Suitable job for depressed person

LegacyUser

I think I've really blown it this time. I had to take a day off sick today because I had a horrifying anxiety attack early this morning. I had to go to South Doc and after that I went home.
I've been having them for a while after I started my current job (5 months ago). It's a good job with an international financial company but I find the work quite stressful as the solutions to the problems I face seem to be more related to finance than IT (I work in the IT support department). As a result I find myself getting all vexed, aggravated and stressed when I can't fix soemthing. I frequently have to call or email someone else to fix it which I absolutley hate doing.
I prefer not having to depend on anyone in my work. I just want to come in the door in the morning and feel confident I can do my job without worrying about what's going to be in the next email or the next phone call. It's all about control. I feel I can't control the demands that are being placed on me and that makes me incredibly frustrated.
My parents and my sister were delighted when I got the job as I got all the perks that come with a job like this (pension and healthcare etc.).
If I had to give it up (as seems likely) I will never get another job as good as it.
However I really hate it for the reasons I have outlined above. This is why I have been having the anxiety attacks in the morning. It follows a familiar pattern:
1. Take half a sleeping tablet and go to bed at 10-10.30
2. Wake feeling anxious about the day ahead at 3/4 am
3. Sometimes take another half sleeping tablet which more often than not doesn't put me back to sleep. I toss and turn and my mind races with anxiety until I get up at 7.30
4. Go into work exhausted and by the time 2 pm comes I am shattered

This morning was the first time there were physical symptoms (shortness of breath, aches in neck and back).
I have got a sick cert for Tuesday to Friday for next week but I have to go in Monday as the person who covers for me when I am off is also off. I don't want them to know I am depressed so I am going to say my Dad had a bad turn and I have to take some time off to be at home. I hate lying but feel I have no option.
If I quit I have to serve two months notice but in my current state of health I don't even know if I could pull that off. I know I can't do this job; part of it is general anxiety as I am terrified of speaking to people in authority and have a massive lack of self-confidence.
I would just love to get a cushy, non-stressful job (maybe a three-day week) so I would not have to worry all the time and get back to sleeping properly.
I am not lazy, I worked like a slave in the job I had before this (because I knew how to it most of the time).
There must be some kind of suitable job out there for people like me? I know with this recession there are cutbacks but I have a degree in software development and about four years work experience.
I don't expect to be paid a fortune either. I have heard of something called the National Learning Network?
Can anyone suggest anything?I am desperate, I don't want to go back to that place. I am based in Cork and have my own car just so you know.

Nody

barney_99 wrote: »

I think I've really blown it this time. I had to take a day off sick today because I had a horrifying anxiety attack early this morning. I had to go to South Doc and after that I went home.
I've been having them for a while after I started my current job (5 months ago). It's a good job with an international financial company but I find the work quite stressful as the solutions to the problems I face seem to be more related to finance than IT (I work in the IT support department). As a result I find myself getting all vexed, aggravated and stressed when I can't fix soemthing. I frequently have to call or email someone else to fix it which I absolutley hate doing.
I prefer not having to depend on anyone in my work. I just want to come in the door in the morning and feel confident I can do my job without worrying about what's going to be in the next email or the next phone call. It's all about control. I feel I can't control the demands that are being placed on me and that makes me incredibly frustrated.
My parents and my sister were delighted when I got the job as I got all the perks that come with a job like this (pension and healthcare etc.).
If I had to give it up (as seems likely) I will never get another job as good as it.
However I really hate it for the reasons I have outlined above. This is why I have been having the anxiety attacks in the morning. It follows a familiar pattern:
1. Take half a sleeping tablet and go to bed at 10-10.30
2. Wake feeling anxious about the day ahead at 3/4 am
3. Sometimes take another half sleeping tablet which more often than not doesn't put me back to sleep. I toss and turn and my mind races with anxiety until I get up at 7.30
4. Go into work exhausted and by the time 2 pm comes I am shattered

