Advice needed

norrie_1001

Hi all, need a bit of advice re my girlfriend of 1 year.

1st off there is a distance issue. I live and work in Tipperary and she lives and works in Cork. It's about an hour drive for either of us to see each other which is not too bad at all. We try and see each other as much as we can but I am a shift worker with shifts all over the place. I can work a lot of weekends too so sometimes it could be up to a week before we see each other. If I do call down to her of an evening it is usually after a long shift and I can be tired and not up for much and have to leave again as I could have an early start in the morning.

2nd is the fact that she is a country girl and I am originally from city. We have different ideas and attitudes towards things. She can be very innocent about things whereas I am quite streetwise.

3rd thing is that she has bad table manners. She eats with her mouth open. You can hear every noise coming from her mouth. She uses her fingers a lot when she should be using a knife. She then is very bad at ordering food and also not waiting for everyone to be served before she starts eating. This whole area drives me crazy as I am mildly OCD and had good table manners bate into me when I was young.

How do I address these issues or am I fighting a loosing battle? Don't get me wrong, we have great time together most of the time and have a great time in the bedroom and I do love her. I am no saint myself let me say that. I can be moody sometimes due to my job and the long hours. We have never had a screaming all out row but have had plenty of little niggly arguments which we just move on from.

Any suggestions/advice would be appreciated especially from someone with similar issues I have such as the OCD and living a distance away.

Thanks.

CaraMay

Maybe it's a good thing you don't see so much of her as she seems to bug the crap out of you. She seems to annoy you everywhere other than in bed. It's not really fair resenting her for being herself. What can you do about it?

norrie_1001

Looking for constructive advice please, like how do I discuss these issues or bring them up. I don't need snide replies.

Merkin

I think when you're going off someone, little niggly things can begin to really annoy you which is symptomatic of things deteriorating. Do you think you might be going off her? Bad table manners would be a big no no for me as well but surely you knew this when you met her. Is it something you once overlooked and only now grates on your nerves?

norrie_1001

Merkin wrote: »

I think when you're going off someone, little niggly things can begin to really annoy you which is symptomatic of things deteriorating. Do you think you might be going off her? Bad table manners would be a big no no for me as well but surely you knew this when you met her. Is it something you once overlooked and only not grates on your nerves?

Thanks for reply Merkin. I don't know if I am going off her to be honest. I haven't thought about that. We are only recently back from our first foreign holiday and it went well. No fights or anything.

As regards the table manners, I tried to ignore them to be honest. I raised it with her at one stage but probably in the wrong way and she gave me the silent treatment for a few days. She is quite an insecure girl which I means I try not to raise sensitive issues with her.

Merkin

Well you've brought up three discrete issues that all would have been there from the start so you could maybe be going off her OR you spent a lot of time recently in each others company which can be intense sometimes, even for the happiest couples. Maybe she just got on your nerves a bit and these are things to nitpick at a little as you can't quite put your finger on why she's annoyed you? Could that be it?

As far as the table manners go, I personally would have to say it. Tell her that as her boyfriend you SHOULD be able to say it as you do not want her to embarrass herself.

CaraMay

It wasn't snide.... You are very critical of her. Imagine how bad it would be if you saw her more often. Maybe ye are not meant for each other