Conflicted Feelings, Need Advice!

LegacyUser

I'm a 24 year old woman, my boyfriend is 23 and we have been together for almost a year and a half.
We don't get to see each other much because we are in college all week (I started as a mature student last month), He works evenings at the weekend, does hobbies during the day and I have a 3 year old. It's pretty busy schedule all round.
Generally we only see each other for an hour or so every week to 2 weeks. Sometimes I have my daughter with me when we meet. We don't get much alone time and rarely get to spend the night together. It's pretty frustrating!
I suffer with depression and have been through a terrible time in the past few years. My boyfriend on the other hand has a relatively carefree life. He doesn't understand any of my issues, when I talk about them he becomes visibly uncomfortable so I've stopped talking about these things which makes me kind of sad.
We have a lot of fun together but we don't have a whole lot in common. I get the feeling that our relationship is on a very superficial level, though I suspect he thinks that we have a deeper relationship.

So in the past few weeks I've met a guy in college. He's the same age as me and he's absolutely amazing. I already have such a deep connection with him. He doesn't shy away from my difficulties because he understands them. He has had a difficult few years as well.
He already knows more about me and understands me more than my boyfriend. I am really attracted to him and I know that the feeling is mutual. I've never felt such chemistry with anyone before.

I would never ever cheat on my boyfriend, but now I don't know if it would be best to break up with him. He is an amazing guy, very generous and caring, but our relationship is definitely lacking any sort of excitement. I've tried everything to liven things up but with everything going on there hasn't been any change. He is also not at all adventurous in the bedroom, something that I've also tried to work on.
I love my boyfriend and to me he is stability, but I feel I need something more.

I don't want a relationship with this new fella, but I really want to get intimate with him. Friendship and sex is all nothing more.

I'm afraid that if I break up with my boyfriend that I'll regret it but I feel terrible thinking the way I do now about another man.

I just feel so conflicted! Should I just pull myself together and get on with my current relationship? Or end it and get with the new guy?

Any opinions or advice is greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance.

Meauldsegosha

ConflictedLady wrote: »

I just feel so conflicted! Should I just pull myself together and get on with my current relationship? Or end it and get with the new guy?

Any opinions or advice is greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advance.

Leaving aside the new guy what does your current relationship give you? You don't see each other very often, rarely have alone time, he doesn't understand and seems unwilling to understand your problems and you don't have a lot in common. What is the point of being in a relationship like that? I would rather be single.

kjl

Normally when you start being attracted to someone else it signals the end of the relationship. Ok maybe there might be the odd but of attraction here and there but from what you describe you have a deep connection with your new college friend.

Just do the decent thing and have the talk with you bf.

ManOfMystery

Seeing each other for an hour every fortnight (give or take), not having a whole lot in common, not discussing personal issues, and not having a very fulfilling sex life .............. to me that doesn't really sound like a relationship at all, never mind a relationship you'd want to stay in.

Regardless of how you feel about the new guy, I think you should end this existing liaison.

Cork selfbuild

Hi OP, it sounds to me like you have almost made the decision yourself in what you say... A few things stood out to me...

ConflictedLady wrote: »

does hobbies during the day...

Generally we only see each other for an hour or so every week to 2 weeks...

He doesn't understand any of my issues, when I talk about them he becomes visibly uncomfortable so I've stopped talking about these things which makes me kind of sad....

we don't have a whole lot in common. I get the feeling that our relationship is on a very superficial level...

I already have such a deep connection with him...

He already knows more about me and understands me more than my boyfriend. I am really attracted to him and I know that the feeling is mutual. I've never felt such chemistry with anyone before...

I've tried everything to liven things up but with everything going on there hasn't been any change...

What you have sounds like barely a friendship let alone a relationship... He doesn't seem to make the effort, putting hobbies ahead of you constantly and lack of interest and support...

This new guy in college seems to be opening your eyes to what else is out there, and from what you can see is you better off. If you are unhappy and cannot see yourself in this situation long term, probably without change are you have tried and put in effort with no return.

I think it's time for you to decide what's best for you and what's going to make you happy. I think you know the answer from what you wrote to that.

lmos

I agree with Cork Selfbuild OP...sometimes it heard to break away from the comfort of what we know. You deserve to have a more fulfilling relationship than either of the two scenarios above. The longer you stay with your bf, the longer it will take for you to go out there and meet someone who really does fulfill you. Best of luck, its never easy but be confident in what you want and you will get it.

heretochat

It strikes me that the only thing that is keeping you with your boyfriend is this sense of "stability"..

You know yourself that you can have nothing with this new guy until you cut your boyfriend free..

So if you want to become "intimate" with this new guy you need to do the decent thing first..

And a final question - is the new guy going to settle for just something sexual? You do talk about a deep connection after all.