Worried About Ex-Girlfriend

LegacyUser

Not so much of a relationship question but only an issue due to the fact I was in a relationship with this girl so I presume its ok in this forum.

We broke up at the end of last year (not gonna get too into she cheated on me, completely changed who she is, new friends, drinks drugs etc.) We were together for 4 years.

Took me a long time to get over but I've moved on and have a new girlfriend which is going well after 3 months so far.

My issue is I don't want to even see my ex or anything but I know through mutual friends who have told me she is an absolute mess. She hasn't stopped drinking in months, smoking weed doing pills sleeping around doing everything that was so unlike the girl I once knew.

I receive the odd message off her, at first she was apologising for what happened with us and said she hopes I'm happy in my new relationship and stuff but it eventually progressed to me telling her how worried I was to hear these things about her. I've always thought she is bi-polar and she even agreed.

I told her to get help. I still care about the girl after all we've been through but there is no romantic feelings left there at all. She didn't take what I said very well when I mentioned her drinking and drug problems and her sleeping around. She thinks I was being mean and using it as a way to feel better about myself and that I was almost slagging her for being "mentally ill" and I think I'm way better than her.

So after countless texts trying to explain and say I'm here to talk about these things if she'd let me and stop being defensive I still could not get through to her. So I thought best to leave her to it and at least she knows I'm here if she needs me or whatever.

Now yesterday I got a message threatening suicide basically due to me being "mean" to her. Naturally enough I freaked out I tried texting and calling she has her phone off or disconnected so can't get through and I've been worried all day I can't get any information at all.

I don't know what to do, she needs to get help but she also needs to want to help herself.
I couldn't sleep last night haven't been able to stop thinking about it today and if she goes out tonight for halloween i can just imagine her drinking or drugging herself into oblivion.

And its all "my fault" apparently if this happens, anybody have any experience with this?
Is she just being overly dramatic or should I be more worried?

Neyite

You are NOT responsible for the choices she makes, no matter what they are. You need to disengage from her now. By continuing to stay in touch, its dragging things out for you both, I think you need to stop replying to her. If she threatens self-harm, ring a friend or a relative of hers and tell them so they can help but that is all you should do.

I know its hard to feel like you are standing by watching someone you care about self destruct, but you cant help someone who abuses drink and drugs, they can only help themselves. She needs a support system that does not involve the ex that she still has feelings for.

December2012

She is not your responsibility.

You could forward the suicude threat message to a relative or friend of hers (if you're still in touch). Tell them this is what she sent you, and you won't be getting back in touch with her further as it not helpful to her.

You could contact an organisation like Pieta House to see if they have any advice that they could give you.

Esoteric_

If you have no way of contacting her friends or family, and believe the suicide or self harm threats to be genuine, call the police with her address. Had to do it with an ex before and they not only went up to his house, but brought him into hospital.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies.

I've since stopped contact haven't heard from her although I'm sure I will.
I have ways of contacting her friends but I have done this previously to say I'm worried and even sent a copy and pasted conversation to prove it but they didn't believe me and thought I was making the whole thing up.

I don't think she's actually going to do anything thankfully. But if she goes into a bad manic episode who knows what she can do and I'm sure all the drink and drugs isn't exactly helping her mind.

But I will use your information if needed someday but hopefully it won't come to that.

Thanks a million, I feel a lot more relieved and relaxed now and can finally sleep.