Growing out of best friends / cutting them loose

whirlpool

My second thread about friends. Yes I'm having an issue with friends at the moment. But this will be my last one. Promise.

I was great friends with someone for 4 years. In hindsight, I never 100% trusted this person or felt 100% myself around them. Maybe 90%, but not 100. This person ended up being a d*ck to me. I don't think they meant to, but they did. I've cut them loose now because I've no time for that kinda sh*t in my life especially as I get older. And they became an even bigger d*ck to me in response to me cutting them loose. Which was kinda the confirmation I needed that I'd done the right thing.

Now, one of my other best friends. He's 22 I'm 27. We have been friends for over 4 years. The age gap was never much of a big deal. But as I get older, my priorities are changing rapidly and his aren't at all. He still wants to out getting drunk and clubbing every week. I have much less interest. Also, he's fiery-tempered and erupts at the most immature situations. We've been arguing a lot the past few months. I've put up with a lot of sh*t, and said nothing.

I'm starting to feel exhausted by all this.

I'm 27, I've zero interest in dramatics, friendships that are more effort than fun, and my priorities in life have changed hugely in the past year.

The second friendship means a lot more to me than the first one, so I'm more reluctant to let go of that one. Especially after over 4 years, and it's someone I care about a lot. But it's really starting to grate on me. The immaturity, the childishness, the drama of it - to put it simply, I am done.

I want success and peace in my life - not people who keep causing upset. I owe it to myself.

Have you ever had to cut best friends from your life? What was the tipping point for you?

I just need to hear other people's stories because I'm finding it confusing at the moment.

wazky

Cutting them loose?, why are they tied up can I ask?

Whatever you do, be nice about it, you may meet them again further down the track!
You're moving on now, they will also move on at a time of their choosing!

Too Tough To Die

I 90% don't give a f*ck.

Czarcasm

At this point OP, you're probably better off posting about this stuff in Personal Issues tbh.

dodderangler

Ah here will someone be this persons friend.
Gettin depressed reading them

wretcheddomain

Yes - go away OP, you moan on here on a Friday night about negative dramatic people around you yet you come on here and become our resident negative dramatist. Maybe it's you that we need to be cut loose from.

Tasden

I spend time with people I enjoy spending time with. I don't with people I don't.
Analyzing your friendships is just causing you stress.

Karl Stein

Get a dog.

Cee-Jay-Cee

I'm trying to figure out if the OP is male or female, I'm hoping female as I don't think any self aware male would complain about such a thing.

OP have you no proper best friends, friends you know since you started school or earlier, people you grew up beside and have always known and trusted not people you met a few years ago through work or elsewhere and were simply drinking friends/buddies.

I think that's the problem, they're not best friends, they're just people you know for a while but soon forget about.

I have about 3 best friends, I've known them for 25-30 years and trust them implicitly.

KKkitty

It's a part of life and so what if they get narky over you cutting them loose. It's not like you're cutting vital organs out of them is it? I've never had close friends really but I'm kinda glad I didn't at this stage of my life. Do what you want to do and if you need to shed some deadweight on the way so be it.

For Forks Sake

wazky wrote: »

Cutting them loose?, why are they tied up can I ask?

Someone found a safe....

pharmaton

nature abhors a vacuum op, when you make space for new people to come into your life they inevitably will, whether they are better or worse than previous friendships is almost irrelevant but the better you get at figuring out what works for you the more likely you are to attract those kind of influences into your life. Don't ever be afraid to let go.

Cycling Dumbasses

wretcheddomain wrote: »

Yes - go away OP, you moan on here on a Friday night about negative dramatic people around you yet you come on here and become our resident negative dramatist. Maybe it's you that we need to be cut loose from.

Here Here..

fergiesfolly

When I was younger, I was a hot headed, immature dick.
The friends that saw through that to the decent bloke behind it, are the ones I cherish most.
If you think your friend is worth the time and effort for, then cut him some slack and be prepared for him to do some growing up for a couple of years.
If not, "cut him loose", cos he deserves a better friend.

shedweller

When you get a bit older and have kids, house, job etc. you will find yourself drifting away from what you thought were mates. They still are i suppose but you simply dont keep in contact because you are flat out with kids etc.
Before you know it you are staring retirement in the face. Trust me, time passes more quickly as you get older. It has for me and it still shocks me. My father in law has a cool air about him but i suspect it has more to do with his "lalalalala" feeling towards being older. I think i might agree with him.

Rho b

CJC999 wrote: »

I'm trying to figure out if the OP is male or female, I'm hoping female as I don't think any self aware male would complain about such a thing.

OP have you no proper best friends, friends you know since you started school or earlier, people you grew up beside and have always known and trusted not people you met a few years ago through work or elsewhere and were simply drinking friends/buddies.

I think that's the problem, they're not best friends, they're just people you know for a while but soon forget about.

I have about 3 best friends, I've known them for 25-30 years and trust them implicitly.

CJC I think you have hit the nail on the head. How can you be best friends with someone in 4 years, maybe I am been naive/ignorant.
I have 4 best friends (outside of family) 3 female and one male. They know me and I them for over 15 years +. They are people that I can phone up any time of the day or night if I need to talk and visa versa.

biko

I didn't even read this.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Sir Osis of Liver.

Friends come and go,fcuk em.
Trust nobody but your family,just beware when inlaws come on the scene.

Love many,trust few OP.