Clever\Smart Quotes\Actions on your Cycle

DaithiMC

I was going to post these in response to other comments in threads and also searched for a Smart Comments thread but could not find one so here goes.

I would like to see a collection of smart ar5e quotes or actions (non-violent, perhaps rude but never crude) cyclists have either made or seen during their inter-traffic encounters. Not limited to bike-car\truck\bus interactions but perhaps also cyclist\cyclist and cyclist\pedestrian.

A couple to start

On being cut-off about 200 metres from a traffic light: Cyclist pulls up alongside motorist and asks "So did you break your PB up to that traffic light?"

On waiting to turn right with an impatient taxi man behind him, taxi man toots the horn, cyclist, as smooth as you like looks back, smiles, waves as in recognition, big smile on his face and makes the hand gesture to the taxi man to "call me". Taxi man looses it, revs the engine but can't get past.

Impatient cyclist in full cycling regalia this time, stuck behind a taxi in traffic tries several times to overtake the car in front of him but the car lurches forward and the cyclist has to de-clip and put a foot down (the shame of it!), calling "For f~*k's sake!" - as he passes the car, driver says "Alright Lance, take it easy, take some more of those drugs to calm yourself down!"

Give us some more ammunition to make these interactions entertaining, I swear I will use them........!

Mechanic365

Just tell them "id say your a very nice person...in your sleep" and cycle off.
No point fighting just train...

trad

Cyclist caught in the path of another cyclist dispelling mucus membrane "put a bit of salt on that"

Johnny Jukebox

Group of ragged urchins at a bus stop. Urchin #1 points at me and says "Only gays ride bikes".

I point back at said urchin and say "I ride your Ma too".

Trent Houseboat

I've had people roar "Fa**ot" at me from the window of fast moving cars a couple of times.

Does that count?

daragh_

Bunch of kids crossing at lights while I waited for green.

"Hey mistah, yer chain's fla' "

I looked. :rolleyes:

Kav0777

"Youse look gay!"

"You're the one that's looking at us"

Edit to say: Said by a clubmate on a group spin to a group of "ragged urchins" ( thanks johnny jukebox )

Mugser

Had a female motorist in a Toyota Aygo shout out her window as she passed me in traffic: "Ye cyclists think ye own the road, there you are taking over the whole road"... to which I replied (when she stopped at the lights about 10m further on) : "Au contraire mademoiselle, I insist in only trying to take over this particular side of the road, about as much room as your car takes up"

Kav0777

"you don't do irony, do you?"

After I was berated by a pedestrian for cyclists breaking red lights, while I was stopped at a red light.

NamelessPhil

"You may be old but you're not immortal!", said to elderly jay-walking pedestrian.

calistro

Overheard in a sign-on queue for a Wicklow mountains sportive when a cyclist walks by with a huge orange rucksack on him......"Jaysus, how high are we going, yer man's brought a parachute". All within earshot of said cyclist!!!:P

Rua_ri

Cycling up Capel street towards the quays on a Dublin bike in the first week that the scheme was launched.

Inner city toerag out of the back seat window of a Fiat punto :
" look at yer man on the corpo bike ! HEY MISTER , would you not be better off stealing a bike"

20 seconds later we are all stuck in traffic, i turned to him and said "Do you like this bike, would ya steal it ? "
His reply was "Wouldn't be seen dead on a corpo bike, piece of SH$T "

It was then i thought, this scheme might actually work !

sconhome

Usually heard addressed to non indicating cyclists :

'Are your arms painted on ?'

07Lapierre

After passing a bus, the driver shouted at me:

"Who do you think you are.. Sean Roche?"

Haldir

Speaking of "Sean Roche"... next time you are being half wheeled by a fellow cyclist say "that's a fierce long bike you have there"!

doozerie

"Ha, a taxi driver resorting to stereotypes" in response to a taxi driver telling me that "you cyclists, yer all the same, blah blah" (which itself was supposed justification for driving like an arse). He struggled to think of a response for a moment, a taxi driver lost for words made the world a slightly better place for a moment.

lizzylad84

"real men ride women".....ah the humour of teenagers these days.

Puggy

Trent Houseboat wrote: »

I've had people roar "Fa**ot" at me from the window of fast moving cars a couple of times.

Does that count?

Don't be overtaking fast moving cars you fa@@ot.

Hmmzis

"Jeez, I thought I was being chased by a bear!"

A phrase from an MTBer on the Ticknock climb after I overtook him.

Yes, I was trying and might have sounded a bit out of breath .

rollingscone

Was leap frogging traffic on Camden/Wexford/Aungier/George's st on my singlespeed beater.

Bunch of yahoos up from Tipp for a match in a taxi getting all excited and proud of themselves shout as their taxi drives alongside "It helps if you change the gears!"* and speeds off to the next lights.

When the light goes green I catch up to their queue of traffic and pass the taxi again shouting "Helps with what?".

I was rather dissapointed when they all shouted 'Waaaheey" instead of silently contemplating the error of their ways.

*I seriously contemplated explaining to them that my bike only had one gear but it definitely would not have qualified as a zinger.

Lusk_Doyle

lizzylad84 wrote: »

"real men ride women".....ah the humour of teenagers these days.

Some young lad said that to me in Stamullen earlier this year. I told him I'd just finished riding his ma and that his dinner got burnt so he should run home and ask her what she thought about that statement!

diomed

In 2005 in Shankill doing about 7 kmh coming back from my first spin in 38 years (age 55), Stillorgan-Sugarloaf-Stillorgan, a young lad shouts "C'mon Boardman". :mad:

Vélo

I wish I had read this thread earlier. I was on my way home this evening just coming up to my estate when 3 or 4 lads went by in a car with one of the passengers hanging out the window saying something I couldn't make out. I know it was something smart as I could see him laughing in the car as he went down the road. Then the indicator went on and they turned into my estate. My estate only has 20 houses in it and everyone knows each other, so I'd say they were fairly sheepish when I followed them into the estate. When they got to the house no one got out of the car they just beeped for someone to come out. I know I should have said something but I just cycled by slowly having a good old stare at them. Any advice would be appreciated in case this ever happens again!

