Social welfare left me with nothing

Trina86

Posting for a friend.
She has 2 babies under one and moved to a different part if the county as houses are cheaper to rent. She was receiving one parent family and rent allowance up until yesterday and has been cut off completly.
A social welfare inspector called to her home to review her case and there was a car in the garden that belonged to her boyfriend who leaves it for her if she needs it as family and friends live 30 mins away.
Anyway they have now said that because she has use if car that that person must be living with her and supporting her and her kids(not his kids) even though he lives with his parents.
She went to welfare officer who was very rude and basically told her to find their father and get him too help.
She has to move back with parents who are both ill and has no money at all to support her kids.
What can she do

ABajaninCork

Appeal.

She needs to get this in motion ASAP. I'd tell her to speak to the CWO again and stress she has no money. I'd be telling the CWO I'm not moving until I get some money to at least heat the house and feed the children.

ShaShaBear

You do have to understand that a car in the driveway more than 4 days per week registered to a man known to be your friend's boyfriend is enough cause for suspicion in a social welfare fraud case.
It is understandably going to be difficult to prove that he just leaves his car with her rather than them assuming he just lives there.

She is going to have to gather evidence to prove that she receives no support from her partner and try to appeal the case.

Santa Cruz

Any chance she would get the father of the kids to support her and not live off the taxpayer.

ted1

She should appeal and also at the same time the kids father to court to look for maintenance.

With 2 kids under 1 he can't have gone to far

Welfare is getting cut and will probably continue to be cut. So the sooner she gets maintenance the better position she will be in

Trina86

Trina86 wrote: »

Posting for a friend.
She has 2 babies under one and moved to a different part if the county as houses are cheaper to rent. She was receiving one parent family and rent allowance up until yesterday and has been cut off completly.
A social welfare inspector called to her home to review her case and there was a car in the garden that belonged to her boyfriend who leaves it for her if she needs it as family and friends live 30 mins away.
Anyway they have now said that because she has use if car that that person must be living with her and supporting her and her kids(not his kids) even though he lives with his parents.
She went to welfare officer who was very rude and basically told her to find their father and get him too help.
She has to move back with parents who are both ill and has no money at all to support her kids.
What can she do

She doesn't know the father was a one night stand which resulted in twins so has no way of getting maintaince off him and as far as living off the tax payer she has no family around her to help mind her children so can't really go out to work with no child care available and has been left with absolutely nothing to support her children

maria34

She can appeal thats her legal right.

On the same time she should trace the father of her babies and ask for money. Also her bf sounds like a nice chap maybe he can help too :-)

Trina86

She is going to appeal but they told her it could take months all that for a car being parked in her driveway.its just terrible that they have left the kids with nothing to live on

ABajaninCork

Like I said. She should spend the weekend gathering proof she is a single parent. She should then go to the CWO early Tuesday morning. Bring the kids, change of clothes/nappies/bottles. A good book for herself. And be prepared for a long wait. Tell the CWO she has NO means of support and no money for the children. And she won't be moving until she gets something.

Meanwhile - are the SVP able to help??

Trina86

Welfare officer already told her on Thursday she won't help her and to find the father which she doesn't know how that is

ABajaninCork

Did she tell the CWO she doesn't know who/where the father is? I'd still go back there on Tuesday with the proof as I said. A copy of the children's birth certs would be a good starting point as I presume the father isn't named.

If the CWO refuses to deal, then ask for the name of their supervisor, and THEIR supervisor. Get hold of the TD. Get help from the SVP. Your friend has to show some backbone now and start FIGHTING!!

maria34

He does know who the father is does she? He must be on birth cert otherways they wont ask to find him!

Trina86

Her welfare officer only sits on a Thursday and she brought in birth Certs but was told to find the father and get him to support them.she was not helpful at all and told her that she wasn't happy she was making work for her as she now had to go view her file as she didn't have enough to do. She has booked a meeting with local td for sometime next week

spank_inferno

Why are birth certs allowed to be issued without the "father" field filled in.

Anyway... If the DSP beurocracy wont assist your friend will have to use clientalism.

Advise them to seek assiatance from the local TD / councillor

ted1

She really needs to trace Down the father.

Where did she meet him?

Trina86

She met him in a night club had a one night stand and had twins has no name or details as she told welfare officer she has no way of tracking him down

myshirt

If she is in a relationship, then yes, that chap needs to support her.

They are not my kids, and sher don't I support her.