This morning was the first time there were physical symptoms (shortness of breath, aches in neck and back).
I have got a sick cert for Tuesday to Friday for next week but I have to go in Monday as the person who covers for me when I am off is also off. I don't want them to know I am depressed so I am going to say my Dad had a bad turn and I have to take some time off to be at home. I hate lying but feel I have no option.
If I quit I have to serve two months notice but in my current state of health I don't even know if I could pull that off. I know I can't do this job; part of it is general anxiety as I am terrified of speaking to people in authority and have a massive lack of self-confidence.
I would just love to get a cushy, non-stressful job (maybe a three-day week) so I would not have to worry all the time and get back to sleeping properly.
I am not lazy, I worked like a slave in the job I had before this (because I knew how to it most of the time).
There must be some kind of suitable job out there for people like me? I know with this recession there are cutbacks but I have a degree in software development and about four years work experience.
I don't expect to be paid a fortune either. I have heard of something called the National Learning Network?
Can anyone suggest anything?I am desperate, I don't want to go back to that place. I am based in Cork and have my own car just so you know.

Short of some type of freelance job (and even in those usually rely on someone else and fretting about getting the job) you'll rely on someone else in most, if not all, positions. I guess some type of manual labour might apply but once again you'd hardpressed to find such a job in this day and age.

December2012

Are you in treatment for your depression and anxiety? The underlying issue will still be there in most jobs - there will always be elements beyond your control.

LegacyUser

Nody wrote: »

Short of some type of freelance job (and even in those usually rely on someone else and fretting about getting the job) you'll rely on someone else in most, if not all, positions. I guess some type of manual labour might apply but once again you'd hardpressed to find such a job in this day and age.

Yes I know you'll always have to rely on someone in most positions but not for every single thing that comes up. That's what it feels like in this job.

December2012 wrote:

Are you in treatment for your depression and anxiety? The underlying issue will still be there in most jobs - there will always be elements beyond your control.

I am on Gamanil for depression; been on them for a couple of years. I was given Rivotril last week by my GP, I didn't take them as it said they make you tired. I am going to give them a go over the weekend to see if I can get used to them.

irishguy1983

barney_99 wrote: »

I think I've really blown it this time. I had to take a day off sick today because I had a horrifying anxiety attack early this morning. I had to go to South Doc and after that I went home.
I've been having them for a while after I started my current job (5 months ago). It's a good job with an international financial company but I find the work quite stressful as the solutions to the problems I face seem to be more related to finance than IT (I work in the IT support department). As a result I find myself getting all vexed, aggravated and stressed when I can't fix soemthing. I frequently have to call or email someone else to fix it which I absolutley hate doing.
I prefer not having to depend on anyone in my work. I just want to come in the door in the morning and feel confident I can do my job without worrying about what's going to be in the next email or the next phone call. It's all about control. I feel I can't control the demands that are being placed on me and that makes me incredibly frustrated.
My parents and my sister were delighted when I got the job as I got all the perks that come with a job like this (pension and healthcare etc.).
If I had to give it up (as seems likely) I will never get another job as good as it.
However I really hate it for the reasons I have outlined above. This is why I have been having the anxiety attacks in the morning. It follows a familiar pattern:
1. Take half a sleeping tablet and go to bed at 10-10.30
2. Wake feeling anxious about the day ahead at 3/4 am
3. Sometimes take another half sleeping tablet which more often than not doesn't put me back to sleep. I toss and turn and my mind races with anxiety until I get up at 7.30
4. Go into work exhausted and by the time 2 pm comes I am shattered

This morning was the first time there were physical symptoms (shortness of breath, aches in neck and back).
I have got a sick cert for Tuesday to Friday for next week but I have to go in Monday as the person who covers for me when I am off is also off. I don't want them to know I am depressed so I am going to say my Dad had a bad turn and I have to take some time off to be at home. I hate lying but feel I have no option.
If I quit I have to serve two months notice but in my current state of health I don't even know if I could pull that off. I know I can't do this job; part of it is general anxiety as I am terrified of speaking to people in authority and have a massive lack of self-confidence.
I would just love to get a cushy, non-stressful job (maybe a three-day week) so I would not have to worry all the time and get back to sleeping properly.
I am not lazy, I worked like a slave in the job I had before this (because I knew how to it most of the time).
There must be some kind of suitable job out there for people like me? I know with this recession there are cutbacks but I have a degree in software development and about four years work experience.
I don't expect to be paid a fortune either. I have heard of something called the National Learning Network?
Can anyone suggest anything?I am desperate, I don't want to go back to that place. I am based in Cork and have my own car just so you know.

