Am I being a Creepy co-worker?

godzillaz10

Recently some things happened in my office which are disturbing me. I am a guy working in a good position in a reputed organisation. Recently a girl joined my organisation and we work in the same team. Now the thing is, from the day she joined, her behaviour toward me was weird. For example, one day she told me I wasn’t romantic enough. Another day I asked her why she looked sad and her reply was, she didn’t have a boyfriend. I took this as a hint and (since she was attractive)promptly asked for her number to which she readily agreed and later I heard her proudly declaring to her colleagues about my taking her number . But that evening I called her, she didn’t receive nor respond to my message. I got irritated and decided to ignore her and she also ignored me.
We started chatting again (we work in the same team and same floor)and since I saw her constantly staring at me, flirting with and throwing stuff at me one day asked her whether she was interested in me. To this she didn’t respond and when I asked for an answer, she replied she didn’t even hear or understand the question clearly(which I later came to know was a lie, since months later one of my colleagues informed me that she informed others that I proposed to her that day).
Anyway, I let the matter rest and since she didn’t respond, thought it best to ignore her. But from that day onwards, things started getting weirder for me. Most of my colleagues (specially female colleagues with whom she was close with) started ignoring and behaving rudely with me. Female colleagues with whom I was good friends with started ignoring me and from their facial expressions it seemed like my presence creeped them out.
Anyway, she’s right now dating a Senior Manager of my company and him being her bf, has also started to act weird (behaving rudely, finding faults with my work where there seems none etc.) . So my guess is, my days are numbered in this organisation.
So right now, I have four questions –
a) Why would a decent woman act like this – First act flirty with me and when I respond, start ignoring me?
b) Spread rumours behind my back? (I heard her once gossiping about me behind my back)
c) Why didn’t she just respond that day with a flat out no instead of acting like she never heard and informing (complaining to?) others?
d) Most importantly, am I actually being a Creep? I mean, was she actually being friendly with me in the first place and my proposing to her Creeped her out?
I am not a misogynist. I treat women with respect even if they behave rudely with me. But this is the limits. Also I love her (but more as a human being)

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

You proposed to her? I don't get this part. Im still thinking you asked her to marry you, tell me Im wrong?

She's more than likely just flirting with you for the attention, or to see your reaction. Id ignore it.

Also I find it strange that you say you love her, when you know she's gossiping about you and possibly spreading rumours.

godzillaz10

Johnny Electricity wrote: »

You proposed to her? I don't get this part. Im still thinking you asked her to marry you, tell me Im wrong?

She's more than likely just flirting with you for the attention, or to see your reaction. Id ignore it.

Also I find it strange that you say you love her, when you know she's gossiping about you and possibly spreading rumours.

I am not an expert around women so I can't say what's exactly going on in this case. Maybe she's a Flirt who likes using men? Or maybe I am a total Creep who can't read signs properly? (Mistaking friendly chatter for romance?)

I didn't exactly propose. I asked her whether she was interested in me or not, to which she didn't reply.

I can't ignore her completely as we work in a team, so we need to work together, which means sitting together and getting the job done together.

Also I think I love her, she's attractive and arrogant(maybe manipulative) but then she's a human being.(I mean i hate her for possibly spreading rumours, but then I think she's younger than me and I need to be the mature one and I think she has issues and needs help i.e. if she continues with this kind of behaviour like fliritng and then ignoring, using men etc., I know a lot of guys would try and seek revenge. )

godzillaz10

What I actually want are the following questions answered -

Firstly, who's at fault here - Me or her?

Secondly and here's the tough part - how do I ignore her considering we both work for the same team, sit mostly next to each other and she mostly tries to initiate conversation with me? (Had she been from outside the organization or even if we both worked for different teams or different departments, I could have just ignored her completely. But here I am bound to interact with her daily)

What is the best course of action available for me?

Czarcasm

godzillaz10 wrote: »

I am not an expert around women so I can't say what's exactly going on in this case. Maybe she's a Flirt who likes using men? Or maybe I am a total Creep who can't read signs properly? (Mistaking friendly chatter for romance?)

