Everyone hates me

LegacyUser

As the title says, I have felt more and more over the past year or two that everyone in my life hates me.

I'm 29 and female and suffer from quite bad anxiety and depression, which was only diagnosed as such a few months ago. I also suffer from mild autism which was diagnosed when I was a child as well as some physical health issues which make me very tired. I am waiting for CBT and will take things from there and now that I've realised what the issue is, I've also taken up healthier eating and joined a gym to exercise every day.

Anyway, not uncommonly (from reading depression related threads on Boards), my depression and anxiety appear to manifest themselves as me coming across as very negative and moany. I really do try so hard not to be those things. My anxiety was so bad 10 years ago that I never said a word to anyone and hardly ever left the house - I was comfortable like that but realised that I wasn't really 'living', so I forced myself to get out and live my life. I got a degree, I travelled a bit and I got a boyfriend. I started talking to people and going out at weekends. I moved over to London because I was tired of my small town in Ireland and everyone knowing my business.

However, I still never felt 'normal' - the anxiety hangs over me all the time. I constantly think 'what does he/she think of me? And it appears that they don't think much. Comments from colleagues over the last year or two have made it obvious that I am not well-liked. People seem to think I'm a princess because I over-rely on my boyfriend and he does a lot for me - but this is because my anxiety can be incapacitating. I was at a work function a few months ago and I felt a panic attack coming on and I asked my boyfriend to settle our tab so we could go - one of my male colleagues made a jibe about me being too lazy to do it myself. I just couldn't handle talking to a stranger at the bar when I was already in a massive state inside. Problem is, it doesn't show on the outside. People think I am just rude. It's awful because I try so, so so hard to be friendly and 'normal' but I just constantly seem to annoy people and say the wrong thing.

I'm doing quite an intensive course at the moment and my tutors are really annoyed with me because they find me 'stressful' and 'panicky'. I just need to know exactly what is going on rather than being told vague statements about when things are happening. I also annoy them with what they call 'what if' scenarios. I asked today what would happen if I missed next week's exam due to illness and they got angry with me and told me to stop asking what if. It's just that with my illness, I get sick all the time and I just wanted to know if there was any kind of safety net available or if I'd end up having to redo the entire course again. For me, not knowing what would happen in this case is much more stressful than knowing that there is an alternative.

Again, on this course it feels like whatever I say is wrong. I try hard to join in and answer questions, but a lot of what I say seems to rub them up the wrong way. Other classmates have noticed that the tutors seem really harsh towards me - a comment which gets laughs from my classmates is torn apart by the tutors, for example. They seem to take everything I say literally. Like today, I said 'so we don't need to worry about doing page 10?' and the tutor snapped back 'you don't need to worry about anything'. I obviously didn't literally mean worry, I meant just that it wasn't necessary for us to do it?! Doesn't everyone use this phrase like that?

Anyway, this is really rambling I know, but I had to share with someone. I just feel hopeless. Exhausted, drained and completely hated by most of the people I meet. I remember 10 years ago, people were urging me to speak more because I was so shy. Now I do speak a lot and it appears that people just don't like my personality. Which is actually much worse. It was easier to be thought of as the shy girl than the really annoying girl. Does anyone know what I mean at all or have a similar issue? Or advice? I just feel so, so so so low and am considering dropping out of this course not to have to deal with daily judgements and mean comments.

This is probably bad advice, but what I did was to stick things out and fake it when needed. I used to be extremely anxious. I'd get sick before going to school just on an ordinary day, and felt nauseous about something pretty much all the time.

My solution was just to tough it out and force myself to seem relaxed. I thought about the type of person I wanted to be, and then I acted like that. Over time it did become a part of me. No one is going to give you a break. People that do seem sympathetic are probably just trying to help, but in reality they'd probably prefer a fun giggly chat than a stressful heart to heart. All you can do is throw a smile on every morning and just force it out of you, until it becomes natural - and it does.

For years I had terrible trouble from anxiety. I couldn't go to the doctor, I couldn't go to the dentist, I couldn't get a haircut. It was easier to just stay inside. I was so stressed I only made it to school for one third of the year. Now I can't walk down the street in my town without bumping into someone and having a chat. I still need to prepare for things privately, but I can smooth through most things when needed. Thankfully that old Irish attitude of small talk helps, I fill a lot of conversation with "ah well the weather...." or "sure there's no use complaining!", but I try my best to be as friendly, warm and confident as possible. It's taken a long time, but it worked for me. Force it, bluff it, smile and don't ask "what if".

LegacyUser

true-or-false wrote: »

This is probably bad advice, but what I did was to stick things out and fake it when needed. I used to be extremely anxious. I'd get sick before going to school just on an ordinary day, and felt nauseous about something pretty much all the time.

My solution was just to tough it out and force myself to seem relaxed. I thought about the type of person I wanted to be, and then I acted like that. Over time it did become a part of me. No one is going to give you a break. People that do seem sympathetic are probably just trying to help, but in reality they'd probably prefer a fun giggly chat than a stressful heart to heart. All you can do is throw a smile on every morning and just force it out of you, until it becomes natural - and it does.

For years I had terrible trouble from anxiety. I couldn't go to the doctor, I couldn't go to the dentist, I couldn't get a haircut. It was easier to just stay inside. I was so stressed I only made it to school for one third of the year. Now I can't walk down the street in my town without bumping into someone and having a chat. I still need to prepare for things privately, but I can smooth through most things when needed. Thankfully that old Irish attitude of small talk helps, I fill a lot of conversation with "ah well the weather...." or "sure there's no use complaining!", but I try my best to be as friendly, warm and confident as possible. It's taken a long time, but it worked for me. Force it, bluff it, smile and don't ask "what if".

That's exactly what I do though, and it's NOT working. It's actually much worse because I end up feeling like an empty shell. I try to be happy and easygoing and it's just not me, and I fail at it as well, which is crushing. I was much happier when I was just myself. This facade is for the benefit of other people and it's severely harming my mental health which I wouldn't mind but it doesn't even seem to work! People seem to find my attempts at chat or banter irritating. Stuff that would be funny or sarcastic coming from other people is just 'moany' coming from me. I don't know what it is about me that is so offputting but something is, and the more I talk, the worse it gets.

Tramps Like Us

OP I'm sure everyone doesnt hate you, they just dont understand. Chances are as well that you might think it is worse than it is, you get in a place where you are hyper attentive to what people say and give it far too much weight. TBH it sounds like ur tutor is a prick.


Are you in college? One of the main Dublin ones maybe? I suggest meeting with the counsellors, aside from the obvious they can help out in terms of making the course a bit easier for you, extra time in exams etc, getting people to cut you some slack. My college bent over backward to help me when I was struggling. DCU is my university so if you are there I can tell you that supports there are for exams and that

I dont think anxiety is something people really understand, I had it really bad a few years ago where I was afraid to do anything and would not leave my house, even buying something in the show would stress me out, my heart would be thumping etc. Luckily for me it just kinda got better by itself.

Best of luck OP