Not what I expected

kennyj90

Bit of background -
I left home 3 months ago with a close friend (lets call her ann) to live in Australia for a year.
We got to Melbourne 3 months ago.

When we got here a friend of anns offered us to stay to her and her partner while we got on our feet, which we where both happy with.
A few days in and Ann get's a job working in a restaurant/bar near to the freinds house where are staying.

I'm a qualified accountant and wanted to do something in that area so after a long wait I eventually got a 6 month contact as an accountant and started it 4 weeks ago.

Long story short, one of the reasons I left home was to meet people and I suppose see the rest of the world.

Since getting here it's just not what I expected.

We don't know anyone here other than the people we are staying with.
I don't really like my job, It's hard work and the people aren't very friendly and they all seem to have their own click or just keep to themselves.
We had a work night out last weekend and I just felt very alone as I felt I was constantly putting in the effort to chat to people but they just didn't seem interested or care.

Ann is working crazy hours cause in the restaurant so she doesn't get to come out with me for drinks or to do things.

We had originally planned to move into our own place but suppose we just got to comfortable staying with the friend and her partner. Plus we're saving money here for later travels and they are happy to have us there for extra money towards their bills.

I just feel really lonely and feel like i'm always on top of ann's friend and her partner.
I'm working flat out all week and would love nothing more at the weekends than to be out having a few beers with people or even just some company or someone to go for a walk with etc especially that the weather here is so nice. Instead I'm sitting in on my laptop feeling bored and miserable, this is not how I planned it.

The couple we are staying with are nice and very good to us and happy to have us here but just keep to themselves and don't do much so I feel like I'm always sitting in on top of them.

I've discussed this with Ann and she said she feels the same because she's in the house all day on her own while we all work and come in the weekend and evenings I'm in her position.

I just feel I've traveled all the way across the world to do more or less what I was doing except back home I had people to do things with.
I don't want to go home as I've put a lot of money and planning into this trip and there's nothing back home for me either.

We don't really know what to do. I think the main problem is not having any freinds here, If I was able to get out at the weekends we could be meeting people but we can't cause ann works all weekend.
Ann is not willing to give up her job or get a new one, which is understandable and i don;t expect her to.
I'm not really one for joining things to meet people either.

The only thing keeping me going is we leave after Christmas to go up to sydney and then do more traveling but I hate to spend the next few months feeling like this.

Anyone any suggestions on what to do or been in similar situation and would like to advise?

Thanks in advance.

TwoGallants

Keep doing what you're doing and weather it out. You'll be in Sydney soon enough and you'll meet new people there. I'm living abroad and sometimes I feel a little lonely, miss my close friends and family back home, but then I'm still meeting quite a few people. Its worth it. Goodluck

kennyj90

Thanks. How did you get meeting people?

YumCha

Have you tried meetup.com? Sports clubs?

Also could Ann use the days to find a different job where her nights would be free? That way you could socialise together a bit more. If restaurant jobs are all she can get, try colleges and business districts that aren't open during the weekends.

Give it some time and also get active and out there - they're not going to come to you!

ElleEm

kennyj90 wrote: »

Bit of background -
I left home 3 months ago with a close friend (lets call her ann) to live in Australia for a year.
We got to Melbourne 3 months ago.

When we got here a friend of anns offered us to stay to her and her partner while we got on our feet, which we where both happy with.
A few days in and Ann get's a job working in a restaurant/bar near to the freinds house where are staying.

I'm a qualified accountant and wanted to do something in that area so after a long wait I eventually got a 6 month contact as an accountant and started it 4 weeks ago.

Long story short, one of the reasons I left home was to meet people and I suppose see the rest of the world.

Since getting here it's just not what I expected.

We don't know anyone here other than the people we are staying with.
I don't really like my job, It's hard work and the people aren't very friendly and they all seem to have their own click or just keep to themselves.
We had a work night out last weekend and I just felt very alone as I felt I was constantly putting in the effort to chat to people but they just didn't seem interested or care.

Ann is working crazy hours cause in the restaurant so she doesn't get to come out with me for drinks or to do things.

We had originally planned to move into our own place but suppose we just got to comfortable staying with the friend and her partner. Plus we're saving money here for later travels and they are happy to have us there for extra money towards their bills.

I just feel really lonely and feel like i'm always on top of ann's friend and her partner.
I'm working flat out all week and would love nothing more at the weekends than to be out having a few beers with people or even just some company or someone to go for a walk with etc especially that the weather here is so nice. Instead I'm sitting in on my laptop feeling bored and miserable, this is not how I planned it.

The couple we are staying with are nice and very good to us and happy to have us here but just keep to themselves and don't do much so I feel like I'm always sitting in on top of them.

I've discussed this with Ann and she said she feels the same because she's in the house all day on her own while we all work and come in the weekend and evenings I'm in her position.

I just feel I've traveled all the way across the world to do more or less what I was doing except back home I had people to do things with.
I don't want to go home as I've put a lot of money and planning into this trip and there's nothing back home for me either.

We don't really know what to do. I think the main problem is not having any freinds here, If I was able to get out at the weekends we could be meeting people but we can't cause ann works all weekend.
Ann is not willing to give up her job or get a new one, which is understandable and i don;t expect her to.
I'm not really one for joining things to meet people either.

The only thing keeping me going is we leave after Christmas to go up to sydney and then do more traveling but I hate to spend the next few months feeling like this.

Anyone any suggestions on what to do or been in similar situation and would like to advise?

Thanks in advance.

If you want to change your current situation, you really need to change the bolded part. You are an adult, and you cannot be relying on your friend to be the only person you socialise with.

I would have thought that there would be a huge ex-pat community in most big cities in Oz. Even pop over to the Australia thread and start chatting to other Irish people over there. At least this may allow you to feel more comfortable meeting up with people if you have built a little relationship online.

