Saturday Funnies

MonkieSocks

One summer day in Paris, a mama kitty had a litter of three kittens. Whimsically, she named the little furballs Une, Deux, and Trois.

Summer flew by, and the kittens grew up playing on the banks of the Seine. However, mama was always careful to admonish the kittens not to venture too near the water, as it was very dangerous to do so.

Imagine their delight when they awoke one frosty November morning to find a film of ice had formed on the river!

Ignoring mama's warnings, they gamboled out onto the frozen surface, slipping and sliding as they went, going farther and farther out into the channel, blissfully unaware how thin the ice was ... until the inevitable happened.

The ice broke....:(




















and Une, Deux, Trois cats sank

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At the gala ceremony held to honour Charles de Gaulle upon his retirement.

a British journalist asked Madame de Gaulle what she wanted most now that her husband was free from the duties of public life.

She smiled and replied "A penis!"

The journalist was completely taken aback until the General stepped in and said

"My dear, I believe in English it is pronounced 'happiness.'"

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A guy goes to his doctor. He says

"Doc, I've got a problem. Every day at 7:00 am I take a huge dump."

The doctor says "It sounds like a good habit. Why is it a problem?"

The guy says "I don't wake up till 9:00."

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An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.

He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter) and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked,

“What the heck is going on here?”

The drunk, still staring down replied:






“I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost.”:eek:

antofitz

love the doc one, short and sweet haha