more than one relationship at once, seriously, why not?

IM0

apart from "oh thats not right for gods children to do!" rubbish, why is it so hard for people to believe that it is possible to love more than 1 person at the same time? I mean most of us have families (which we were born into and friends) and we love them, the key word there is them, more than one usually, so why is it so hard for people to accept its POSSIBLE to have more than 1 lover at the same time? and why do they find it so wrong apart from reasons of jelousy? the only difference between a partner and anyone else in your life you love is that you have sex with them, and probably tell them more secretive things and thats just a generalisation too

DrumSteve

I love my family and friends but I wouldnt wanna **** them.

Sh1tbag OToole

Multiple sentences in the same OP? Impossible.

biko

OP, would you be ok with being one of maybe three or four boyfriends to a particular girl?
If so fair play. It's not for me.

The_Pretender

If you're lucky enough to find one person worth spending the rest of your life with then you shouldn't really want to be with anyone else :pac:

Daveysil15

OP you may benefit from moving to a middle eastern country.

Ihatecuddles-old

I was in a relationship and we were seeing other people for about 3 out of the 6 months, its just us now and I have to say, its 10 times better.

We thought we were getting the best of both worlds, but honestly, Ill never do it again. I love that its just us now.

Holsten

Where would you get the time?!?!

One is enough!

AnonoBoy

Look man you can start as many threads as you want but your Missus is not going to let you ride other girls.

Time to stop leaving your browser open on threesomes videos as a hint too!

wretcheddomain

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I was in a relationship and we were seeing other people for about 3 out of the 6 months, its just us now and I have to say, its 10 times better.

We thought we were getting the best of both worlds, but honestly, Ill never do it again. I love that its just us now.

Apt username.

Frosty McSnowballs

Sometimes one is too many

mikom

Scan, I barely have enough energy to keep one woman going...... never mind two.

Electric Sheep

IM0 wrote: »

apart from "oh thats not right for gods children to do!" rubbish, why is it so hard for people to believe that it is possible to love more than 1 person at the same time? I mean most of us have families (which we were born into and friends) and we love them, the key word there is them, more than one usually, so why is it so hard for people to accept its POSSIBLE to have more than 1 lover at the same time? and why do they find it so wrong apart from reasons of jelousy? the only difference between a partner and anyone else in your life you love is that you have sex with them, and probably tell them more secretive things and thats just a generalisation too

I think part of the problem is the prevailing belief in the "Soulmate" - a person that can magically fulfill all your needs, intellectually, emotionally, physically...This usually leads to serial monogamy, each change of partner leading to the same disappointment that yet again, the partner cannot fulfill all the needs.

Of course it is possible to have more than one lover at a time - many people do. I'm sure it's still taboo in many societies to do so openly, though.

IM0

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I was in a relationship and we were seeing other people for about 3 out of the 6 months, its just us now and I have to say, its 10 times better.

We thought we were getting the best of both worlds, but honestly, Ill never do it again. I love that its just us now.

are you talking about cheating on each other, or did you both know and go along with the whole thing, basically was it a consensual arrangement?

IM0

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I think part of the problem is the prevailing belief in the "Soulmate" - a person that can magically fulfill all your needs, intellectually, emotionally, physically...This usually leads to serial monogamy, each change of partner leading to the same disappointment that yet again, the partner cannot fulfill all the needs.

in a word its selfishness really isnt it?

seanie_c

more than one relationship at once, seriously, why not?

AIDS

Muise...

I have found that the people who insist on free love don't actually mean 'free', just very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very cheap.

Savoir.Faire

I've found myself in this situation on a number of occasions over the years. It always starts off being rather exciting; the naughty and illicit nature of another relationship. A bit on the side. It does get stressful though. Elaborate plans, grandiose lies, second guessing others thoughts.

It also gets hairy if your tupping buddy has a husband or boyfriend as well and who refuses to talk it out with you. Another stress.

Lyaiera

Muise... wrote: »

I have found that the people who insist on free love don't actually mean 'free', just very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very cheap.

Terry Pratchett?

