Mother needs financial support but won't accept it...

LegacyUser

Just looking for advice and to see what others would do in my situation.

My mother is in her late 60’s and has never been great with managing her money. Now she’s in debt with those nasty payday loan companies and they’re acting as a catalyst- speeding up her fall into more debt. Added to this, she has a son with an addiction living at home and taking more than he gives, all while making the whole environment there very unpleasant (my mother was always very anti-drugs but now she has to live around someone who does serious drugs in the house).

I went through her finances and there IS a way out of it all. I see that if she lowers her repayments to these loan companies and never takes out another one with them again (which she definitely won’t considering the shock she got from them this time) and gets my brother to move out or contribute twice the money he gives (still a small sum), she’ll be on a sustainable plan. The problem is she hates confrontation. She knows doing these things will help but she just can’t bring herself to make the changes. If she doesn’t change things immediately, as in this coming week, she’ll start building up much more debt as the days go by with these loan shark parasites– she could get further into debt by a grand every six weeks or so.

My question is… do I accept that she hasn’t asked for my help and leave her to this situation, or do I become more forceful with her and my brother and force changes myself? I can offer some money myself each week but it would only be a small part of what she needs (and sure it probably only cover what she spends to keep my brother in the house doing drugs anyway).

Again, I know it’s not my life and my mother is of sound mind but it’s absolute torture watching her sink like this by the day. Any advice? What would people do if they were in my situation?

gugleguy

1. Well done with posting this.
2. Confrontation. Are there people who could accompany your mum with regard to moral support. You may be indisposed because you are working.

LegacyUser

gugleguy wrote: »

1. Well done with posting this.
2. Confrontation. Are there people who could accompany your mum with regard to moral support. You may be indisposed because you are working.

There are people who will go with her so that's fine but it's just that she doesn't seem to even want to ask them to lower her repayments. She's paying several hundred euros a month on two loans. She won't need to stop paying them, just needs to pay at least half which is still an exorbitant rate to pay anyway. I think they're getting her to pay almost 100e a week on just one loan... A WEEK!! This is about a third of her income on just one loan!

Again though, it's not my life so maybe until she directly asks me to help, I need to stay out of it. But still, I'd value hearing other peoples' opinions on this.

Sleepy

I'm not a QFA but from what I've read on the arrangements, if her income is 300 per week and her loan repayments are over 100, I think she'd benefit from looking into the new personal insolvency arrangements. The reasonable living expenses guidelines could actually be higher than what she's currently trying to live on and since it's not an actualy bankruptcy, she'd avoid the shame of having it all made public. Could you get her to talk with a professional?

imitation

I think you should take action, for her good, and if it gets worse it sounds like you might be the one who has to intervene anyway.

freshpopcorn

This situation is a bit messy especially with your mother being in debt and your brother with his drug addiction.
If you do take action with your brother and he leaves home and anything happens to him people might try and blame you. Your mam has to really back you no matter what ever happens.
How big is the actually loan and how long will it take her to payback?
Often people with high interest loans or credit card debt often take out small credit union loans because the interest rate will be lower and credit union are more manageable to deal with.
Is their any cut backs she could make to try and save money such as changing her supermarket, cut back on discretionary spending and she could shop around for insurance, electricity and heating to make sure she get a good rate.

LegacyUser

About insolvency, it's definitely something I can research for her- her situation needs immediate relief and that could be the answer.

It's a few small loans (totaling a few 1000s) but the repayments are crippling so a credit union loan might be another avenue to explore. The problem is that neither she, nor I are members of a credit union. Is it possible to join up, put a significant amount of money in and take a loan out only a few weeks later?

It really is between a rock and a hard place- I could stop being so paternalistic and patronising and let her lead her life as she seems fit since I wouldn't tolerate anyone coming into my life to demand I make changes. But at the same time I can see it rapidly growing into a bigger problem. I guess I can make those two suggestions to her, give her more and more encouragement to change her circumstances and then hope she makes the right decisions to lessen her problems.

Thanks for the advice.

Sleepy

Remember, an insolvency arrangement is not the same as a bankruptcy so many assets e.g. your primary principal residence, an ordinary car that's required for getting to work / shopping don't tend to get brought into the equation.