Bored after 2 years of marriage - is this normal?

IndieGirl

I married my other half just over 2 years ago, after 4 years together.
When he proposed I was so happy, we had a great sex life and were very much in love. In the year of us being engaged, our sex life slowed down a bit which I didn't take much notice of as we still had it regularly enough.

Anyway, just before we got married I started having little niggling doubts, just the usual cold feet I thought - I was only 23 and I was worrying that I was too young, maybe we should wait etc - I thought that it was normal to feel this way and we got married and here we are 2 years later.

Our sex life is now practically non existent.
The only time we have sex is when I've had a drink and then I don't enjoy it.
It's so boring, it's exactly the same every time and over in minutes.

I feel no physical attraction to my husband anymore and we've become that old cliche of being more like best friends than lovers. We love each other but not in love, all that kind of stuff.

I can't believe that I'm on this situation. I'm 26, sexually frustrated and just bored with life in general.

Because we got together at a young age, I missed out on all the clubbing, drinking, having a laugh with friends type of stuff you do in your early 20's and I want to do it now.
However, this kind of behaviour when you're married isn't exactly acceptable.

Neither of us want to have children, this was discussed before marriage so it's fine, my feelings haven't changed on this.
It does make me wonder what the hell we're going to do for the next 50 or 60 odd years together though when we're bored out of our brain after less than 3 years.

What I'm wondering is, do most married couples go through this?
I've heard of the '7 year itch' - we've been together for over 6 years now so maybe this is just a normal phase in any long term relationship?

I'd really appreciate responses from people who have experienced a similar situation.

Thanks for reading

MagicMarker

If I had a 23 year old daughter come to me and say she's getting married I'd tell her to cop on to herself. It's far far too young.

Op, no one here can tell you if you're marriage is over before it's started, but your situation is as common as muck among couples in long term relationships from an early age, and more often then not the relationship does not last.

maria34

23 is defo too young. I would travel the world and have parties.

LegacyUser

You were very young to get married, I know I've changed so much since that age - maybe you both have too. There's no shame in splitting up if you're not happy, I guess my only advice would be to really think about whether you've fallen into a boring routine; or is it that you've changed and are longer compatible. Give it a fair chance, but if you aren't feeling it, don't ruin the rest of your life by staying married to this man (as nice as he may be).

To answer your question, I don't know about 'normal', but it's a pretty bad sign after only 2 years of marriage

jdsk2006

Bloody hell......damn all good it is to now tell the girl she was too young to marry.
The vows have already been exchanged!!

Op are you expecting your husband/marraige to fulfill all your needs? Do you sit pondering on life as it passes you by or are you making things happen? What hobbies have you?
Boredom can set in at any age/stage but is easily counteracted. Remorse for a wrong choice is a whole other issue.....try to distinguish which is the actual problem.

Age is only a number. Go figure YOUR head out.

John Mason

OP, the first 2 years of marriage can be the most stressful, as you slowly realise this it forever. there is no escape, and you start to feel trapped.

Would you consider going to Accord and getting some couples counselling ?

if you google "first 2 years of marriage" you will find loads of articles discussing this problem

heretochat

I agree that there is very little to be gained in chastising the OP for getting married at the age that she did. She made a decision (as an adult).

Now it is a case of advising her in what she should do to deal with the issue she is facing.

I can only echo the call for her to attend marriage counselling with her husband.

LegacyUser

Do you have fun or laugh together?

pwurple

Age is just a number, and it takes two to tango. If you are bored, take some initiative and change things up yourself instead of waiting for him to do it.

My husband and I have been together since I was 23. I don't think there is anything unacceptable about going clubbing when married?

ShaShaBear

Sounds like you expect the husband to take the initiative here. You only have sex when you have had a drink? I'd assume that means it's the only time you make a pass at him.

Get a vibrator.
Watch some porn with him.
Re-enact each other's fantasies.
Try new positions.

Don't sit around and wait for your husband to fix it for you. You know what is wrong - take charge and fix it!

Honey-ec

IndieGirl wrote: »

Because we got together at a young age, I missed out on all the clubbing, drinking, having a laugh with friends type of stuff you do in your early 20's and I want to do it now.
However, this kind of behaviour when you're married isn't exactly acceptable.

Says who? You're in your mid-twenties and childless, why the hell wouldn't you be out clubbing drinking and having a laugh? And I mean you plural. What exactly is stopping you and your husband heading out with a group of mates at the weekend and having a ball? I find it very hard to believe that, at your age, all your friends are stuck in minding kids.

You're bored in your marriage because, by the sounds of things, you both think that being married = living like a middle-aged couple.

Carrie Madshaw

MagicMarker wrote: »

If I had a 23 year old daughter come to me and say she's getting married I'd tell her to cop on to herself. It's far far too young.

Op, no one here can tell you if you're marriage is over before it's started, but your situation is as common as muck among couples in long term relationships from an early age, and more often then not the relationship does not last.

How is this helpful to the girl in any way right now? It's like saying to someone with a bad hangover 'well, you shouldn't have drank so much'. Clearly she's aware of that and nobody needs Mr. Obvious pointing it out to her.

Retrospective advise helps no-one and only serves to make you feel like the big man who knows better.

Op, I was in a similar situation to yours except luckily we weren't married. He had wanted to marry me but at 20 I knew I was too young. We got together when I was 17 and it lasted 4 years. I felt I was missing out on life and what most people my age were doing. I felt really guilty for a long time and tried so hard to feel anything sexually for him but there was no getting it back.

Does he know how you feel?

JenEffy

Why couldn't you go out with your friends? Being in a relationship doesn't stop people from going out, drinking and having a laugh with their friends. Do you think you can't be yourself and do what you want while in a relationship? The only thing you can't do in a (monogamous) relationship is get off with other people. There's no rule that says married people can't go drinking.