contact, he's always around other people and you won't flirt with him, nothing will happen whether you like him or not. That's the most simple answer I can give without offering an opinion as to whether or not he likes you.

dellas1979

So, you have a crush Certainly makes going to work a bit nicer.

Noone on earth here can answer your question if the man fancies you through a bit of eye contact.

So, stop getting contrary.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, in my first post I asked was there anything extra he does/says to you that gives you the indication that he is interested.

Before I started going out with my husband we became good friends in work. We had things in common, we had the same sense of humour. We would look for reasons to have to be in each other's company. We started emailing each other. Friendly at first, nothing flirty. Little by little that grew to us going out on a work night out and ending up in each others company more and more.

Eventually we went out for a drink, just the 2 of us... Still as friends (maybe?!) And eventually after weeks/months he kissed me!! Very out of character for him. Knowing him as long as I do now, it's not his style. (I had to propose to him, he told me he would never have done it, because he would have been too scared I'd say no!) He said he was building up the courage for the whole evening! But there was a lot of build up to that point, where we started out having a laugh together first.

If you are too shy to do anything. And he doesn't treat you any different to the others "because there are too many others around" then, genuinely how do you know? And even if you do know, neither of you seem willing to make the first move.

What I meant about him being different around you, with favouring you in front of others was... Have you a rapport with him, that he doesn't have with the others? Me and my husband clicked. He didn't favour me over others workwise. But he would have chatted with me more than others.

When you post on a public forum people only respond to what you type. So far the only thing you have said is you are "in love" with him, and sometimes you catch each others eye. Unless there is an extra rapport there between you than with others in the office, then you can't be sure.

And why other posters are warning you to tread carefully.

LegacyUser

Yes, he does treat me different to other people and I think everyone says he is "different" recently and I think that's because he is trying to make good impression..

(why my other post did not appear? )

Big Bag of Chips

When you post unregistered, your posts need to be preapproved by a moderator, so you'll need to be patient. Also OP, when you post on a public forum you are opening yourself up to advice and opinion from people you don't know and who don't know you. You have to be prepared to hear advice that you might not like, or agree with. It is up to you to take what you think is relevant to you from your thread.

Our charter states that all replies should be civil.. that goes for replies to you, and your replies too. Getting angry or annoyed at other posters who offer you advice will achieve nothing except to turn people off offering you advice.

Please bear in mind for future. Or you might find that your posts don't get approved.

scarymoon1

I don't think eye contact means he likes you. I always catch people's eyes in work, it means nothing. How does he treat you different? He's your boss so he is supposed to be fair and treat you well. Until you get a definite sign he likes you then it sounds like nothing.

Stavro Mueller

Would I be right if I suggested you started this thread hoping that people would tell you what you wanted to hear? The truth is that nobody here can do that for you. While asking him out might be the correct solution to your quandary, it's only right that people ask questions and point out the risks you're running. You really have such a massive crush on this man that you could be reading more into certain things than you should be.

I'm a manager in my place of work and I have to be careful not to become too friendly with my staff. Cold and all as it may seem, my employers aren't paying me to come into work to make friends. I'm there to manage people and to take them aside and pull them up on their work if needs be. Like (hopefully) most other managers out there I try to be as fair and professional as possible. The situation has never arisen but I'd be very slow to date one of my staff. There's too much to lose.

If you do try to move things on a bit with your boss, you have to aware of the pitfalls. What if you've misinterpreted the signs and he says no? Would you be able to come into work every day knowing that you've been rejected by the man you've got a massive crush on? Are you prepared to leave your job over this? That's what happened to a relative of mine when the romance with the boss went sour..