Wacker The Attacker

you cant beat a nice bit of extra curricular fanny

hoodwinked

IM0 wrote: »

apart from "oh thats not right for gods children to do!" rubbish, why is it so hard for people to believe that it is possible to love more than 1 person at the same time?

it really does depend on the circumstances,

if it is a case that everyone involved is completely open about who else is in the relationship, (and everyone is honestly cool with it) then why not go for it?

but in most cases i have seen jealousy takes over,


what i don't agree with is someone who got married promised to be faithful....etc then changing the goal posts 3 or 4 years down the line,

or worse having multiple girlfriends/boyfriends behind the husband's/wife's back!


as long as honesty is a key component for everyone involved, and everyone enters into it of their own free will then why not?

BillyMitchel

Turn the tables here. What if your girlfriend had 3 blokes and you were 1 of the 3? Would it be ok still? Even that odd night she might stay would you she still be all sticky and damp from being with me and even then if we live by your logic, she's still only with you because I'd be with someone else! Not nice is it?!

IM0

Savoir.Faire wrote: »

I've found myself in this situation on a number of occasions over the years. It always starts off being rather exciting; the naughty and illicit nature of another relationship. A bit on the side. It does get stressful though. Elaborate plans, grandiose lies, second guessing others thoughts.

It also gets hairy if your tupping buddy has a husband or boyfriend as well and who refuses to talk it out with you. Another stress.

Im not talking about open relationships or bits on the side, I mean more than two people in the same relationship the same way a certain mr tax on the forum conducts his life and has been open about it on the forum too

Electric Sheep

seanie_c wrote: »

AIDS

Why do you think that would be more of an issue with polyamory than with serial monogamy?

Ihatecuddles-old

IM0 wrote: »

are you talking about cheating on each other, or did you both know and go along with the whole thing, basically was it a consensual arrangement?

We both knew and were fine with it.
We were monogamous by accident for a few weeks so we said we'd keep it like that, we got on better and enjoyed each others company more.

IM0

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Turn the tables here. What if your girlfriend had 3 blokes and you were 1 of the 3? Would it be ok still? Even that odd night she might stay would you she still be all sticky and damp from being with me and even then if we live by your logic, she's still only with you because I'd be with someone else! Not nice is it?!

of course, cant expect to be just about 1male, thats pretty mysognystic, but I would expect them to be as loving as they would be with other people in their lives. alot of people think its all about sex, its not relationships are about so much more than sex

Wacker The Attacker

Swinging and dogging is great craic

seanie_c

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Why do you think that would be more of an issue with polyamory than with serial monogamy?

Hey man, why wouldn't I be proud to say I visit the STD clinic on a regular basis because of promiscuous activity?

I take lots of drugs, abuse alcohol, bash my fists off the wall in rage at the world and engage in promiscuous sex like nobody else...all my friends envy my lifestyle...I'm uber ****ing kewl.

*handicapped thumbs up*

Santa Cruz

IM0 wrote: »

in a word its selfishness really isnt it?

Surely it's more giving of yourself. Spreading the happiness among other things

IM0

Santa Cruz wrote: »

Surely it's more giving of yourself. Spreading the happiness among other things

thats what I meant, its selfish to want only one person to yourself, and for you to want them to be your picture of what perfection should be

Blisterman

It's certainly possible to have a polyamorous relationship, and many people do. The difficulty is that you need to find two other people who you not only love and love you in return, but who are happy with being in a non exclusive relationship.

Given how difficult it is for most people to find one person who meets just the first two criteria, explains why it's so rare.

PickledLime

IM0 wrote: »

the only difference between a partner and anyone else in your life you love is that you have sex with them,

Seriously?!

You've either never been in a proper relationship or you have some messed up issues to have such a warped view.

Ihatecuddles-old

IM0 wrote: »

thats what I meant, its selfish to want only one person to yourself, and for you to want them to be your picture of what perfection should be

I didnt want my boyfriend to fit any checklist, in fact he was the opposite to what I thought I wanted in a lot of ways. He's perfect to me and for me.

It may be selfish to want him all to myself, Ill be selfish in that regard

PickledLime

IM0 wrote: »

and for you to want them to be your picture of what perfection should be

Again, that's not how adult (and successful!) relationships work!

IM0

PickledLime wrote: »

Seriously?!

You've either never been in a proper relationship or you have some messed up issues to have such a warped view.

nah youre just an ndoctrinated narrow minded person, trading insults is fun init

BillyMitchel

Same as most things in this world. The dream is nice but the reality would be pretty crap.

We are all human and eventually jealously, sex, emotions would get in the way.