Sounds as though this job is creating anxiety an stress. Sounds as though you are having to call in sick and make up stories. This is all having a negative effect on your mental health.

Is the job really worth your health? Maybe it is time to speak to your Manager and see can anything be worked out? If not maybe it is time to on - all this stress doesn't sound like it is suiting you.

Jim2007

Well speaking as someone who has spent over 20 years work in IT for financial services companies, I have to say your description of the work environment is fairly typical for the industry. But having said that, I also tell you that if you have been there for five months, then you must be doing a fairly good job, because these kind of companies are very quick about letting you know if you are not up to the task!

The big challenge in do IT for a finance type company is that the business is very complex and it can take a long to for you to get up to speed and be able to provide support beyond the basic technical stuff, but the thing is that most of the business people in this area know this and make allowances for you.

So all in all I expect you are meeting expectations on the job front.

Now the health issues are another thing - and again I'm speaking from experience here as well since I suffered a break down myself many years ago... The thing is that you are going to have to deal with these types of situation in most jobs and what you need to do is learn how to deal with it. And in that respect I don't think your GP is doing you any favours by sending you home with a couple of pills! You need counselling and help to develop the tools that will enable you to deal with these issues. Unfortunately I don't know anyone in you are that I could suggest, but perhaps someone else could recommend someone to you.

LegacyUser

Jim2007 wrote: »

Well speaking as someone who has spent over 20 years work in IT for financial services companies, I have to say your description of the work environment is fairly typical for the industry. But having said that, I also tell you that if you have been there for five months, then you must be doing a fairly good job, because these kind of companies are very quick about letting you know if you are not up to the task!

The big challenge in do IT for a finance type company is that the business is very complex and it can take a long to for you to get up to speed and be able to provide support beyond the basic technical stuff, but the thing is that most of the business people in this area know this and make allowances for you.

So all in all I expect you are meeting expectations on the job front.

I don't think I am doing a good job; I have been pulled up by my manager twice for things like not cc'ing the rest of the team on emails and forgetting where backups are located. Most of the time I have been able to service the request people ask me to perform though. I am very sensitive to criticism and as say I have a fear of speaking to people in authority.
I think I may have "imposter syndrome". It's a big corporation, my co-workers are smarter than me. I don't want to be there, I feel uncomfortable. I'm not lazy, I just want to feel adequate.

Jim2007 wrote: »

Now the health issues are another thing - and again I'm speaking from experience here as well since I suffered a break down myself many years ago... The thing is that you are going to have to deal with these types of situation in most jobs and what you need to do is learn how to deal with it. And in that respect I don't think your GP is doing you any favours by sending you home with a couple of pills! You need counselling and help to develop the tools that will enable you to deal with these issues. Unfortunately I don't know anyone in you are that I could suggest, but perhaps someone else could recommend someone to you.

I have been to see a counsellor and she has tried unsuccessfully to change my mode of thinking. I just want the pressure to come off. It's overwhelming, I can't take it anymore.

fret_wimp2

Speaking as someone who suffered from anxiety and depression, there is no perfect job for someone with anxiety or depression.
Regardless of how un-stressful the job is, your condition will find something to stress you out about.

The idea of finding a job to fit around your condition is one that's also doomed to failure.

You need to get a handle on your condition and that comes with treatment, time, practice and facing what causes your anxiety.

I recommend finding a good CBT (Cognative Behavourial Therapy) therapist. With CBT you will learn how to recognise when you are becoming anxious before you actually have a full blown attack ( with me signs appeared hours before an actual attack). once you recognise this, you can take steps to prevent the attack.

This also helps your confidence and depression. Right now it all sounds like a lot of effort im sure, but i promise you its worth doing.

