Am I being unreasonable?

rawn

I'm with my bf nearly 3 years, and we've been living together for 2. We see each other every day but as we're both super busy with college assignments, we'd be in the same room working away but not exactly spending time together, not by my definition anyways. He always makes sure he gets in an hour or two of gaming a night (he's big into his MMRPG) before heading to bed several hours before me. We don't watch any movies or shows together, or go out, or even eat dinner together really, he'd eat at his computer while studying. We never argue, at least not about anything important and the fights never last more than 5 minutes because we're both quite reasonable and laid back. But we've been fighting all day today, this NEVER happens. Basically, we were supposed to go to a party at a friends house. We haven't seen any of these friends in ages as we've been so busy, but my bf announced, pretty much at the last minute, that he wasn't gonna bother because he wanted to play his computer games instead. I got quite upset because I'd been looking forward to going in our couples costumes and chatting with friends that are very rarely all in the same room together. He kept just saying I should go alone, but that just irked me even more. I mean, we barely spend time together as it is but on a rare occasion that we have to go out and have fun he'd rather sit in front of his computer and raid dungeons with strangers online! I don't have a problem with him gaming so often, even though I'd like him to curl up with a movie the odd time, once a week even, but tonight for some reason has really pushed my buttons. Didn't go to the party, he's gaming with his headphones and mic on, haven't spoken in about 4 hours. Is it too much for me to ask him to spend one night with me?! He can game tomorrow ffs!! Am I being unreasonable?

strandroad

No, you're not. The last minute bit is especially inconsiderate. But if you seem to be flatmates more than partners there's more to be concerned about.

LegacyUser

Why are you with this so called man?

I can understand why you are mad with him now as you are begining to realise just what your so called boyfriend is like.
He has being showing a total lack of respect for you and treating you like a doormat by leaving you sitting there when he plays his computer games.
You don't go out as a couple, you don't even watch a dvd together and he is sitting in front of you every night playing computer games.

You were both invited to a party that you were looking forward to.
It was a chance for you to go out as a couple and meet up with as friends instead he tells you I don't want to go because I have to play computer games.

I know couples that met in college, worked long hours ect but they found time to spend with there oh so they could have proper relationships. If your bf wants a realtionship he has to realise that gaming has to come second.
I would tell your boyfreind at this stage you are no longer going to put up with the way he is treating you and that unless he stops gaming and starts to spend proper time with you he will be on his own playing his games.

JenEffy

Is there any chance he's suffering from depression?

Doom

Time to get yourself a life....gaming for 2-3hrs a night....holey **** get out while you can.

Ham Sambo

Hi ya, you said that you both are under pressure with assignments for college etc, perhaps this is playing on his mind, don't give up yet, it's very easy for other posters to come on line and say 'get out asap', it's a hard thing to do after three years.
Sit your bf down one evening, put aside your laptops and head phones for an hour and talk to each other, tell him exactly what you have posted in here and take it from there, hopefully by talking it might open his eyes a wee bit more, G'luck!

rawn

Thanks for the replies. No he's not depressed, he's just never been a social person. He prefers to game than hang out with mates, he does go out maybe once a week at most for a drink but he's fine with that. He much prefers to game and chat with the other gamers. I've always known this, and never had much of a problem with it. All guys ave their hobbies, whether it's football or smoking weed or whatever, his hobby just happens to be gaming. But he's 29 now and I just think when the choice comes down to spending time with me or gaming, he should act his age and pick me, seeing as we do feck all else together, I only ask for one night a week! He has longer days in college than me, and studies a solid 2 or 3 hours every night, so I give him a lot of slack, he's entitled to relax. I just feel like he doesn't appreciate it now.

Having said all that, we are usually really lovey dovey, he always surprises me with flowers or a thoughtful gesture. This is why I feel like I'm being unreasonable, I would consider him a great boyfriend in general, I just wish he would spend time with me, doing something that I want us to do, even just for a few hours!

We're still both stubbornly giving each other the silent treatment since last night. Part of me wants to give in and go over and hug him, which I know would clear the whole thing up, but I don't wanna just brush it aside for the sake of keeping the peace.

Mr.Fred

rawn wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. No he's not depressed, he's just never been a social person. He prefers to game than hang out with mates, he does go out maybe once a week at most for a drink but he's fine with that. He much prefers to game and chat with the other gamers. I've always known this, and never had much of a problem with it.

You've always known this. So why do you have an issue with it now?

Yes cancelling last minute was a bit harsh but it seems as though you know what he's like and what he's into and have accepted it up to now. Why would he suddenly change?

It's not about growing up there's gamers in their fortys who are the very same. They've no interest in going out or watching movies, playing games online is their thing.

If you no longer accept how he is and what he's into amd he's unwilling to change then you've little choice but to move on.

I don't think either of ye are being unreasonable it just sounds as though ye want different things tbh.

rawn

Well I'm not asking him to quit gaming, I'm asking is it too much to expect him to choose to spend time with me one night out of the week? We've had a whole week off college for mid term, we haven't done anything together cos we've been busy with studying and assignments

boomkatalog

If I were you, (which isn't too far from my own situation given your boyfriends interests and priorities are similar to my boyfriends), I'd go over and hug him. Bigger picture is that you love each other.

Then I'd ask him to save his game, leave his phone aside and go for a walk and a chat. Or just a chat if its crappy outside where you are. Tell him why you were so hurt, let him have his say, suggest a common ground.

Tails142

As a former mmorpg addict, you're totally in the right.

He has made the selfish decision to stay in and raid rather than go out with you.

Dunno what to tell you but you're not being unreasonable, you have every right to be pissed off.

wirelessdude01

He sounds like he wouldn't even notice if you even moved out of the house. Ye sound like ye are housemates and not lovers. Is this the life you want going forward?