In any event, to proceed, she does certainly need a strong voice on her side. Difficult situation, it is not nice at all. It is quite degrading the way you can be treated in this process.


Strong voice, and support her.

Thereafter, with a longer term view she needs to take ownership for her own affairs.

And in a meaningful way. No ****ty excuses. Necessity breeds creation. If it doesn't work, you f#cking make it work. We all have a cross to bear in life.

maria34

So they might think that new bf is the guy and he is not named on birth cert?

Not that it helps. Poor babies suffering. Maybe her ill parents can help her out? Its only temporary till she has appeal gone through.

Oo ya and she should be careful with going out with the boyfriend. I assume they went out as family all the time as she has no family around. Its kinda cohabiting aswell, not sure really. No wonder social welfare is suspicios.

Trina86

She doesn't even know i posted this I'm just trying to find out any info I can to help her as the kids are the most important in this and she can't even think straight so trying to be a friend and help in anyway I can as I can't help financially want her to have all her options covered

username123

The father has a financial responsibility to support his children. She needs to track him down.

I find it difficult to believe that in this day and age of smart phones and social media that someone finds themselves pregnant with twins after a one night stand and cannot find the father. Why would any girl go through with the pregnancy in that situation? If true, then presumably it was a hugely traumatic experience, one that I'd imagine would leave a girl emotionally scarred and probably mistrustful of men for a bit, not to mention the strain of being a single mother with no independent financial means trying to raise twins. Yet, with the babies still under a year old there is a boyfriend around who leaves a car for her exclusive use. Handy that.

I'm sure social welfare are seeing the story as I have relayed above. It's unfortunate but the country is broke and they are clamping down hard to get people to meet their own financial responsibilities. It's really very irresponsible to choose to bring children into the world that you have no way of supporting yourself and no father on the scene and social welfare are aware that huge numbers of women say father unknown so that they can claim off the system and get cash from the father. I'm not saying this is true in your friends case, but it's understandable that that's what social welfare think is going on.

The best thing your friend could do, for her kids and herself, is find the father. If that truly is impossible then she needs to do as suggested above about meeting with a td.

myshirt

In fairness also, these hard times have led to an increase in 'hit and runs'.

False name as a form of contraception etc

ted1

Trina86 wrote: »

She met him in a night club had a one night stand and had twins has no name or details as she told welfare officer she has no way of tracking him down

I'm not trying to be funny or smart but it's not to hard to track people down in Ireland.
I've friends paying 900 a month on maintenance, they also take the child every second weekend so the mother gets her own time and the child grows up known both parents

Did they do the deed on her place/ his place/ hotel/ friends house etc

Trina86

If she didn't get his name how the hell can she find him let alone get money off him and I think it was an amazing thing bringing 2 children into this world how can you condone someone's actions if choosing to have children when there are so many people out there that cannot have them.The facet that a car was left in drive way is neither here nor there if the person isn't supporting her financially as age paid for petrol and insurance for herself.
I find it hard to understand how people can criticise a person for trying to bring up her children.
Yes she was relying on the social welfare but as she had to live away from home due to family problems how was she expected to cope otherwise as has no family around to help her.

username123

Trina86 wrote: »

If she didn't get his name how the hell can she find him let alone get money off him and I think it was an amazing thing bringing 2 children into this world how can you condone someone's actions if choosing to have children when there are so many people out there that cannot have them.The facet that a car was left in drive way is neither here nor there if the person isn't supporting her financially as age paid for petrol and insurance for herself.
I find it hard to understand how people can criticise a person for trying to bring up her children.
Yes she was relying on the social welfare but as she had to live away from home due to family problems how was she expected to cope otherwise as has no family around to help her.

Choosing to have children is fine if you can financially support them. Otherwise you and the children are just a drain on state resources and taxpayers. It's irresponsible to choose to have children if you can't afford to.

ted1

Trina86 wrote: »

If she didn't get his name how the hell can she find him let alone get money off him and I think it was an amazing thing bringing 2 children into this world how can you condone someone's actions if choosing to have children when there are so many people out there that cannot have them.The facet that a car was left in drive way is neither here nor there if the person isn't supporting her financially as age paid for petrol and insurance for herself.
I find it hard to understand how people can criticise a person for trying to bring up her children.
Yes she was relying on the social welfare but as she had to live away from home due to family problems how was she expected to cope otherwise as has no family around to help her.

I'm not critizing I'm offering advice. Its tough to live on welfare.

