Stupid things work makes you do...

MadsL

So my wife (well qualified with a Masters in Finance) is today taking part in her company's "Day of Service". She's being expected to teach kids how to hula-hoop. :rolleyes:

What utter nonsense does your company get you doing?

BNMC

You have a wife?

Merkin

Makes me get out of bed at 8.15 on weekdays when I'd prefer to lounge in bed until some time in the afternoon having sex, drinking bubbly and eating curly wurlys.

MadsL

BNMC wrote: »

You have a wife?

Last time I checked...

...any tips on getting her pissed for €2?

TPD

Merkin wrote: »

Makes me get out of bed at 8.15 on weekdays when I'd prefer to lounge in bed until some time in the afternoon having sex, drinking bubbly and eating curly wurlys.

That sounds like a really good way to spend an afternoon. Curlywurlys are often the forgotten treat.

keith16

BNMC wrote: »

You have a wife?

No, he said knife. He has a knife.

Hitchens

BNMC wrote: »

You have a wife?

wonders never cease

Fr_Dougal

MadsL wrote: »

So my wife (well qualified with a Masters in Finance) is today taking part in her company's "Day of Service". She's being expected to teach kids how to hula-hoop. :rolleyes:

What utter nonsense does your company get you doing?

Your wife is having an affair.

Merkin

TPD wrote: »

That sounds like a really good way to spend an afternoon. Curlywurlys are often the forgotten treat.

Five for a quid in my local shop at present, BARGAIN

BNMC

MadsL wrote: »

Last time I checked...

...any tips on getting her pissed for €2?

Ask Maddie McCann.

newmug

I worked in a certain factory a few years ago. My boss at the time was one of the stupidest people I've ever met, he was so thick he'd make Dougal off Fr. Ted look intelligent.

Anyway, one day this bigshot American fella was coming over to visit our site. Now, the boss was more interested in making himself look good than actually getting any work done. So he rang me up:

Boss: Newmug, I want you to stop working where you are in Bay 108, and head over to Bay 10 on the other side, it'll look better if there's somebody there.
Me: No problem. But just to let you know, there's a machine here that's down and needs to be sorted, whereas there's nothing to be done in Bay 10. If I leave here, there'll be nobody here working on this machine.
Boss: JUST STOP ARGUING AND DO WHAT I'M ****IN ASKIN YA!!!

So off I went. The American came, wondered why production was stopped, and went straight to the broken machine in Bay 108. My boss rang me up again, asking why the machine wasn't working. I told him that that's what I was trying to explain to him before he moved me. The stupid cnut was nearly crying, I'd loved to have seen his face.

dazed+confused

MadsL wrote: »

So my wife (well qualified with a Masters in Finance) is today taking part in her company's "Day of Service". She's being expected to teach kids how to hula-hoop. :rolleyes:

What utter nonsense does your company get you doing?

I am running a 6-week course for Transition Years at the minute through my company's Corporate Social Responsibility scheme. I am getting paid time off work to do it and I am getting to do something totally different to my normal working day. The scheme was optional and we could pick any class from Junior Infants to 6th year.

No matter how well qualified I am, I can see the benefit of handing down knowledge to someone that appreciates it.

tiger55

Makes me work boxing day every year:mad:

funt cucker

I teach idiots how to do statistical engineering.

Horrid Henry

tiger55 wrote: »

Makes me work boxing day every year:mad:

You're forced to travel to the UK and work on Stephen's Day?

Horrific.

tatli_lokma

Most stupid thing a company I worked for did was think that a team building reward day in a hospice was a good idea! We were told we were going on a team building to a mystery location and arrived at the hospice. To say it was a downer is an understatement. The fools didn't even give any consideration to two members of staff who had lost loved ones to cancer in the last 6 months, and there we were, in a hospice with very very sick people and expected to enjoy ourselves helping to plant the garden

Now don't get me wrong, acts of kindness are great, and if we had been asked would we like to volunteer I am fairly sure quite a lot of people would have happily obliged. But to make out like we were going paintballing or some other such team building event and then spring it on us was a really bad idea. We were supposed to be having a party that night, understandably hardly anyone had the heart to go. We all wanted to spend time with our families. We all felt like we had contributed something worthwhile, but it was a very sombre occasion nonetheless.

saltyjack silverblade

tatli_lokma wrote: »

Most stupid thing a company I worked for did was think that a team building reward day in a hospice was a good idea! We were told we were going on a team building to a mystery location and arrived at the hospice. To say it was a downer is an understatement. The fools didn't even give any consideration to two members of staff who had lost loved ones to cancer in the last 6 months, and there we were, in a hospice with very very sick people and expected to enjoy ourselves helping to plant the garden

Now don't get me wrong, acts of kindness are great, and if we had been asked would we like to volunteer I am fairly sure quite a lot of people would have happily obliged. But to make out like we were going paintballing or some other such team building event and then spring it on us was a really bad idea. We were supposed to be having a party that night, understandably hardly anyone had the heart to go. We all wanted to spend time with our families. We all felt like we had contributed something worthwhile, but it was a very sombre occasion nonetheless.