Even try being with someone and having a bit on the side. It's a focking nightmare!!

MugMugs

Holsten wrote: »

Where would you get the time?!?!

One is enough!

No really, where do you get the time?

I'm doing something wrong here !

Frobby

I believe jealousy comes from not accepting yourself, from not completely believing you are good enough. This is what stops people from enjoying open relationships.

IM0

PickledLime wrote: »

Seriously?!

You've either never been in a proper relationship or you have some messed up issues to have such a warped view.

and ok ill bite :rolleyes:
so what do you think Im missing from the quote you posted?

bearing in mind when I said sex I meant everything directly related to it, kids, intimacy ect and also unrelated emotional support beyond that you would with the best of your friends

Frobby

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Same as most things in this world. The dream is nice but the reality would be pretty crap.

We are all human and eventually jealously, sex, emotions would get in the way.

Even try being with someone and having a bit on the side. It's a focking nightmare!!

When you love yourself you don't feel jealously.

The Big Smoke

I don't think it is truely possible to love someone forever. Humans are genetically programmed to want to move on after a period of time (the honeymoon period as it is usually called). The amount of people cheating out there adds to the theory that we aren't meant to be in relationships that last more than a year at most. The whole marriage, diamond ring, big house etc are marketing gimmicks foisted upon us by marketers and the deeply religious.

lizwex88

The Big Smoke wrote: »

I don't think it is truely possible to love someone forever. Humans are genetically programmed to want to move on after a period of time (the honeymoon period as it is usually called). The amount of people cheating out there adds to the theory that we aren't meant to be in relationships that last more than a year at most. The whole marriage, diamond ring, big house etc are marketing gimmicks foisted upon us by marketers and the deeply religious.

Oh my god! Cynical to say the least....yes there is cheating out there but there is also loving, lasting, healthy relationships out there too!

IM0

The Big Smoke wrote: »

I don't think it is truely possible to love someone forever. Humans are genetically programmed to want to move on after a period of time (the honeymoon period as it is usually called). The amount of people cheating out there adds to the theory that we aren't meant to be in relationships that last more than a year at most. The whole marriage, diamond ring, big house etc are marketing gimmicks foisted upon us by marketers and the deeply religious.

while I agree with the sentiment of that, I dont fully agree, it is easier to still love that person if there are other partners brought into that relationship
or in it in the first place

The Big Smoke

lizwex88 wrote: »

Oh my god! Cynical to say the least....yes there is cheating out there but there is also loving, lasting, healthy relationships out there too!

I've yet to see a truly loving, lasting etc relationship. Not cynical, just life experience.

BillyMitchel

Frobby wrote: »

When you love yourself you don't feel jealously.

Was never really a jealous person but had a girlfriend once and she was the stunning one out of us two and all of a sudden she became really jealous for no reasons and it definitely rubbed off on me and I started to get jealous. Had to end it it got so bad. The relationship became a nightmare

OneArt

One of my best friends has been in a polyamorous marriage for the last few years and it's still going strong. In fact, the main strain on their relationship is something completely unrelated and they sometimes take "breaks" from each other.

Monogamy isn't for me, having only one person that I'm "allowed" to kiss or have sex with is nonsense in my opinion. If it works for you, fine, but I don't like the idea. At the same time, I'd probably not have the energy for more than two partners (I don't have any right now).

To be perfectly honest, I think the bonds of a best-friendship where you decide to be life partners (but not necessarily romantic ones) is a better idea. Romantic feelings for me have always been fleeting, but I feel the same way about my best friends now as I did ten years ago. Give me that friendship over romance any day.

Muise...

The Big Smoke wrote: »

I've yet to see a truly loving, lasting etc relationship. Not cynical, just life experience.

I'd introduce you to my lovely grandparents, but they went and tested the till-death-us-do-part vow when they upped and died within the last decade.

Davidius

Ah don't be so greedy. One to one's a good enough ratio.

boomkatalog

I can't even share taytos, not to mind a fcekin man.

I would LOVE a packet of taytos now

The Big Smoke

Muise... wrote: »

I'd introduce you to my lovely grandparents, but they went and tested the till-death-us-do-part vow when they upped and died within the last decade.

Most older couples stayed together because separation and divorce were frowned upon back in the old days.

Your grandparents could have been 100% happy all of the time but most of the time these fairytale relationships aren't as happy as they seem on the outside.