I didn't exactly propose. I asked her whether she was interested in me or not, to which she didn't reply.

I can't ignore her completely as we work in a team, so we need to work together, which means sitting together and getting the job done together.

Also I think I love her, she's attractive and arrogant(maybe manipulative) but then she's a human being.(I mean i hate her for possibly spreading rumours, but then I think she's younger than me and I need to be the mature one and I think she has issues and needs help i.e. if she continues with this kind of behaviour like fliritng and then ignoring, using men etc., I know a lot of guys would try and seek revenge. )

Pot calling the kettle black these OP tbh. You sound incredibly naive, despite how mature you think you are. This may sound harsh but you dropped yourself in it. You need to stop being so concerned about this girl, forget about the office politics, and concentrate on what you're there to do - your job.

If you feel the HR Manager is being unfairly critical of your work, then discuss with him how you can improve your work, and forget about this girl, forget about the fact that you're making yourself the target of office gossip. I wouldn't say you were a creep, just a bit harmless tbh. You need to learn to be more aware and more careful of how and what you say, and who you say it to. But for now just concentrate on your work and let this episode blow over, chalk it down to experience and learn from it.

miamee

You both sound incredibly immature to be honest.
She sounds like a silly little girl enjoying lots of attention and you are indulging this behaviour by doing nothing about it. If a male colleague started spreading lies about you in the office, would that be ok?
It's not ok. Forget about any romantic notions you have about this girl and speak to your team leader or manager about how you are being treated and what is going on.

You don't sound creepy from what you've posted but this girl is not interested in you. Do not ask her out or if she is interested in you again for your own sake.

Hannibal Smith

Its hard to say who's at fault. To be honest I think you should both just knuckle down and concentrate on the work you're paid to do.

She's got a boyfriend so just keep everything professional. If she tries to get flirty ask her to keep to the project you're working on.

If her HR boyfriend is being fed information about you and is changing his work attitude towards you because of it that is quite serious.

Start keeping a note or diary of the things that are being said about you and if they continue id have a word with someone else inHR and ask their help in stopping it.

Bottom line. ..ignore her flirting. ..keep to your work. ..report any nastiness.

godzillaz10

Thanks for the help guys. Well I actually tried discussing this issue with my immediate boss who immediately put the fault on me and told me i was shirking responsibility. So I stopped. Anyway, I think I am gonna have a one on one chat with the girl, tell her how her attitude is making matters worse not only for me, but also her and hopefully she'll stop.

Czarcasm

godzillaz10 wrote: »

Thanks for the help guys. Well I actually tried discussing this issue with my immediate boss who immediately put the fault on me and told me i was shirking responsibility. So I stopped. Anyway, I think I am gonna have a one on one chat with the girl, tell her how her attitude is making matters worse not only for me, but also her and hopefully she'll stop.

Despite every poster here advising you to drop it concentrate on your work?

Just leave her be and get on with your work, stop providing her and your work colleagues with their weeks entertainment. That's the only way this will stop, if you stop fuelling it and fuelling yourself.

Geomy

It might be hard, I suggest you try and carry on in your job like you did before this ever happened.

It'll blow over,and the more you poke at it the worse it'll get.

She sounds like a nutter and a player. ...

Stavro Mueller

Creep isn't the word I'd use. Inappropriate and naive I would though. God only knows what this girl's game is but she's dangerous. She was never interested in you but perhaps sensed vulnerability and decided to make an eejit of you. And you know what, if you think you love her then perhaps you are a bit harmless. If you're as soft as this all the time, predatory people like this girl are going to trample right over you in the years to come and continue to do you damage.

At this stage you need to be as professional as you can or you're going to land yourself in more hot water. If there are issues I suggest you go through the proper channels in your job. In other words, your manager and HR. I agree with Hannibal Smith's recommendation further up the page. Start keeping that diary - it could yet turn out to be your best friend.