Once you have the techniques to control your behaviour, its just a matter of diving in, getting into uncomfortable situations and practising your techniques. its tough at first but after a while it becomes reflex, you forget your even doing it and it just happens.

Best of luck, whatever path you chose.

mblay

Hi,
Hope you are doing ok , life and jobs are stressful in any walk of life . No matter what you do you will always have stress. I had an excellent job like you and suffered the same problems . I left , after a few years doing different jobs I'm back in another decent job but alas 'the grass isn't greener ' . I've got older and seen a doctor for anxiety and had to learn to deal with it in various ways . Through different methods , CBT, relaxation and medication if needed a totally normal life is possible . I'm currently working away and have what I would call normal stress, very few people skip into work happy and everyone is answerable to someone. I hope these posts help you out and you can find a path that suits you to work and live stress free.

Mrs OBumble

I'm sticking my moderator hat on here, and reminding people that it's not appropriate to say "you need X therapy" - you're not a health professional - and even if you were, you haven't met the OP, assessed his/her full history and symptoms etc.

It is fine to say "I found that X was really helpful" or even "evidence says that X is not the most effective for Y" provided you can link to the evidence. But not "you need X" - because really randoms on the internet just don't know.


That said, I'll switch back to myself:


OP, you really do need to have a GP who is providing you with advice or referral to advice services for the range of issues, including work, that you have. And you need to trust them enough to take the medications that they provide, or to ask them for something different if they give you things (counsellors, drugs, etc) that don't work. It sounds to me like you need to go back to your GP, or possibly to try another one.

This isn't a simple quick fix, as you well know. But hang in there, keep trying options, and you will find a way to manage your health issues and life the best life you can, including working at a job that will suit you (you, not your parent, sister, whatever).

LegacyUser

I am off until next Monday but I am already becoming apprehensive about going back even though it is a good bit away. My GP didn't change my medication, she just increased the Gamanil from three tabs a day to four. She didn't put me on sleeping tablets for the sleeping problem as she was worried they would become addictive. She just told me get more exercise as I am not exercising at all at the moment.
I suppose I was hoping for a "quick fix" as the previous poster said but I know there isn't.
I have to reduce my anxiety levels; I posted originally in the hope that somebody might suggest some kind of job that wouldn't stress me out so much. The response has been that there is no such thing and I have to learn to manage my stress.
OK fair enough I accept that but I don't know if I can do it. I am feeling OK at home now in a relaxed atmosphere but what will it be like when I go back to work? It's so comfortable here at home and my mind is at such ease that it is a very tempting option to just hand in my notice and "drop out" of life. I have a bit of money saved up that would keep me going along with the dole. My parents don't mind me being at home and I know I could keep myself busy. I don't really want to do that though as being unemployed is a massive blow to my self-esteem and I would get fed up eventually. I was out of work a few times before and I didn't enjoy it one little bit.
At present my best option is to try to stay in the job and hope things get better and keep an eye out for a more suitable job (one that is more IT-based).
I am worried though.

Gmol

As one of the posters said if you are doing the job there for 5 months you must be doing something right, there is a steep learning curve and people do feel inadequate when they start but the longer you are able to stay you will find it will become less stressful as you learn more, everyone asks questions of people they work be they more senior or less and no one thinks any the worse of them. One thing that is important is that asking questions does not reflect badly on job in fact it shows a willingness to ask for help and a willingness to learn

I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do, I like others would suggest exploring other options after discussing it with your doctor before moving on from the job. After that if it is not what you want you at least may have a better idea of your options
Again I hope everything goes well for you

dimal

Any physical work on fresh air would suit you. Gardening as example.

LegacyUser

Gmol wrote:

Again I hope everything goes well for you

Thank you

dimal wrote: »

Any physical work on fresh air would suit you. Gardening as example.

It's funny you should say that because I do actually feel better when I do outdoor work; clearing out the garage, doing some weeding, cutting grass etc.
I don't get paid for it though. Doing it for a living isn't really an option I want to explore;I want to use the degree I worked so hard to get.