This is hilarious! :pac:

MadsL

dazed+confused wrote: »

I am running a 6-week course for Transition Years at the minute through my company's Corporate Social Responsibility scheme. I am getting paid time off work to do it and I am getting to do something totally different to my normal working day. The scheme was optional and we could pick any class from Junior Infants to 6th year.

No matter how well qualified I am, I can see the benefit of handing down knowledge to someone that appreciates it.

Oh, I get that. She'd have no issue at all if she could run a free course for a local charity on say Succession Planning, Evaluating Training Effectiveness or Fiscal Modelling.

...but teaching kids how to hula-hoop? What a waste of an opportunity.

MadsL

funt cucker wrote: »

I teach idiots how to do statistical engineering.

What percentage of them could form a human pyramid?

tatli_lokma

saltyjack silverblade wrote: »

This is hilarious! :pac:

Can you imagine our faces? There we were on the bus laughing and joking, in our jeans and casual gear (we were told to wear comfy shoes!) Trying to guess what exciting place we were headed to and then we pull up at a hospice!! :eek: and I should add, the average staff age was about 26, so it was far from the adventurous event we expected!

saltyjack silverblade

tatli_lokma wrote: »

Can you imagine our faces? There we were on the bus laughing and joking, in our jeans and casual gear (we were told to wear comfy shoes!) Trying to guess what exciting place we were headed to and then we pull up at a hospice!! :eek: and I should add, the average staff age was about 26, so it was far from the adventurous event we expected!

You just keep making it sound more hilarious!

stoneill

funt cucker wrote: »

I teach idiots how to do statistical engineering.

I bet you put the FUN into Fundamental Statistics!

McChubbin

keith16 wrote: »

No, he said knife. He has a knife.

That's not a knife! That's a spoon!

tatli_lokma

saltyjack silverblade wrote: »

You just keep making it sound more hilarious!

Yeah, nothing says hilarious team building exercise like people dying! Lol

mattjack

MadsL wrote: »

Last time I checked...

...any tips on getting her pissed for €2?

Yep , hand gel full of alcohol , from Polish/Russian shops at one euro a litre .
Cant guarantee her eyesight or stomach though and you should have an interesting night.

MadsL

McChubbin wrote: »

That's not a knife! That's a spoon!

I see you have played knifey-spooney before!

Today I had to wear a badge telling everyone it was important to wash their hands.

funt cucker

MadsL wrote: »

What percentage of them could form a human pyramid?

About 5% are real go getters and usually end up shítting one everyone else on the pyramid.

returnNull

Deleted User wrote: »

Today I had to wear a badge telling everyone it was important to wash their hands.

a toilet attendant?

returnNull

returnNull wrote: »

a toilet attendant?

The tips and the free chupa chups make it worth it.

godtabh

I've 3 degrees and happy to use them when it helps the cause. Have participated in engineers week a few times. Last time was teaching kids how to build helicopters out of paper. They got as much out of it as I did. Was a good day

newmug

^^^^ The thread is supposed to be about STUPID things work makes you do, not good / cool things:P

MadsL

godtabh wrote: »

I've 3 degrees and happy to use them when it helps the cause. Have participated in engineers week a few times. Last time was teaching kids how to build helicopters out of paper. They got as much out of it as I did. Was a good day

When will they see you again?

mattjack

MadsL wrote: »

When will they see you again?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6fVDAjs9f0

tatli_lokma

Just remembered another one..

Head office sent us posters to be put in the jacks on the importance of checking your pee to be sure you're not dehydrated! The tag line was 'if it's light you're alright!'. There was a pyramid diagram on the poster with varying shades of yellow advising which shade of yellow is okay and which shade means you need to drink more water. The scary thing is there is a team in the UK who got paid a lot more money that the rest of us to come up with this brainwave!! Piss poor carry on!

wexie

I was sat around / sightseeing in Budapest for 2 days cause it would be to expensive (300euro) to change my flights to go to a different job.
Hotel was 150 a night + food and they charge minimum of 1000 a day for me.

