Standing up or sitting down?

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo · 27-10-2013 2:40pm #1

When you finish your 'business' in the toilet how do you 'clean' yourself?

wazky · 27-10-2013 2:41pm

Whilst doing a handstand over the sink using my foot to hold the toilet roll.

gifted · 27-10-2013 2:42pm

seriously..what's with the username?

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo · 27-10-2013 2:42pm

gifted wrote: »

seriously..what's with the username?

STAY ON TOPIC!!!

gifted · 27-10-2013 2:44pm

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

YOU'RE OFF TOPIC!!!

mrsoundie · 27-10-2013 2:44pm

What exactly are we cleaning?

BNMC · 27-10-2013 2:44pm

gifted wrote: »

seriously..what's with the username?

You have to have one to post on Boards.

funt cucker · 27-10-2013 2:46pm

I usually massage the cigar clipper with toilet roll, sitting down.

Yellow121 · 27-10-2013 2:48pm

Are you meant to clean yourself afterwards? Is that why no one comes near me?

biko · 27-10-2013 2:50pm

Why do you want to know OP?
Didn't your parent tell you how to clean yourself when you were a kid?

Mr.Crinklewood · 27-10-2013 2:50pm

Where is the cat option?

Sir Osis of Liver. · 27-10-2013 2:50pm

Around the general bum area.

Frosty McSnowballs · 27-10-2013 2:55pm

Is this really happening?

Obviously you scrape it off with a biscuit

Mint Aero · 27-10-2013 2:58pm

Bidet is a must otherwise you're just smearing it around your bottom with paper

sidneykidney · 27-10-2013 3:02pm

I love toilet roll, wrap it round your finger and stick it up your hole.
This thread made me think of that childhood rhyme.

Funkfield · 27-10-2013 3:04pm

After "my business" I've wiped my tail with a hen, with a cock, with a pullet, with a calf's skin, with a hare, with a pigeon, with a cormorant, with an attorney's bag, with a montero, with a coif, with a falconer's lure. But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains. And think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their asphodel, ambrosia, or nectar, as our old women here used to say; but in this, according to my judgment, that they wipe their tails with the neck of a goose, holding her head betwixt their legs, and such is the opinion of Master John of Scotland, alias Scotus.

And to answer the question, sitting down.