Embrarassed over text

LegacyUser

Hey guys, really need some advice here, feel like such an idiot.

Long story short, met a guy out and he didn't really live up to what I thought he would. Was texting me at odd hours and when I pulled him on it, had stupid explainations. Didn't talk to him for ages as he stopped texting and I left it go. Wasn't going to go chasing him either. Not that sort of person.

I was disappointed but moved on. About two weeks later, he contacted me with an explaination about why he hadnt been in touch and so on. Ill be honest, I was so disappointed when he stopped contact so I gave him a chance, I said I wasn't happy with the low level of contact, but that I would like to meet up up properly on a proper date. He agreed for that time. But afterwards went back to the same. so I decided to be completely up front, I told him I hated being contacted in the early hours and that I was open to a proper date, but if he was in a mode of casual dating with no interest in seeing where it might go, that was fine and we could leave it there. No hostility, left it very general.

So he replied and said he was actually going to suggest the same, so I was happy out. Said I was free this week and went on my merry way with the idea that we would meet up. sure enough he texts by the end of the week, wishes me a good weekend which seemed promising. Fast forward to the start of this week and I hear nothing, I texted once just asking how he was. He was brief in his replies and no mention of meeting up.

Stupidly last night it just got on my nerves and I had a few drinks in. I was very drunk and I rant texted him saying how I felt he made no effort with me, and that I really thought he was genuine, I explained how I would have accepted if he said he wasnt interested but to keep lying to me and saying he was interested when he wasnt, was lousy.

Needless to say when I woke up this morning, the level of shame and embarassment on my part was high. I texted to just apologise for the rant and my reason for sending it and left it at that. He didnt and hasnt replied.

I am so embarassed and feel so low right now. I cant believe I did that. I was just so hurt and annoyed, I feel so ashamed of myself. He probably thinks Im crazy and Im not. I just was so pent up. Mortified to say the least. Cant seem to shake of this feeling right now and looking over my shoulder when Im heading out of the house just in case.

beks101

Listen, you have nothing to lose here. You might never see this guy again, and if you do, you can just say a polite hello and move on. You owe him nothing.

And is it really all that bad that you texted him without any filter, letting him know in no uncertain terms how you feel? You're disappointed and p1ssed off at his flakiness and empty promises - at least now he knows he definitely can't get away with it. Maybe your softly-softly approach didn't make that clear before.

And sure, maybe he'll throw you into his psycho-b1tch file-cabinet and totally dismiss the text; but equally, he might just take a look at it and do some thinking about his crappy behaviour and re-think strategy for the next woman he meets.

_dublinlad_

You shouldn't feel embarrassed. This guy knows well what he is doing. He knows you were interested, he knows he was playing you around, he knows he is not being genuine and he knows the late night texts were odd. All you did was finally point out to him how ****ty all of those things are. I say fair play. He should be the one embarrassed about how much of an asshat he was in his brief interaction with you.

LegacyUser

beks101 wrote: »

Listen, you have nothing to lose here. You might never see this guy again, and if you do, you can just say a polite hello and move on. You owe him nothing.

And is it really all that bad that you texted him without any filter, letting him know in no uncertain terms how you feel? You're disappointed and p1ssed off at his flakiness and empty promises - at least now he knows he definitely can't get away with it. Maybe your softly-softly approach didn't make that clear before.

And sure, maybe he'll throw you into his psycho-b1tch file-cabinet and totally dismiss the text; but equally, he might just take a look at it and do some thinking about his crappy behaviour and re-think strategy for the next woman he meets.

Thanks Beks, yeah I just feel like he's having a right laugh now or thinking I'm mental, but I guess I had enough, I had said I didn't like texts late at night when he couldnt even text or reply normally to me. And I feel I personally was very fair, I said what I was looking for, and gave him the chance to say he wasnt interested but no.......

I just feel very stupid right now.

LegacyUser

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

You shouldn't feel embarrassed. This guy knows well what he is doing. He knows you were interested, he knows he was playing you around, he knows he is not being genuine and he knows the late night texts were odd. All you did was finally point out to him how ****ty all of those things are. I say fair play. He should be the one embarrassed about how much of asshat he was in his brief interaction with you.

thanks Dublinlad, I think its because I was drunk that is upsetting me. I was very angry in my texts. Not verbally abusive by any means and there was no foul language or anything, but very angry, it was pretty much a dressing down and a lecture if I'm being honest.

