Friday Funnies

MonkieSocks

The wife said to me last night “If you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the arse.”

Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first….

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The wife came out of the bathroom and said

“I have just shaved my pussy and you know what that means don't you?”

I said “Yeah, the bloody plug hole is blocked again.”

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Nearly shagged a Lady boy last night.

Picked him up in a night club.

He looked like a woman.

Smelled like a woman.

Danced like a woman.

Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement…!

That's when I thought “Fooking wait a minute…”

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10 Catholic Priests were killed in a road accident.

At the Pearly Gates St Peter says

“If any of you are Paedophiles you can fook off down to Hell.”

Nine of them start to walk away when St Peter calls out

“And take this deaf bastard with you.”

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Bloke at a horse race whispers to me.

"Do you want the winner of the next race?”

I replied "No thanks, I've only got a small garden."

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Now on sale at IKEA – Lesbian beds - no nuts or screwing involved, it's all
tongue and groove...

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A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol;

Police say it's definitely race related.

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I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest.

But explaining they were not a dating agency.

coldfire1x

Brilliant!!!!