Nervous about meeting GF's friends!!

LegacyUser

Hi there guys and gals..

Hoping for a bit of help here. I'll probably be meeting my girlfriend's friends soon enough, and I'm very nervous about it, almost to the extent of not wanting a relationship anymore.. Ridiculous I know :P Love my GF very much, and so want her to be happy, but this is a serious stumbling block in my head!

The thing is, its not as black and white as it seems, there is a bit of history.. I'm pretty sure that these people don't even like me as it is! It took me a while at first to make up my mind that I wanted a relationship with my GF, and her friends thought I was just stringing her along, and have tried a lot to get her to move on and forget about me. I'm certain they would not have been best pleased to hear we are together...... Although I know its possible that they could just be happy for their friend regardless of what went on before (I think this is unlikely)

This has made me feel really awkward about the situation now, I feel as though I'll be going somewhere that I'm not wanted, and I'm not the most socially confident bloke anyway so its essentially made things ten times more difficult for me. It would have been hard for me anyway!

I guess I'm looking for advice on how best to deal with this, as TBH if we don't get along well or things are awkward with her friends, then I really don't see the relationship continuing as I don't see myself as a confident enough person to deal with awkwardness etc.

Any tips/advice or previous similar experiences are welcome!

Thanks people

beks101

Hold on a second now, you haven't even met them yet so you have no idea how they're going to react.

You're catastrophizing this in your head based on a vague idea you have about them, based on you and you're girlfriend's early days as a couple. And you've made the illogical leap from the potential of "them not liking you" to "I'll have to break up with my girlfriend". Which is irrational and absurd. You love the girl, she assumedly loves you - why would a poor first impression with someone outside the relationship, who has nothing to do with your relationship, change that?

Let's go the route of that first meeting with her mates going terribly, awkward silences, lack of conversation, zero eye contact, hostile body language. So what? What's so bad about that? So they're not you're biggest fan. Bah humbug. It's always nice when your mates think your OH is deadly, but I've had relationships where there just was no common ground, not much banter and they sort of tolerated each other for my sake. So fcuking what. I liked the guy, I trusted the guy, and I was the one who was going to be crawling into bed with him, so it made sweet fcuk of a difference to me.

Just think of it that way. You have nothing to lose. As long as you don't show your girlfriend up with bad behaviour or act like a rude, obnoxious prick, they'll have no grounds on which to hate you - and if your gf is swayed by a nay-saying friend, despite you not putting a foot out of line, the relationship is clearly not as strong as you think.

So show up, smile at everyone, introduce yourself, make an effort to talk to everyone, be pleasant, civil and respectful. Act interested in people, ask them questions about themselves. But chillax! Most good friends genuinely want the best for their mates and will make an effort to engage with you and find common ground, as a courtesy to their friend. You'll be grand!

LegacyUser

OP here..

Cheers for the reply beks, I'm actually a reg poster gone un-reg for this, tbh I knew once I seen you had posted it'd be good advice :P

I really dont want awkwardness though, as I'm bad with it.. Really cant stand it.. If I can help it at all I'd like to get on with them..

Though yeah, your right, I'm probably over reacting a little!

beks101

nervous..... wrote: »

OP here..

Cheers for the reply beks, I'm actually a reg poster gone un-reg for this, tbh I knew once I seen you had posted it'd be good advice :P

Oh, you old charmer

But seriously - work that magic on these friends, flattery will get you everywhere! Not to say you need to up the ante and become nauseatingly, uncharacteristically confident, but if you're talking to a friend that you've heard your gf mention before - throw that into the conversation:

"Oh yeah, X mentioned that you got a promotion / were going on holidays / were moving house, how's that going?" People love to be engaged like that, they love to talk about themselves, so acting interested and being present in every conversation will really endear you to them.

Things will be as awkward as you allow them to be. If you go in with the mindset of "I'm not wanted here," you'll act like someone who feels unwanted, a persecuted man who's afraid to open his mouth for fear of digging a further hole for himself. You'll feel uneasy, others will sense your uneasiness, it won't be an enjoyable interaction.

However, if you go in with the attitude that this is just another social event no different to any other night out or get-together you've had, with a bunch of mates drinking beer and talking shyte, and feck it, sure it's been a long week and it might be fun to meet some new interesting people...you'll be a lot more relaxed and at ease with yourself.

Because essentially, that is all this is. It's not life or death. You have nothing to prove - you already have your gf's seal of approval and she is obviously happy and proud to be with you - she wouldn't be introducing you to the mates in the first place if she wasn't.

Don't be afraid to confide in your lady about all of this either, she'd probably find it sweet and endearing that you're a bit nervous about this. And have a beer beforehand if it helps with the nerves (but just ONE, mind! Rocking up drunk is probably not advisable..:D)

wirelessdude01

At the end of the day there should be and usually are only two people in a relationship. She is with you and eventually they will see your a 'good' guy if indeed that is what you are. I'm sure even if the family have reservations about you both personally and as a boyfriend they will be civil enough to not show them on a first introduction. It's all over to you then.

As an aside you must have really done a number somewhere along the line for her friends to not like you to the extent tht they have been trying to get her to forget you and also you being pretty sure that the family won't like you even though you haven't met them before. Your reputation must indeed be preceeding you. Full story not being told here I feel.

Tokyo

nervous..... wrote: »

It took me a while at first to make up my mind that I wanted a relationship with my GF, and her friends thought I was just stringing her along, and have tried a lot to get her to move on and forget about me.

So...? Prove them wrong!

Im serious, it is that simple. If you care about your girlfriend and make her happy, then just be yourself with her, and her friends. They'll soon see if you're a decent guy or not.

Tasden

The fact that you turn up to meet her friends will show her you care. Hard part over. What they think of you after that prob wont matter to your girlfriend much because as far as she is concerned you were nice enough to do that for her. Well that's how I'd see it anyway. But I'm stubborn and if I like someone I don't care what people think!
Also, meeting friends scenario is often pretty unnatural. People are overly polite etc. Your girlfriend will know this, her friends will know this and you should know this. No matter how well or bad it goes, everyone knows it has no real bearing on anything really! After a few interactions where people relax and talk like proper human beings and friends- that's when they will get a feel for what you're really like. And I'm sure they'll love you if your girlfriend does!

Best of luck! Its new and daunting- enjoy it!! Seriously, we do the same **** day in day out- soak it all up and enjoy an experience outside your comfort zone! Its one day out of your life, don't overthink it!

LegacyUser

OP here again..

Thanks guys wasn't expecting so many helpful replies

I guess maybe the best thing for me to do is try to adopt an attitude of them just being ''new people I've just met'' rather than ''new people I've met that I'd like to impress but I feel they may not like me already''.

I feel now like I'm possibly overcomplicating things in my head, which, I'll admit, I've often done before in many situations!

I think though that for me, at the end of the day, the problem is probably confidence.. It takes me a while to get comfortable with people and comfortable in conversation with people so this is also an issue..

Ah fcuk it I'll manage ....

Any more inputs are welcome

Matteroffact

When your g/f went through the phase of not being sure of you she was just getting the normal advice from her friends even though they never met you. Now that things are fine between you and g/f there is no reason why they won't like you. So forget about your worries.