best friend soon to be ex??? advice needed

corkgal1

Hi ladies this is my first post here!


I really need a bit of advice regarding someone i consider to be my best friend and need to know if in being biased or unreasonable.

Here goes.. my friend has been in and out of a relationship with here utterly useless partner and father of hee kids for the last few years he has been in prison for drug use and dealing something i am tottaly against and every time she takes him back.

After being away for him for a few months again because he walked out her her yet again for drugs even though she helped him when he just recently got out of prison by sourcing councillors and meetings etc I've discovered that she's taking him back. My issue at this stage is no 1 in sick and tired of mopping up her tears when he's gone ; not to mention listening to how heartbroken her kids are by there dad constantly disappearing; but in actually starting to feel its all her own fault she told me only three weeks ago that he was injecting hard drugs and yet here she is sleeping with him every one is talking about her. Do i confront her and tell her what i feel even though it will fall on deaf ears?? I do not want to call to her house anymore because the whole situation disgusts me. In just furious to be honest and at the same time in saying Its none of my business what she does because in not doing it. Im at a loss really

Amirani

Hi corkgal1, I'm moving your thread to Relationship Issues as it's more suited to that forum. Please read the forum charter there before posting.

Oryx

In the same way that you cannot help an addict (they have to want to help themselves) you cannot help your friend in this situation. Nor should you. The decision to continually take this guy back is hers, so she needs to face the consequences of that. One of those consequences is that you may no longer condone what she is doing, and she may lose you.

But love is blind, deaf dumb and often stupid, and she will probably accept losing you in order to keep the bad guy. You have to be ready for that. You do not need to be there for her the next time it all goes wrong, (even though, I know, thats what friends do), because youve been there for a long time, and you have got to the stage you cannot do that anymore. If you have decided enough is enough, then you can lift your hands away from the situation and simply not help her cockups anymore.

All you can do is tell her, though it may not go well. She relies on your friendship, and you're taking that away, she may be angry and upset, and blame you. I dont know if it is still possible to be part of her life while having nothing to do with him or the repercussions of his behaviour, but you can offer that to her, because god knows she may need you as a safety raft if at some point in the future she gets the courage to dump him for good. It would be good if you could keep communication open with her.

corkgal1

Thanks so much for the reply and yes i agree that i cant help her god knows I've tried she's already sacrificed relationships with her entire family for him so i know i don't stand a chance but at the same time in not selfish enough to expect her to choose. I've arranged to meet her Thursday and plan to tell her how i feel and i know she will agree with every word i say but just carry on anyway. In just going to make it clear to her that i will no longer call to her house and basically tell her i refuse to get a bad name like she has for him... lie down with dogs and all that. Its just i feel like a fool because every time someone badmouths her my family included i go and defend her and in sick of it

jdsk2006

Keeping quiet about your thoughts on her relationship is the best thing.
However in your shoes i would give her a stern warning as regards the kids being in the presence of a hard drug user. If the HSE are made aware of the dangers she is exposing her children to, they may well be removed from her care.

corkgal1

I probably should have mentioned that she is in fact a brilliant mother and has never put the kids in danger if i had any doubts in this regard i would not be her friend to be honest