Agent_99

OP going by your daily routine sounds like your in a rut. Have you thought about taking up a sport to try and burn of the excess energy to help you sleep that would cut out the requirement for the sleeping pill and maybe lift your mood a little, a good walk/run releases feel good endorphins.

I hope that you can make it through this slump. Work to live !

LegacyUser

Agent_99 wrote: »

OP going by your daily routine sounds like your in a rut. Have you thought about taking up a sport to try and burn of the excess energy to help you sleep that would cut out the requirement for the sleeping pill and maybe lift your mood a little, a good walk/run releases feel good endorphins.

I hope that you can make it through this slump. Work to live !

I have been advised to exercise by my GP (just like you said;as an alternative to taking sleeping tabs). I intend to, I just need to get through this week.

Cla00

Hey I know what your going through and it's hell .. I suffer a lot with anxiety and depression for a number of years now . It seems to me when your in work your worrying about dealing with your boss and other work problems and when your outside work you worrying about your job and not given yourself a chance for a normal nights sleep your brain is in overdrive here from this constant worry .First of all you need to stop worrying outside of work .. I know it's Not as easy as it sounds but your just going to have to figure out how to do it .do something to take your mind off the stress .It's up too you on how you go about this .. Go to the gym , read a book ,watch a film.. meet up with some friends etc what ever you do try not to think about work and man give yourself a break you have to look after your mental health . Nobody is perfect so stop beating yourself up that I'm not good enough for this job I'm sure your just as capable as anyone else . There is no perfect job for people who suffer for anxiety . Don't go down the trap like I did 'if I did this job it will be a lot better ' . It's all about you and the way you handle your anxiety.so I would advise you to learn about anxiety and learn how to manage it . Diet is very important too and your physical fitness so work on that .You also got to realise your not the only one with these problems and they can be fixed .Hope it works out for you .

Fridge

Maybe do conservation volunteering at the weekends? I found it helped a bit.

LegacyUser

Cla00 wrote: »

Hey I know what your going through and it's hell .. I suffer a lot with anxiety and depression for a number of years now . It seems to me when your in work your worrying about dealing with your boss and other work problems and when your outside work you worrying about your job and not given yourself a chance for a normal nights sleep your brain is in overdrive here from this constant worry.

Yes that's exactly how it is with me too. I hate dealing with my boss; he's not an a*****e or anything it's just that I am a little intimidated by people in authority. I keep thinking to myself "He thinks I'm useless, I know he does".
I ruminate over every little mistake I make (or every one I think I might have made).
Then when the day is over I ruminate over the mistakes I might make tomorrow, or things that might go wrong tomorrow. Hence the broken sleep pattern and early waking.

Cla00 wrote: »

First of all you need to stop worrying outside of work .. I know it's Not as easy as it sounds but your just going to have to figure out how to do it .do something to take your mind off the stress .It's up too you on how you go about this .. Go to the gym , read a book ,watch a film.. meet up with some friends etc what ever you do try not to think about work and man give yourself a break you have to look after your mental health .

I have interests outside of work, I like to read and I love documentaries, GAA and soccer.
I used to go to the gym but I stopped when I got this bout of depression.
I subscribed to something online that shows you how to reduce anxiety. I've started taking Iomega 3 and Vitamin B tablets because I read that they are supposed to help reduce anxiety. I am reading a book on it too.

Cla00 wrote: »

Nobody is perfect so stop beating yourself up that I'm not good enough for this job I'm sure your just as capable as anyone else . There is no perfect job for people who suffer for anxiety . Don't go down the trap like I did 'if I did this job it will be a lot better ' . It's all about you and the way you handle your anxiety.so I would advise you to learn about anxiety and learn how to manage it . Diet is very important too and your physical fitness so work on that .You also got to realise your not the only one with these problems and they can be fixed .Hope it works out for you .

I know; the grass isn't always greener on the other side. It's easy to say "if only I'd got that other job instead of this one then I wouldn't feel like this". There might be some other problem with that job that I couldn't have foreseen. I have to try and deal with it but it isn't easy.
Today was my first day back after the week off. I was bricking it all yesterday evening and I woke at four this morning (of course) but it wasn't too bad. I didn't get tired at 3 pm like I was afraid I would. I suppose the week off did help a little.