Grassey

Roll up nice and slow behind them and start flashing your front light at them saying beep beep until they move on!

Vélo wrote: »

Any advice would be appreciated in case this ever happens again!

Seweryn

calistro wrote: »

Overheard in a sign-on queue for a Wicklow mountains sportive when a cyclist walks by with a huge orange rucksack on him......"Jaysus, how high are we going, yer man's brought a parachute". All within earshot of said cyclist!!!:P

He is

one

tough

cookie

Lusk_Doyle

I'm fairly certain that this is ficton but it's funny as hell.

My bro told me once about cycling up to a car stopped in traffic and shouting in the window "Where the hell are my domestiques?" and slamming the water bottle onto the ground before storming off on the bike Tommy Voeckler style!

nerraw1111

"Are you a Luas?"

"What?"

"Are you a fuxking Luas?"

"No"

"Well get off the fuxking Luas track!"

A Garda motorbike rider to me. I was tempted to say "I can see why you're not a detective" when he asked me the second time. He then disappears off into
the distance on the track himself.

paudie2005

I was just set off on a spin two weeks ago and a drunk fella walking up the street takes off his shoe and threatens to throw it at me - didn't really have much if a retort to that!

Darkglasses

nerraw1111 wrote: »

"Are you a Luas?"

No, but I do know a Louis if that counts :pac:

Al Wright

During the Burren Tour (2011, the wet day) at Doolin foodstop, elderly participant with sandwiches in one hand and tea in the other is offered a chair by a younger cyclist. " Aw thanks lad but shure I've been sitting down all morning"

RobertFoster

I thought a fella was being smart when he drove up beside me and said,

"Where'd you get your legs?"
"I grew them myself!", I replied jovially, being equally as smart.
"No, I mean what you're wearing..."
"Oh, Wiggle.co.uk, or ChainReactionCycles.com, I don't remember exactly." (turns out it was Aldi )
"OK, thanks!"


Another time, a girl on a scooter asked me if I was a mod because I was wearing my boards jersey

connie_c

My dad on seeing me in Lycra for the first time. I had just walked into his kitchen. "Oh look, it's the only gay in the village"

No Pants

Was taking the bike down to the LBS a few weeks ago, so I wasn't in the gear. While passing a pedestrian on the Brackenstown road who was looking to cross, she startled me by barking loudly and repeatedly. Yes, like a dog.

Was travelling at speed, so I was well past by the time I could think of anything witty to say. Was just shocked by a grown woman making animal noises in public.

monkeyslayer

Cycling through firhouse with my Colombian cycling jersey on... a car slows alongside me...

Driver: 'Here, let those two girls go free'
Me: That's Peru
Driver: 'You're still a prick'

Lusk_Doyle

monkeyslayer wrote: »

Cycling through firhouse with my Colombian cycling jersey on... a car slows alongside me...

Driver: 'Here, let those two girls go free'
Me: That's Peru
Driver: 'You're still a prick'

You just publicly admitted to wearing a pro team kit. For shame.

Idleater

"ease it up - there's lads off the back" as heard towards the back of the bunch at one of the first races of the season.

killalanerr

A group of Lycra clad cyclist descended on a popular coffee stop,as we entered we were meat by a group of toddlers crawling on the floor,at the sight of this caffeine craving hoard charging towards her brood the mother sprung from her seat to gather them up,
I stopped looked her in the eye a said "Your all right love were not that hungry":D

Type 17

Me, to cyclist who has just stuck their arm out and moved across the bus lane without looking, causing the 46A, which was only 3m behind her, to jam on and beep long and loud: "That's only your arm, it's not a magic wand". She just ignored the bus and me...

on_the_nickel

Posted this in the Ras thread earlier in year. Still laughing at it.

Quote of the year:

“I’m feeling great Brian – bit of bad luck yesterday – a break of 168 riders went away after 4 kilometres and I couldn’t bring them back”

http://www.stickybottle.com/latest-n...-wants-a-pair/

Doc07

Lusk_Doyle wrote: »

You just publicly admitted to wearing a pro team kit. For shame.

I'm guilty of wearing pro team kit. Got it second hand on eBay, can't shell out the dosh for new kit. Have had a few 'go on lance Armstrong' while cycling near Tallaght.
To all the people who passed me in the last few weeks as I struggled up Howth in my vintage Pantani Mercatone UNO or ONCE jerseys, thank you for sparing me any cruel remarks.

doozerie

daragh_ wrote: »

Bunch of kids crossing at lights while I waited for green.

"Hey mistah, yer chain's fla' "

I looked. :rolleyes:

Over a week later and you still haven't filled us in. The suspense is killing me, was it flat or not?...

Idleater

Friday resurrection :

Taxi gestures to me this morning that I should be cycling on the footpad, despite the bus/bicycle sign. Naturally I gesture to him to have a civilised debate on the matter...
:
:
20 minutes later, I find him parked in the "rank" or rather the queue for the rank at heuston station.
I pulled up beside him, and as he wound down the window I said "parked on double yellows I see" and cycled off ignoring his request for civilised debate.

marvin80

A mate cycling to college one day was being overtaken by a car full of students and the lad in the passenger seat rolled down the window and said 'you look some state on that bike'.
The mate replied 'I didn't look some state on your ma last night'