YumCha

godzillaz10 wrote: »

Also I think I love her, she's attractive and arrogant(maybe manipulative) but then she's a human being.(I mean i hate her for possibly spreading rumours, but then I think she's younger than me and I need to be the mature one and I think she has issues and needs help i.e. if she continues with this kind of behaviour like fliritng and then ignoring, using men etc., I know a lot of guys would try and seek revenge. )

Whoa - love isn't name calling, saying you hate someone, or treating them like they need to be fixed.

Also :eek: at the seeking revenge part - not sure where you're getting your ideas from, but I don't know any guy who would do that. We've all been in situations where we're interested and someone else isn't, but regardless of mixed signals or whatever - it's not okay to ever go exacting 'revenge' and doing what you think is right to achieve your perceived justice.

When she didn't answer your calls - this should have been then end of it. I'm not sure what you think you're going to achieve from continuing to corner her and demand explanations or that she should change her tune - you have zero control over her behaviour, so as others have said just be civil and focus on your work.

thegreatgonzo

godzillaz10 wrote: »

Anyway, I think I am gonna have a one on one chat with the girl, tell her how her attitude is making matters worse not only for me, but also her and hopefully she'll stop.

It's the one on one chats that have gotten you into trouble. Don't attempt to do this. You could be looking at a sexual harassment accusation next.
I don't know what kind of place you work for but I think you'd all be better off as one poster said to just do the work you are paid to do and leave your love life at home. You didn't know this girl 5 minutes before you asked her out knowing that you were going to have to work with her everyday regardless of how things went. Does that seem like a mature thing to do?
I'm being blunt because you seem very naïve and if all you say about her is true than she is certainly the very opposite of a decent woman. Don't be alone with her.

Merkin

I think you really need to heed the advice given in this thread and stay out of her way. Having a little chat is only going to exacerbate the issue. Only discuss work matters when necessary and otherwise stay the hell out of her way.

scarymoon1

My guess is she was using you to get the attention of the senior manager she had her eye on all along. She wanted attention from you in work, she even said you proposed to her!! Then when you contacted her out of work where the senior manager wouldn't see she ignored you. She used you end of. Ignore her and stay out of her way as she sounds a bit crazy.

ivytwine

Seriously, I hope your company doesn't do anything important like manufacturing stents or defibrillators because there is NO work being done in that office!

She acted inappropriately- coming on to you within, what, days of beginning work at your company and now dating a senior manager- and so did you. Probably not creeping (although the revenge talk is a bit overboard) but as many posters have said above, naively.

Work is work. You have plenty of time outside work to worry about your love life outside of office hours, no matter how much you think you love this girl. I cannot put this plainly enough. You come to work to work. You do not come in to spice up your love life.

You have learned a valuable lesson on why you should avoid dating/getting emotionally involved with your colleagues. Next time a pretty woman comes on your team, treat her like you treat Joe from Accounts.

OP for the love of god do not talk to her again unless you want to be accused of harassment and outright fired.
IF they are looking for an excuse that will give it to them. Even if they are not, it will still look very very bad.
Get on with your work and stop obsessing over a girl you don't even know except that she finds you hilarious and spreads rumours about you
If you feel you're being bullied, then keep the diary (well, keep it anyway) and try again with your boss AFTER you pick up your work

godzillaz10

Thanks for the advices everyone. I guess the only options left for me is to stop communications with her or talk to our supervisor.
Any ideas how I should bring the topic with our supervisor?

Mighty_Mouse

IMO OP there's a degree of subtly lacking in how you interpret run of the mill situations. If all your colleagues are finding you "weird" then it's time to question your behavior.

She's a young flirty girl. Most other men would flirt back and brush her off with a pinch of salt. You however immediately "fall in love". ("human being"?). Take rejection too deeply and now start to complain about her behavior to her bosses.

Here's some questions to get you started:

Why this girl? Is she maybe the only attractive girl to be kind to you recently? Do you have a girlfriend? Why did you fall so hard for this girl, who you barely know?

Why do you wish to speak to a supervisor? Why are you trying to achieve?
IMO it's time to take a step back and question your own behavior.
This girl has no interest in you. Drop it.

