New relationship

Kerrygirl81

With new partner for about 7 months and what started out as perfect is going downhill very quickly I'm a single mom, working part time so don't have a lot of spare money. My boyfriend works up the country (has a really good job and earns alot of money, also only rents a room in a house so doesn't have to pay same rent as me and splits bills 4 ways) so we only see each other every second weekend (when son stays with his dad for weekend). My problem is every weekend he is down he wants to do a lot of stuff, going to dinner, cinema, drinks, day trips or go away for weekends. I told him I can't afford to do all this on my wage. He knows I have a bit of savings put away (for a rainy day and my sons college fund) and told me I should dip into savings to do all this stuff. I told him that its for unexpected circumstances that may occur etc but he said that it was stupid and that I should be treating myself. Anyway, long story short, got into a big argument over it but made up again. He just rang me there asking will I go to London for weekend with him a week before Xmas, told him need to save for Xmas presents for son but he just doesn't seem to understand. I'm left with about €100 per week after I pay rent, food and bills and just can't afford the lifestyle that he wants. Am I fighting a losing battle or do you think that he will eventually understand. Love him to pieces but starting to think I might be better off by myself. All answers greatly appreciated

CaraMay

He is wrong that you should dip into your savings for small treats but I dont understand if you have 100 per week left over why you can't go out twice a month.

It's ok for him to ask you to do things and it's also equally ok for you to refuse. If it was me and I wanted a weekend away and my oh couldn't afford it then I would pay for them but done people are tight and won't do that.

wirelessdude01

If you have 100e left to play with each week then stick 30e into a jar every week and they maybe once a month or so ye can so something 'nice' or go away. Life is all about compromise(which he needs to learn) but it is also about living(which you need to do as well). Yes your son comes first but you also are allowed and deserve to have some happiness.

Sandypants

If wants to do all this stuff like go away... he could offer the pay for the hotel.... im sure if you had the money you'd pay for him.... he shouldnt make you feel guiity because you have different priorities and more out goings....other then that is every other part of the relationship worthwhile? maybe eventually he'll realise you just dont have the funds.

sReq | uTeK

Two worlds apart, if he was as good as you say surely he knew the person and circumstances he was involving himself with, if he can't see that you're bound by financial restrictions and he wants you to spend money on a trip to London that you would rather be spending on an Xmas pressie for your son then it sound like you're going out with one selfesh and thick individual.

mr_edge_to_you

Ye both need to make compromises. Your boyfriend is making some unreasonable requests but at the same I can see why he might be frustrated.

A trip to the cinema for a couple is approx €30-€35 if they go all out and get popcorn and drinks etc.

Quick example:

So you have €100 left each week.
spare cash 4 x 100 = 400
cinema 1 x 35 = 70
fancy meal (split 50/50) = 50
cash left = 280

you could make more of an effort in my opinion. Re the London trip perhaps your bf should've offered to pay for the hotel and you could pay for the flights or at least your own flight.

You're definitely not as badly off as you might think.

edit: on review the timing of the proposed London trip is at an expensive time of the year.

Obliq

OP, I want to say well done for saving every week and looking after your son's future. I know how it goes (as do most people these days) having to be prudent and wise, in case something serious comes up like the car costing 700+ to put through the NCT, christmas, insurance, car tax, bills, etc. It's the height of stupidity to spend money you haven't got, or dip into your savings that you will badly need one day.

In my life, my OH doesn't live with me either, but has similar interests to me and similar financial contraints (except has no kids). We have a great time going to dinner at friend's houses or inviting them to mine, all for very little money, and saving up for the (very) odd weekend away and we're happy with nights in to ourselves too. It sounds like your boyfriend isn't really on the same page as you at all tbh, especially with this London trip. If at 7 months together, he doesn't recognise that you have a rightly responsible attitude towards not frittering away money on a weekend away (that will definitely be outside your budget), then unfortunately I'd say you might be right in being better off alone (or with a man who understands your lifestyle, anyway..).

Good luck....

Beruthiel

Kerrygirl81 wrote: »

He knows I have a bit of savings put away (for a rainy day and my sons college fund) and told me I should dip into savings to do all this stuff.

When I read the above sentence, all I could think of was danger Will Robinson, DANGER.

You are a single mother, having some money in the bank for emergencies/unforeseen events/whatever, is vitally important.
You have nobody to fall back on after all.

The fact that he doesn't get that means he's either an idiot or he couldn't care less.
The fact that he expects you to step up and pay for all these nights out/weekend away, without any consideration for your weekly pay tells me an awful lot about him.
There are many ways to spend time with someone without having to spend a fortune.

chubnut

Beruthiel apperas to be a person of vast experience and you should seriously take on board his opinion. 7 months is a ridiculouslly short period of time in your situation, equivent to living with someone for a month according to your post. I happen to be seeing a single mother at the moment and have never asked her to contribute to anything I suggest, take that as a benchmark.