If they did the deed in a hotel or house them that's not to hard.

If it was somewhere else a lane, Burger King toilet then ring up a radio station saying your looking for someone who was in x nightclub and got lucky in May 2009 or whenever. It might be embarrassing but unless they phone no one will know her name

username123

ted1 wrote: »

I'm not critizing I'm offering advice. Its tough to live on welfare.

If they did the deed in a hotel or house them that's not to hard.

If it was somewhere else a lane, Burger King toilet then ring up a radio station saying your looking for someone who was in x nightclub and got lucky in May 2009 or whenever. It might be embarrassing but unless they phone no one will know her name

Yeah, people have successfully found their one night stands doing this. It would be the right thing to do for the kids and their father, not just financially but morally. Surely the guy deserves to know and have a chance to have a relationship with his children?

ABajaninCork

username123 wrote: »

Yeah, people have successfully found their one night stands doing this. It would be the right thing to do for the kids and their father, not just financially but morally. Surely the guy deserves to know and have a chance to have a relationship with his children?

I'm not the moral police, and how the children were conceived is neither here nor there. But for the children's sake I would try to track the father down too. The maintenance (or lack of) would be the least of my worries, but what to tell the children when they're old enough to ask who and where is my Daddy. There's also the question of medical history to add to that as well.

maria34

I just wanted to say the same - she should do it for kids sake. Where did they meet, go to the pub and ask around. Who were his friends etc. its embarrasing i know but it wasnt that embarrasing back so why now.

Im sure she knows how he looked like

Trina86

I think the post is getting off the point.its advice in what she can do as she is left penniless and homeless with 2 kids.its not about knowing the father as she doesn't have details of him it's about how she can bring up her 2 kids as she can't even afford nappies for them.
I feel saying it is irresponsible for her to bring kids into this world is just wrong she done the right thing by having the kids. She wasn't planning on being on social welfare but bringing il 2 kids with no father or family she was left with little choices

ted1

Trina86 wrote: »

I think the post is getting off the point.its advice in what she can do as she is left penniless and homeless with 2 kids.its not about knowing the father as she doesn't have details of him it's about how she can bring up her 2 kids as she can't even afford nappies for them.
I feel saying it is irresponsible for her to bring kids into this world is just wrong she done the right thing by having the kids. She wasn't planning on being on social welfare but bringing il 2 kids with no father or family she was left with little choices

We're offering help and advice. The father is 50% financially responsible, but your making out as if she is too lazy to find him and wants to live off welfare.

Trina86

She cannot find someone without a name.im sure you were young and had done wild nights and when drink is put in the equation sometimes your memory fails.im not condoning her relying on social welfare but it's hard to find a person without any information in them.so laziness doesn't come into it and yes every chikd should know their father and vice verse but she doesn't even know if he is in the country she didn't meet him locally so has no way if finding him without DNA testing

username123

Trina86 wrote: »

I think the post is getting off the point.its advice in what she can do as she is left penniless and homeless with 2 kids.its not about knowing the father as she doesn't have details of him it's about how she can bring up her 2 kids as she can't even afford nappies for them.
I feel saying it is irresponsible for her to bring kids into this world is just wrong she done the right thing by having the kids. She wasn't planning on being on social welfare but bringing il 2 kids with no father or family she was left with little choices

The best advice here is to find the father.

There is nothing right about having children you cannot afford to feed. It's an appallingly bad decision. As is evidenced by the situation she now finds herself in.

As an immediate solution to homelessness and pennilessness she could go to a woman's shelter and appeal to them for support. They will advise her to find the father too. And to try to achieve financial independence, ie, get a job.

Cuddlesworth

Trina86 wrote: »

She cannot find someone without a name.im sure you were young and had done wild nights and when drink is put in the equation sometimes your memory fails.im not condoning her relying on social welfare but it's hard to find a person without any information in them.so laziness doesn't come into it and yes every chikd should know their father and vice verse but she doesn't even know if he is in the country she didn't meet him locally so has no way if finding him without DNA testing

Its pretty difficult to dissapear now days. Even going back to the pub/club every weekend for a month or two to describe and ask did anybody recognise him to the whole place. Bouncers, bar staff etc.

Just curious, if he left a insured and taxed car at the house while not living there(which I don't believe), then he was providing undeclared financial support. So he viewed her and the children as dependants. Good luck arguing against that.