For the love of god, just take your lickings like a man. You are not the first person to be rejected. You won't be the last. Chin up and get on with it without losing any more dignity.

Tokyo

You're not being a creepy co-worker, but you are very much becoming the about-to-get-fired coworker if you continue down the road you're on. Regardless of your colleague's behaviour, you **** on your own doorstep when you propositioned her, and now it's time to keep the head down and hope that it blows over.

Don't have anything to do with her other than professionally, don't have any lets-clear-the-air conversations with her because believe me you'll end up dropping yourself in it, and for the love of God, don't end up in a room alone with her where whatever happens is her word against yours.

I'd mention to my supervisor or HR that you are having issues with a co-worker (don't name names) and that right now you are hoping it'll blow over, but you may have to make a complaint in the future. At least that way it'll be on record. Keep your head down, and hopefully she'll get bored and move onto another target. If she continues to harass you, make notes of the times and the nature of the harassment and then take it further if needs be.

Floppybits

Best thing to do is keep the head down get on with your job, act professionally to everyone in the office and do not treat this person any differently regardless of what she may or may not be saying about you, and as Mike_ie said do not at any stage be around her unless there are othere co-workers present.

The only other option is to leave the job.

Oryx

godzillaz10 wrote: »

Also I think I love her,

Apologies, I have speed read this thread, but this short statement jumped out. Based on the information you've given, saying you love this girl is most definitely creepy. I think you need to look very carefully and critically at how you have been behaving. This talk of love does smack of coming on WAY too strong.

Stay away from this girl in every way you can, interact professionally only. Do not under any circumstances have a one to one, unless you want to make a bad situation worse.

godzillaz10

Oryx wrote: »

Apologies, I have speed read this thread, but this short statement jumped out. Based on the information you've given, saying you love this girl is most definitely creepy. I think you need to look very carefully and critically at how you have been behaving. This talk of love does smack of coming on WAY too strong.

Stay away from this girl in every way you can, interact professionally only. Do not under any circumstances have a one to one, unless you want to make a bad situation worse.

Thanks. I don't know whether it's love or infatuation. Also I think if I keep the sexual attraction apart, had she been a guy, I'd still have liked him. And yes, I get attracted to weird girls.

godzillaz10

Thanks everyone. I will heed your advice.

ivytwine

godzillaz10 wrote: »

Thanks. I don't know whether it's love or infatuation. Also I think if I keep the sexual attraction apart, had she been a guy, I'd still have liked him. And yes, I get attracted to weird girls.

It's natural to be attracted to people of course. But you need to be able to control it somewhat.

I don't believe in the 'one', I don't believe in love at first sight. There are loads of people out there to be compatible with. You need to examine your own behaviour here. When someone is a colleague, they're pretty much out of bounds. So how can you prevent yourself getting attached so dramatically to them? By taking a step back and being the mature party.

If someone doesn't like you back, they're out of bounds.

If someone is an immature headwreck, they're out of bounds.

If someone is a colleague, they're out of bounds.

I know it sounds really harsh and emotionally distant, but once you realise there are three billion women to choose from, you will move on. Even allowing for age, being taken, location, sexuality, there's still plenty of other women!

godzillaz10

Did as was told, tried to stay away from her, stopped talking, concentrated on my work.
Result? I was soon left alone by everybody. Since she is popular, staying away from her means also staying away from her colleagues, which means kept away from the group, which according to my supervisor's opinion means I am not a team player, which translates to me getting thrown out from the team or fired from office.

Since she has good relations with everybody in the office, I guess I am done for.

superman28

Sounds like a bit Narcissistic,, she is just looking for attention.. I would act as if nothing has happened.. don't blank,, just be totally indifferent to what has happened before,, easier said than done I know.. but be the bigger person.. what she wants is drama,, so don't give it to her.. also,, if she is being dishonest about what happened to others,, stand up for yourself and call her out on it.. but at the end of the day, she is with someone else,, so stand aside and be greatful you dodged this bullet..

thegreatgonzo

godzillaz10 wrote: »

Did as was told, tried to stay away from her, stopped talking, concentrated on my work.
Result? I was soon left alone by everybody. Since she is popular, staying away from her means also staying away from her colleagues, which means kept away from the group, which according to my supervisor's opinion means I am not a team player, which translates to me getting thrown out from the team or fired from office.