Fridge wrote:

Maybe do conservation volunteering at the weekends? I found it helped a bit.

Thanks for that, I'll look into it.

shuffles88

I know where you're coming from op. I've been in a very similar position and nobody said this to me and I don't know if it will help you but I wish to god someone had said it to me before I worked myself up so much that I ended up out of work with stress related illness for a year and a half. It's overly simplistic but here it goes:

You know you better than anyone. If you aren't happy and you know what's causing it then change it.

I was afraid to be out of work just like you but when I got away from the situation that made me feel so bad, I was able to think more clearly. For me, I decided that a complete change in direction was what I needed and that's just what I'm doing. I had to knock it all down to rebuild it right.

Whatever you end up doing I wish you all the best and I hope you find a good balance between work and life, no one deserves to feel this way over something as simple as a job.

Mrs OBumble

barney_99 wrote: »

Yes that's exactly how it is with me too. I hate dealing with my boss; he's not an a*****e or anything it's just that I am a little intimidated by people in authority. I keep thinking to myself "He thinks I'm useless, I know he does".
I ruminate over every little mistake I make (or every one I think I might have made).
Then when the day is over I ruminate over the mistakes I might make tomorrow, or things that might go wrong tomorrow. Hence the broken sleep pattern and early waking.
...
Today was my first day back after the week off. I was bricking it all yesterday evening and I woke at four this morning (of course) but it wasn't too bad. I didn't get tired at 3 pm like I was afraid I would. I suppose the week off did help a little.

Glad to hear that your first day went well, hope it carrys on that way.

One suggestion: there is a type of counselling called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which can be helpful in teaching people to manage thought patterns that cause problems. Some friends have told me that they found it particularly helpful for anxiety-related issues. Now be very clear - I have no idea if it's suitable for you or not. But maybe you could talk to your doctor about whether s/he would recommend something like to this to specially help you break the negative thought cycles.

Greenmachine

I am wondering how long the OP is taking sleeping tablets. They do not appear to be helping the situation.

LegacyUser

I have been on sleeping tablets for about a month now; I only take half of one (10 mg Stilnoct). I don't take them at the weekend. I was on them for a couple of years about four years ago when I had a very bad depressive episode but I managed to give them up.
To the previous poster who suggested CBT; yes I have heard of it; my counsellor suggested it to me (when I had the very bad depressive episode).
I know what it is about; "training" your brain;afraid to say I never really got into it as I find it impossible to "train" my brain to think postive things about myself (I've trained it to do the opposite really well).
I am starting to get a bit wound up again now because an issue cropped up in work today that I can't resolve. I'll have to go emailing and ringing around tomorrow to see who can fix it for me. It's not a situation I feel I can accept for much longer. It's difficult for some people to understand; I've explained it to some people and they think I am being very hard on myself. I just want to do things myself, I didn't get as anxious during my last job because I could do it most of the time.
I also have another problem in that I can't stay in my flat (which is near where I work) as it heightens my anxiety. I live on my own there and I hate it. It was there I had the anxiety attack last Friday. I've been staying at my parents house and driving to and from work from there (about an hour and a half's drive each way).
I know I can't keep doing that but I am afraid I'll get really depressed if I stay in the flat.
I've been subconsciously preparing to quit my job by saving my money and I've stopped going out. Along with savings I actually have about 28 grand in all so if I quit that would keep me going until I get another (hopefully less demanding) job. I had hoped to save that money for something else though.
If I stay in the job I lose and if I leave the job I lose. I just wish I could get out of this situation and feel less pressure.
What I really want is for someone to say "hey look here's this job that specially for people with anxiety and depression. It's not that stressful, it doesn't pay well but it's enough to keep you going. Quit your job and it's yours".
I know; pie-in-the-sky stuff.

OneoOne1

Hey

Sounds verytough I've been there too.
Have a look at the below link. I found it very helpful

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057091324