How do you cope?

keithsfleet

I know this isn't technically a relationship issue but it's the nearest forum I could find.
Broke up with my girlfriend two nights ago. To say I'm heartbroken isn't even the tip of the iceberg.

I met this girl when we were 19 (still remember meeting her in our local nightclub and our 1st date) we stayed together till we were 21.
I was a virgin when I met her and decided after two years I wanted to explore other women as we were way to serious for our age.
Fast forward 8 years and a chance meeting ends up with us getting back together.
We were together this time for two years again.
We had a good thing going but about 6 months ago things started to go sour.
Sex wasn't very possible due to where we live so that went on the wayside and inevitably the relationship started producing cracks, small silly fights ended up being competitions of stubbornness as to who caved first and tried to rectify the situation.

We had a silly fight 2 weeks ago and didn't speak until last Sunday when we both decided a mutual breakup is the best thing for us, which it is to be honest.
I'm completely devastated, not sleeping, not eating and my work is being affected. I spoke to her this evening and I know she's finding it difficult as well (possibly not as much as me though)
I know we can't work as a couple but it doesn't stopp me coming up with scenarios in my head to win her back. She's All I can think about and every stupid little annoying song on the radio nearly has me on my knees.

How do/did you cope if you went through this... anyone?
I'm not a junk food eater so that's out. I've tried jogging which usually clears my head but I can't very well jog 24/7.
Any help for a desperate sole on his knees?

burke027

I've being down that road afew years ago ans to say I was hurt was a understatement. So trust me I know where ur at. Firstly there is no instant fix it's gona be hard for a bit it's gona be very hard if it's not what u wanted.a little bit of advice I know u want to call n text her u must not do that as hard as it is.let her miss u you need to do that.as regard a fix Notting will cure it but time and as I said depending how happy u where with her will be how long ur hurting for.don't contact her don't show weakness trust me u need to do that.
Finally u will only be thst hurt once in your life and it will make u so stronger in the future.
It took me well over 18 months to fully get her out if my system but I was with her 5 year and lived with her.even now I still get the odd tought and I know I could have her again if I wanted to.
I know it's not wat u wana hear but that's the truth

keithsfleet

A part of me doesn't want her back because of the way the relationship went. I don't think third time lucky applies when it comes to relationships but it still doesn't stop me pinning for her. I try to focus on the bad times we had but I always see/smell/hear something that reminds me of one example of a good time we had and I instantly crumble. Even the smallest thing sets me off.

I've always been a rational person and never understood how people could get so upset over a breakup but now I fully understand the pain that's involved.
It's crap!
I've never let my guard down with someone so much which is probably why I've never felt like this after the numerous relationships I've had in the past but it actually makes me want to not get this attached to someone ever again which I know is un rational.
Thanks for the advice.

koremon

I'd say you have done your part as much as going to her or at least showing that you still want her. So it's time to let the situation in her hand, since now it is HER that can determine what the end of your relationship would/might be like.
One rule in relationships is that it always backfire for the man to excessively shoulder the begging part of the load. Sometimes it must be left to the woman to decide the ending.

Vision of Disorder

keithsfleet wrote: »

How do/did you cope if you went through this... anyone?

Your whole world has changed and you shouldn't feel bad for feeling utterly lost because of this. You're bereaved just as surely as if somebody has died. Your reaction is completely normal. Plenty of people in your situation work through the five stages of grief. As to how you deal with it?

Minute by minute. Try and keep busy. Jogging/writing/whatever it takes. I dealt really, really badly with a break up in the middle of last year. My life was a more of less non-stop hell for almost 6 months. I cried constantly, I couldn't sleep, I lost about a stone and a half in weight (and I'm skinny to begin with), I did any number of stupid things, the most serious of which was tying a belt around my neck and heading to my wardrobe with the intention of ending it all. I went through about 9 months of weekly sessions with a therapist and found it of huge, huge benefit. It's something to consider. Even if you don't feel you can talk to a professional about how you're feeling, don't bottle it up. I would personally suggest staying away from your ex but if you've a close friend who'll be willing to support you and be there for you don't be too proud or ashamed to lean on them a little. The support people showed me last year when I needed it still overwhelms me to think of now. If all comes to all and you need to vent, PM me if that's what it takes. Don't allow how you feel to isolate you.

You probably won't even believe me when I say this but it will get easier with time. It won't be easy to get through, in fact it will be torture for a time. It's just part of a process and I don't think there's any avoiding that. At some point it will start to hurt a little less and, almost unbeknownst to yourself, you will step back into the light. For six months I lived an existence bleaker than I could have imagined. It's been sixteen months since my ex and I split. I still think of her from time to time but that jagged, tearing pain is no longer there. Last weekend I woke up beside somebody new for the first time. It was a long, hard road back but I got there and you will too! I wish you the very best and I hope you find yourself in a better place when you get to smiling again.