Since she has good relations with everybody in the office, I guess I am done for.

It's hard for us to know exactly what is going on just from your posts. My own advice to you was not to be ALONE with this girl in case anything that passed between you was misconstrued either intentionally or unintentionally by her.
If you have been blanking her in public and then a whole group of people who just happen to be around her, I can see why your supervisor would think you have an attitude problem.
Did your supervisor actually say you were being thrown off the team or fired or are you just jumping to conclusions? Is this the same supervisor that she is dating?

Idle Passerby

This situation seems quite bizarre. On the face of it, you asked out a girl you work with thinking she was interested and it went nowhere. A bit awkward for a week or two but no big deal.

I don't really get from what you've said how this has escalated into you being branded a "non team player" and the whole office ignoring you.

Although reading between the lines of what you've said, i.e. that you both "love" and "hate" this girl, that you think it would be acceptable to seek "revenge" for her rejecting you. And that she told people that you proposed to her. Did you actually propose to her? If so that is very weird and its no wonder the office has branded you a weirdo over it.

In future, try to take such a minor rejection on the chin. It seems to have blown out of all proportion. Is it possible you are imagining that your co workers are even interested? I cant really see why they would be remotely concerned about this. The sooner you drop it, the sooner it will go away.

Zed Bank

Sounds like a nutjob I'd run a mile.

Rubylolz

For some reason this is a story that I would like to hear the two sides of... Sometimes OP its easier to blame others rather than looking closer to home at your own behaviour.
The fact that all your co-workers have 'sided' effectively with her makes me think your behaviour must not be as innocent as you are protraying. Ye are all adults at the end of the day an assume capable of looking at a situation objectively without just siding with a 'popular' person.

ivytwine

godzillaz10 wrote: »

Did as was told, tried to stay away from her, stopped talking, concentrated on my work.
Result? I was soon left alone by everybody. Since she is popular, staying away from her means also staying away from her colleagues, which means kept away from the group, which according to my supervisor's opinion means I am not a team player, which translates to me getting thrown out from the team or fired from office.

Since she has good relations with everybody in the office, I guess I am done for.

Have you actually received a warning officially or was this informal? Because you are majorly catastrophising here. As another poster said, this should just have been awkward for a week or two then have moved on.

Do you mean you are blanking your colleagues when she is with them? Or not informing them of decision taken and matters needing to be addressed because you are so desperate to avoid this girl? Because yes, this would translate as you not doing your job properly. Like I said originally, you're in this place to work and do your job and this is obviously affecting your ability to do so.

I detest bullying but I feel there is another aspect to this? If you're not great at picking up social cues then you can inadvertently offend people and even freak them out. How were your relations in the office before this happened?

I was a member of a voluntary organisation and there was a guy there who acted really inappropriately with all the women there, hitting on a young widow, stalking a married woman and leaving venomous comments on the internet about her when she rejected him, asking all the young girls for numbers and adding them on Facebook and constantly messaging them (including myself) etc. Didn't care what kind of work he was doing I was going avoiding him as much as possible because I found him actually quite frightening. The guy probably meant no harm but he was very much clueless socially. Now that's an extreme example and I'm not saying you're like that but if you look back on your own behaviour is there any way it could have been misconstrued?