Trina86

Before she had the babies she was working but after maternity leave she had no one available to mind the children.so by saying its irresponsible to bring children into this world is low.I posted this for help for her but people seem to be more focused on her not knowing the father or having a job.
If she knew the father and was recieving money off him she would still have been dependent on the social welfare system.
I know there are hundreds if people out there that have kids and work myself included but everyone's situation is different and you cannot judge a person till you have walked in their shoes.
If people have nothing helpful ie advice and not just get up and get a job or find father then please don't post as it's irritating repeating the same stuff over and over again

Trina86

I'm trying g to find advice for her bit have people look down their noses at her for past decisions she has made.
This poor girl has been left to raise her 2 children AS SHE DOESNT KNOW OR HAVE DETAILS FOR FATHER.
We all make bad choices in life and that's how we learn
But she has lost her home and any income she had to provide for her children(yes state dependant) but everyone wants to do best by their kids and I don't appreciate smart remarks like she shouldn't have had them that's not helping anyone. She chose to bring 2 beautiful kids into this world and the welfare system in the country has now branded her a liar. Know one but herself knows the facts and I'm going on what my friend has stated to me and signed declarations to te social welfare knowing that she cannot lie or face prosecution.

ABajaninCork

Trina86 wrote: »

Before she had the babies she was working but after maternity leave she had no one available to mind the children.so by saying its irresponsible to bring children into this world is low.I posted this for help for her but people seem to be more focused on her not knowing the father or having a job.
If she knew the father and was recieving money off him she would still have been dependent on the social welfare system.
I know there are hundreds if people out there that have kids and work myself included but everyone's situation is different and you cannot judge a person till you have walked in their shoes.
If people have nothing helpful ie advice and not just get up and get a job or find father then please don't post as it's irritating repeating the same stuff over and over again

Look, I'm not being funny, but I as well as others have tried to help you. But all you keep doing is repeating the same mantra...

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Appeal.

She needs to get this in motion ASAP. I'd tell her to speak to the CWO again and stress she has no money. I'd be telling the CWO I'm not moving until I get some money to at least heat the house and feed the children.

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Like I said. She should spend the weekend gathering proof she is a single parent. She should then go to the CWO early Tuesday morning. Bring the kids, change of clothes/nappies/bottles. A good book for herself. And be prepared for a long wait. Tell the CWO she has NO means of support and no money for the children. And she won't be moving until she gets something.

Meanwhile - are the SVP able to help??

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Did she tell the CWO she doesn't know who/where the father is? I'd still go back there on Tuesday with the proof as I said. A copy of the children's birth certs would be a good starting point as I presume the father isn't named.

If the CWO refuses to deal, then ask for the name of their supervisor, and THEIR supervisor. Get hold of the TD. Get help from the SVP. Your friend has to show some backbone now and start FIGHTING!!

ShashaBear also made a salient point. SOMEONE has told the Welfare that her bloke is parking his car at her place. Of course they're going to think she's co-habiting! It's down to her to prove she isn't. She needs to get that proof together and show it to the CWO. If she was claiming before, why have her circumstances changed so drastically as to leave her with no money? Answer: Someone has grassed her up to Welfare!

Believe me. If I were the one sitting at home potless with two kids, do you think I'd meekly accept whatever the CWO was saying if I were telling the truth? Hell NO I wouldn't. I'd come out fighting.

And sorry. I don't agree that the father isn't relevant. He is. The children deserve to know their roots, even if he isn't helping at the moment.

username123

Appeal social welfare, go to CWO, talk to a td, go to a women's shelter, go to Vincent de Paul, go back to family, find the father, get a job......

All of the above has been suggested. There are no other real options. I'm not sure what you are expecting from this? There is no magic answer.

ted1

Trina86 wrote: »

AS SHE DOESNT KNOW OR HAVE DETAILS FOR FATHER.

Does she know where and when she had sex? That's a starting point to finding him. How much effort has she made? Everyone told you to try an appeal, go to a shelter contact SVdeP.
The logical step is to find the father who can provide and will is necessary be forced to provide this will be an extra income and supplement whatever age ends up getting in welfare

Big Bag of Chips

Ok, in order to avoid handing out infractions or bans I'm going to lock this thread.

Trina86, Personal Issues is a Forum for people seeking advice on their own personal issues. As you are not looking for advice for yourself, and you have gotten as much advice from this thread as you are likely to get for your friend, I will now lock it.

We have a State Benefits Forum here, where you may get more help. Maybe PM the Mods there if you are going to post to see if your query is appropriate there.

Best wishes.