Somehow I was the only one to see the flaw in their maths.

Budapest is nice though

godtabh

MadsL wrote: »

When will they see you again?

thankfully none of them are in english

MadsL

Egészségedre!!!

MadsL

godtabh wrote: »

thankfully none of them are in english

Or in Gelotology.

wexie

MadsL wrote: »

Egészségedre!!!

Some beers may have been had

MadsL

wexie wrote: »

Some beers may have been had

Did you remember not to clink glasses....?

Ihatecuddles-old

This isnt stupid and I really enjoyed it.

I used to work in my local supervalu when I was 17. We had a regular customer who was in a wheelchair, one staff member got to go home with him and help him but his groceries away. I loved doing it, he was lovely, great for a chat and I used to stay for ages drinking tea

wexie

MadsL wrote: »

Did you remember not to clink glasses....?

I don't think there was any clinking glasses, more of a holding them up in the air like they'd do in Austria or Germany.

(why, is that considered rude?)

MadsL

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

This isnt stupid and I really enjoyed it.

I used to work in my local supervalu when I was 17. We had a regular customer who was in a wheelchair, one staff member got to go home with him and help him but his groceries away. I loved doing it, he was lovely, great for a chat and I used to stay for ages drinking tea

Drinking tea. Yeah.

MadsL

wexie wrote: »

I don't think there was any clinking glasses, more of a holding them up in the air like they'd do in Austria or Germany.

(why, is that considered rude?)

Yes, there is an urban legend in Hungarian culture that Austrian generals clinked their beer glasses to celebrate the execution of the 13 Martyrs of Arad in 1849. Many people still follow the tradition, although younger people often disavow it, citing that the vow was only meant to last 150 years...

...or so Wikipedia says. I've never seen too much clinking.

Lennyzip

newmug wrote: »

I worked in a certain factory a few years ago. My boss at the time was one of the stupidest people I've ever met, he was so thick he'd make Dougal off Fr. Ted look intelligent.

Anyway, one day this bigshot American fella was coming over to visit our site. Now, the boss was more interested in making himself look good than actually getting any work done. So he rang me up:

Boss: Newmug, I want you to stop working where you are in Bay 108, and head over to Bay 10 on the other side, it'll look better if there's somebody there.
Me: No problem. But just to let you know, there's a machine here that's down and needs to be sorted, whereas there's nothing to be done in Bay 10. If I leave here, there'll be nobody here working on this machine.
Boss: JUST STOP ARGUING AND DO WHAT I'M ****IN ASKIN YA!!!

So off I went. The American came, wondered why production was stopped, and went straight to the broken machine in Bay 108. My boss rang me up again, asking why the machine wasn't working. I told him that that's what I was trying to explain to him before he moved me. The stupid cnut was nearly crying, I'd loved to have seen his face.

Sounds a lot like Intel when I worked there , sorry for blowing your cover :-)

Feathers

Timesheets — my week is made up of either 1) work for the client, 2) work for the department or 3) sick days/holidays. They assign me the hours to the client/department each week, holidays are booked in advance & sick days are marked in their calendar when you call in.

What the hell is the point of me entering timecodes & clocking hours against them each week when they know it all beforehand anyway! :rolleyes:

Tzardine

I was once made to drive from Dublin to Belfast to pick up some paperwork because the company would not pay €10 for postage.

Cost well over €70 in fuel and tolls.

For Forks Sake

Deleted User wrote: »

Today I had to wear a badge telling everyone it was important to wash their hands.

I'll wager good money that you probably don't work in a hospital.

Timothy Bryce

Cover sheets for my TPS Reports

Stheno

BNMC wrote: »

You have a wife?

He does, she is allergic to cigarette smoke, and as a reformed smoker, and given that his wife becomes seriously ill when inhaling second hand smoke, he is seriously averse to smoking.

Outside of that, sometimes Mads, it's good to do arcane stuff, I'd betcha your wifes companies objective is for her and her colleagues to discover their inner child.

@ Lennyzip, I bet on Intel too lol and I didn't even work there, but know many who did

My work have recently decided that as I work with clients I should wear a stupid badge with my name on it so they don't forget it.

I mean ffs we work together for days, I introduce myself with an indepth bio, what the hell is a badge with my name going to do, but ruin my lovely outfit?