Reading the original post again she seems like a flirty and flighty person, and probably most men in your office was on the receiving end of her flirtation. Sorry if that's harsh, but I think it's true. So why did none of them fall in love with her and you did?

godzillaz10

Thanks for your responses. Sorry I won't be able to reply to everyone's queries, so this is my reply in short.
I believe my situation sounds bizarre because there are a lot of things, situations involved apart from the ones I mentioned because it’s not possible to mention everything here.
To begin with, I have grown up among women more than men. In my last four jobs, I used to be with women most of the time and I have good friendly relations with them even now. At my present workplace, I used to get along fine with the people.
As far as social cues goes, I think I might be at fault here because unless someone is being direct, I don’t exactly understand their intentions. For example, sometimes it happens that someone wants to indicate something to me through eye or hand movement and I fail to get that. But I think this is not the case here. (For example, I have asked her and her colleagues if they had any problems with my behaviour, to which they replied that they didn’t. Instead she informed me that I might have problems in communicating my thoughts properly to her , referring to the day I asked her whether she was interested in me. Now, since my colleague later on informed me that she definitely heard my question that day, I fail to understand what kind of social cue she was sending?)
Also no. She didn’t flirt with anybody else apart from me. And I accept responsibility for this. I should have just ignored her.
I have had a few unsuccessful relationships in my life. My previous gf broke up with me and used to call me emotionally distant. The number of girls I have rejected might be more than the ones who rejected me. Some I rejected were much prettier than this present one.
I have been a victim of bullying through most of my school life and work life. My previous male boss at my earlier workplace used to bully me a lot. I like to win over bullies by being friends with them. Many of my present friends are those who used to bully me as a child. With a woman I guess these feelings could transfer into love?
I think this girl is a bully. She is a bully to obtain social approval and gain over her inferiority complex. Putting men down gives a boost to her ego I suppose? She also makes fun of her present bf behind his back. (Also one day I heard her advising her female colleagues on how to use men. I thought she was kidding. But now I think not)
My close friends often describe me as a good human being, but also chide me for being a weakling and letting others bully me.
I would really like to know her point of view. I wonder what’s on her mind? Maybe her ex dumped her or misbehaved with her and so she started hating men? Or she was a victim of bullying and this is her way of getting even?
There is a lot of things that still remain to be shared here. I believe she has her side of the story too. I would like to hear her say. I wonder whether I should show this thread to her?

dellas1979

godzillaz10 wrote: »

I wonder whether I should show this thread to her?

Oh. sweet. jesus.

No.

You 1million % need to figure out why you are obsessed OBSESSED with people who, for what ever their reasons, dont seem to like you.

If someone is mean to you, you what? Make friends with them? Why? To make who feel better? You? To make them what? See your way?

From doing all this, over and over and over, you dont seem to have a clue who you are, what you are about, and what you stand for.

I suggest you start there, work on yourself, stop with the drama, and leave your colleagues (be they right or wrong) alone.

Stavro Mueller

Have you ever thought about seeking professional help? Something like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? Because the way you're behaving and the way you're interpreting things isn't the way other people do it. Some of the things you've written about in this thread are "off". Like how you behaved initially with this girl, the way you seem to have interpreted the advice to stay away from her, your way of dealing with bullies... It's one thing to be friends with kids who bullied you as kids - quite another to delude yourself into thinking you can kill adult bullies with kindness. Worse still you seem to think you can turn this girl (who sounds like a nasty two-faced piece of work) into one who will fall for you.

You've obviously got some sort of problem here. You've got a track record of being bullied which makes me think that bullies sense something in you that gives them the green light. Is it naivety? Do you come across as being a bit harmless or soft? I don't know but it's something you need to look at.

Oryx

You need to learn when to quit. Honestly. This girl is a headwreck, and you need to stop wanting to have some kind of involvement with her. Show her the thread? A woman that you already say belittles people behind their back? And you want to give her this as even more ammunition against you?

As dellas1979 said. No. NO. NO. And I repeat: NO! Do not show her this thread. Do not try to understand her. Do not attempt to hear her say. Just work with all your colleagues professionally, including this woman. By your continued need to be niggle at this whole situation, you are creating problems for yourself. Just do your work, let her do hers, don't keep inviting drama into your life.

ivytwine

dellas1979 wrote: »

Oh. sweet. jesus.

No.

That was EXACTLY my reaction when I read your post, godzilla.

Agree with Dellas, Cymbaline and Oryx. You need to put yourself first and get some help. You might even be able to get counselling or CBT covered as part of your health insurance in work, I'm very lucky that my company is very progressive and has done a deal with Aviva to provide free counselling, so check it out, you never know.