TwoGallants

kennyj90 wrote: »

Thanks. How did you get meeting people?

I'm learning the local language, so I take language classes and meet people of the same mindset there. I also do a few conversation exchanges every week and have met a few people through that. Plus my housemates (people I didn't know before I moved here). Plus my girlfriend and her social circle. I actually know a lot more people now than when I was in Dublin. Hope it works out for you!

ivytwine

Hey OP, was in Oz myself a few years ago and found the Aussies hard to get to know, very friendly but only to a certain extent. Like they would never invite you anywhere if they didn't know you. Even happened to my aunt and uncle (they're English), they said they only hung out with UK people until their kids went to school.

However, there's lots of great ideas here, I second meetup. Try the abroad forum here in Boards too.

Australia is great but it's not the utopia everyone makes it out to be, so go easy on yourself. Appreciate the good things about it; the sunshine, the scenery, even TimTams (I'd kill for a TimTam now...)

And Sydney is fantastic, you won't be short of people if you hang around the backpacker spots

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

dellas1979

kennyj90 wrote: »

If I was able to get out at the weekends we could be meeting people but we can't cause ann works all weekend.

Are you and Ann attached at the hip or something?

kennyj90 wrote: »

I'm not really one for joining things to meet people either.

Ummm. Well, ummmmmm...Im just wondering, how else does one meet people? Staying at home? Honestly, I really dont know

Are you banking on Ann to make friends for you or something? One of the greatest things about travelling is the ability for it to open your eyes. You seem to have little or zero confidence to go somewhere on your own. I take it you are quite young (late teens?). And your fear to get out there (on your own) is stopping you doing the very things that you want to. Is one crappy night with your colleagues really that big of a deal? Maybe take baby steps first....I dunno. Hit a library. Go to cine. Ride a bike. Get on a horse. Take up painting. Learn surfing. Hit the Irish community there.

This trip is going to be what you make it.

Potatoeman

There really is no guarantee things will fall in place and I know friends of mine that had very different experiences. It really helps if you get on with colleagues or housemates. One of my friends moved cities and had a better time once he moved as he just wasnt meeting people through work and his housemates had their own things going on.

Cooperspale

To be honest you need to break out of your comfort zone and get out of the social rut you're in. Unless you are pro active about this, don't expect a knock on your door any time soon.
This is true of most big cities around the world that you may venture to. None of them will have your tailor made social life.
You arrived in winter so socially Melbourne is pretty quiet at this time, things should be starting to kick off soon with Spring racing carnival.

You're not in a hostel with a ready made social scene and you can't expect your flatmates to provide one for you.
As mentioned Meetup is pretty good and they have an Irish group also
http://www.meetup.com/Melbourne-Irish-Brekkie-Club/
They have many other interest groups...supper clubs, walking, hobbies etc. etc.

Take a class in something you like. Try internet dating.
Go to a nice bar by yourself on a Sat/Sun afternoon, someone will always come over to chat. Or go to an Irish bar, some of them do a music session e.g. Quiet Man has one on Sunday, Drunken Poet does a couple of nights a week, I always see one when driving past on a Thursday night.
Work socials can be hit and miss sometimes so don't be upset over that. A lot of workplaces here are well aware of backpackers on WHVs who will be gone in 3-6mths so why make a huge effort when you're transient. A bit harsh maybe but true.

You did not come this far away from home to sit at your lap top in your free time. Get out there, it's a big city, make the effort and honestly things will turn around for you.

LegacyUser

when I lived in Oz, the only Australians I got to know were those I worked with. I was doing lots of different jobs so got to meet a lot of people (I never would have classed any of them as friends really although they were nice and friendly).

I ended up doing some yoga classes and got to meet some really nice people doing that. A friend joined an aussie rules club and got to meet people that way.

A good thing to do is head to hostels at weekends and you'll get to see different parts of the country nearish as well as meeting people.

When in Sydney head to the Blue mountains for a weekend or up to Avalon beach...

LegacyUser

There is loads of info on boards and other forums for Irish people travelling that want to meet up, make friends. No offence but you've travelled the whole way across the world and now seem to need your friend to hold your hand. It seems like a lot of excuses to me. Why don't you move out of that flat, it doesn't seem to be ideal. Stay in a hostel for a while, maybe? You'll never meet anyone in your current situation and no one is going to change it for you.

LegacyUser

Travelling wrote: »

No offence but you've travelled the whole way across the world and now seem to need your friend to hold your hand. It seems like a lot of excuses to me. Why don't you move out of that flat, it doesn't seem to be ideal. Stay in a hostel for a while, maybe? You'll never meet anyone in your current situation and no one is going to change it for you.

There's a big difference between travelling where you are meeting different people on a daily basis who are often very open to chatting and going out and moving to a new city. I've done both and you're now in a city where people have their own thing going on, life isn't centred around seeing new things on a daily basis or gathering around the hostel in the evening to chat about your travelling.

anon41

Hi there, just saw your post, lived in melbourne for a while and found sports a good way to meet people. Ozzies are big into fitness in general, there are lots of social running clubs in Melbourne.. Crosby crew, gunn runners, Albert park have parkrun.. a run on Saturday mornings and often go for coffee / breakfast afterwards. There are also free training runs around the city from fed square at certain times of the year.

Some gyms/ fitness clubs also have nights out and organize winery trips etc so maybe look into that..Melbourne also has a Celtic clubman the CBD that has Irish events on so maybe look into that as well, hope this helps!

Chrisita

The best thing to do is to have a weekend in a backpacker hostel. You will get to connect with others who are in exactly the same situation ,and will be eager to make new friends to socialize with and do all the touristy things.