Honey-ec

The only thing you did wrong was apologise for the text. He's been playing you all along and you had every right to call him out on it.

This guy is not going to change. He's not interested in pursuing anything serious with you. So look at the rant text as a form of catharsis, delete his number and move on.

Charlene_92

Darling, there is no need to be upset for letting him know how you feel, drunk or not! By the sounds of it, you have been more than fair to this man and he has lied back to you, stringing you along.

It's happened to me lots of times where I text guys, they promise the world and then...nothing! One a while back who I went on a date with, kept messaging me saying he couldn't wait for the second date, yet always was "busy" when it came down to meeting but would still message me. I think they just like having the female attention on call to them, must be some sort of ego-pumping mechanism!

So keep your head up chick! You handled this like a lady and told no lies. Be thankful you seen past his bull**** and that you can now move onto another man who genuinely wants to treat you well!

Merkin

His name doesn't begin with an E by any chance does it? Sounds very like a guy I had the misfortune to date a couple of times. He was Captain Flake from Flakesville. Non stop texts at inopportune moments (in the middle of the night) and being really full on. Then went suddenly awol. Then a week later contacted me to say his sister had to have an operation which I ignored as I really think this man's mental health was quite severely compromised and then for three years after he contacted me from time to time asking how I was (usually in the middle of the night) and asking would I like to see a picture of his willy.....seriously.

I think you showed remarkable restraint tbh. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, he should be the one hanging his head in absolute shame at his extreme levels of muppetry.

Block his number and be glad you haven't wasted more time on him......sheesh, some people just beggar belief! Don't be one bit embarrassed, seriously!

Carrie Madshaw

ashamedtonight22 wrote: »

thanks Dublinlad, I think its because I was drunk that is upsetting me. I was very angry in my texts. Not verbally abusive by any means and there was no foul language or anything, but very angry, it was pretty much a dressing down and a lecture if I'm being honest.

Aw don't be worrying yourself over a text where all you did was stand up for yourself. He sounds like a complete flake and even if he thinks you're nuts, why would you care. You know that you're not nuts so let him believe whatever he likes!

To be honest, it's actually very reasonable and logical what you did. Men (some!) tend to label women as 'phycos' way too easily and it's not fair.

He may even get back in touch in which case you should just respond politely but leave it at that. He doesn't sound like a great catch and you sound lovely.
It's the weekend, have a few drinks (no texting lol) and enjoy yourself. You might just meet someone else tonight;)

Catari Jaguar

Shame you did it after a few drinks... I think more people should be honest and communicative about how they feel, what they want and what they will/won't tolerate. Maybe if they all did we'd have a lot less personal issues in here...

LegacyUser

You did the right thing, don't feel embarrassed ! Trust me from personal experience your better off I hung around for 7 months with a man doing the exact same thing to me but eventually ye have to accept that if he really liked you nothing would stop him from making time to see you. His name began with H by the way hope it's not the same man! The mo is exactly the same !!!

Legs.Eleven

As Honey-ec said, the only part I would regret was the apology text. My heart sank reading that bit (I was congratulating you in my head when I read you sent the other texts).



If he classes you as a "psycho" for speaking your mind, then he's even more immature than he already comes off as in your story. I think you were well within your rights. Forget him and move on; you know in your heart of hearts that you were setting yourself up for plenty of head-wreaks getting involved with such a flaky individual.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much everyone for the lovely replies. I thought I was going to get slaughtered for texting it but it's nice to have friendly support. Yeah I know the apology text probably wasn't the best idea. It was more for me than for him that I sent that. I felt so embarassed by actions, I think I was justifying it by doing that. I didn't apologise out-right, I just explained my actions and I realise now, I shouldnt have done that either.

amtc

you poor thing,

I met a guy I liked earlier this year and we had great chats etc. but only ever called me at 10pm for that night. I went a few times, and then only because I managed to open his car door into another one and felt guilty - but after a while said to him to woo me etc. Got text straight back saying will make plans...never heard another word.

Don't regret your stand. VALUE YOURSELF

Oh and it shouldn't be that hard that soon.

stupidpiggy

No need to be ashamed hon!

The fact that the dynamic between you guys led you to a situation where you texted, regretted, apologised and now feel crappy about it because he hasn't had the courtesy to respond is all you need to know about where this "relationship" would have gone.

A guy who makes you feel like you are acting crazy is a guy you don't need in your life!

Good luck x