Why are you willing to jump so high for people who disrespect you? In this life you are not going to get along with everybody so why would you try to?

You need to get some help in dealing with this or else this cycle will keep happening. And for the love of sanity, don't show this girl anything. She will just use it against you- because you can't win her over. I don't know if it's because a man hurt her or whatever but who quite frankly cares?

I have a relation like you in that she will analyse people who she's fallen out with like that. I always say so bloody what? So what if her ex dumped her and her dog ran away and she's traumatised? We all have baggage to carry and pain to bear. But we don't all treat people badly so stop pathologising her and stop worrying about her.

You need to stop letting others rule your life and to stop making excuses for their bad behaviour.

Another thing to remember is that many people are essentially selfish and put themselves first. A great many of the wrongs done in life are through sheer thoughtlessness, not malice. So this is yet another reason- if any more were needed- to never show this woman your thread. Not only would she use it against you- she might even make a formal complaint about it- she would be amazed that you have put so much thought in her, because, chalk it down, she has not done the same to you.

Sorry Godzilla, just forget about this person. Do your job. And get some help, because your life will be harder than it needs to be if you stay on this path.

Semele

I know we can't post anything verging on medical advice, and I am certainly not saying that this is the case, but OP- if I was a friend of yours I'd be suggesting that you speak to someone (even your GP) about some of these issues to do with social understanding. You don't seem like a bad person at all and as your thread has gone on it seems more and more obvious that there are issues at play here beyond just being a bit socially awkward. If it were the case that you had some autistic spectrum traits then you could access support in managing these.

Edit: other posters have suggested counselling etc. Not bad ideas at all, but I'd be starting with my GP to rule out a diagnosis of ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) or similar first. Counsellling requires a certain level of ability to reflect on behaviour, as well as to be able to put yourselves in others shoes and observe how your behaviour might be perceived by others. This thread would indicate that this is a difficulty for you anyway, and counselling alone is likely to just go round in circles, much like the thread. There are interventions specifically tailored to help people with ASD understand social interaction that are targeted towards the unique way they interpret the world and this may be more what you need.

godzillaz10

Semele wrote: »

I know we can't post anything verging on medical advice, and I am certainly not saying that this is the case, but OP- if I was a friend of yours I'd be suggesting that you speak to someone (even your GP) about some of these issues to do with social understanding. You don't seem like a bad person at all and as your thread has gone on it seems more and more obvious that there are issues at play here beyond just being a bit socially awkward. If it were the case that you had some autistic spectrum traits then you could access support in managing these.

Edit: other posters have suggested counselling etc. Not bad ideas at all, but I'd be starting with my GP to rule out a diagnosis of ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) or similar first. Counsellling requires a certain level of ability to reflect on behaviour, as well as to be able to put yourselves in others shoes and observe how your behaviour might be perceived by others. This thread would indicate that this is a difficulty for you anyway, and counselling alone is likely to just go round in circles, much like the thread. There are interventions specifically tailored to help people with ASD understand social interaction that are targeted towards the unique way they interpret the world and this may be more what you need.

I know why and exactly how you are deducing this, but Hell no! I am not autistic. I lead a pretty good social life outside the office.Few among my friends are those who used to bully me in school, but years later when they themselves approached me and told me they repented their past mistakes, I thought it best to forgive them rather than hold a grudge.

Also I have noted, while women at my office (outside my team) used to feel a bit tentative with me inside office, outside office , they would freely approach chat me and up without even the slightest bit of hesitation.

Also, its a recent development, but I have noticed that she and her bf are getting a lot of negative attention(read warnings) at the office.

I finally discussed the issue with my supervisor again and this time he listened. He had also noted her behaviour previously and has advised me to keep away from her, but I have to interact with rest of the team.

Finally, although I am discussing about her here so much, but trust me on this, since the past 2 weeks I have almost forgotten about her. Apart from discussing about her here, I don't have any interest/feelings for her.

I think its safe to say, I have moved on