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feelings for another man

  • 29-10-2013 9:16pm
    #1
    amandaclare
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1 ✭


    I'm in a relationship with my bf for the last 5 years and we have a son together. I'm not happy in this relationship, just content- I suppose I stay with him because of our son. I know it's not love, that's for sure. Recently my ex returned home from abroad after 6/7 years. When we met there was clear sexual tension and very strong feeling between both of us. Since then I cannot stop thinking about him.
    I'm asking your opinions on if I should tell my bf about these feelings or just keep it to myself. Even though I have not done anything with my ex I feel incredibly guilty just having the feelings and thoughts about him.

    Any opinions on the matter is greatly appreciated.


Comments

  • #2
    Merkin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    amandaclare wrote: »
    When we met there was clear sexual tension and very strong feeling between both of us. Since then I cannot stop thinking about him.

    I'm not dismissing your feelings for a moment but how do you know these feelings of yours were reciprocated? I sometimes think it is all too easy to see what we want to see. You had these feelings but unless articulated be your ex I wouldn't presume anything. I wouldn't say anything about these feelings to your partner either, not fair to implicate a third party when you don't know for sure how he feels about you.

    I think really you should decide what you want to do in your current relationship and then take it from there. If you don't love your partner anymore then maybe you need to extricate yourself from that before getting involved with someone else hon.


  • #3
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    I think any feelings towards your ex, real or imagined, sexual or deeper, reciprocated or not, are completely irrelevent.

    You don't love your bf. Sucks balls for him but you need to be ihonest with him. I'm sure he wouldn't want to be with somone that doesn't really love him. He deserves the truth. Imo conducting a relationship with somone on the false premise that you love them and allowimg them to continue believing it (until eventually, sooner or later, when it suits you you leave him - which it sounds like is exactly where things will ultimately end up) is far worse than cheating.

    Tell your bf the truth, preferably as gently and considerately and with as much empathy and understanding of what it will be like for him to hear that as possible (without mentioning your ex, as like I said he's pretty much irrelevent) - that you don't love him anymore - and let the chips fall where they may. It's the least he deserves and the only right, honest and moral thing to do.

    Did you ever love him? If so, when did that change? Did it just fade away? Did something happen? Did things change a lot between you? Did he change? Did you?


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