What is a normal social life for couples?

LegacyUser

Hi
This might sound strange. Had some problems lately in my relationship and beginning to question things. I moved to my partners tiny tiny village in the west of Ireland. I ve made hardly any friends probably due to the fact there is no one left here! Another issues is it just seems to be the two of us all the time. He has family and friends here and it just seems to be we either meet people in the pub or we don't meet them at all. I ve stopped going to the pub so don't really meet anyone anymore. My boyfriend is involved in GAA so spends a few evening s a week at that and go out after matches etc but no one ever calls to our house and we never call to anyone elses house. Is this normal or are we loners? We go to a lot of social events so it seems like either a feast or a famine. Just seems strange?

tannytantans

I moved my husband to a small town and to be honest your social life sounds pretty like ours (maybe we're loners too!). The only visitors that would call in uninvited would be family members. We'd occasionally have friends call over for an hour or so but that only happens if we've invited them. Likewise we'd only visit family members unless we'd been specifically invited. Have you tried asking people to call in on a specific date/ time?

I go walking/to the gym with friends during the week and husband has joined a local GAA team so he would meet up with them for drinks occasionally. We mainly socialise at the weekends- going to friends houses for drinks or going out on the town.I'm not a big fan of pubs either but I find it's the best way to get everyone together for a meet up.

Do any of your partners teammates have girlfriends? Could be a good way for you to meet some new people and I always like having people to sit with at matches! Have you been living in the area long? It can take a while to settle down and to get to know people. Could you join some classes/ teams?

LegacyUser

Hi thanks for all the replies. ..
Ya I do go to matches and stuff. I find the women are nice to me etc but wouldn't call them friends. At home I pop around to my friends houses and we keep in contact during the week. None of these women would contact me outside of talking in the pub so I don't consider them as real friends more aquaintaces (spelling)? Im here over a year now. I just find it find it strange my boyfriend knows everyone.. but it all seems to revolve around GAA or pub.. I miss being at home and calling to friends houses for drinks etc... I know people say to join clubs and I have but I just feel its not the same as sitting down having a cup of tea or a bottle of wine if your sitting room... we didn't go out this weekend so therefore we only talked to people we bumped into walking etc... I just think its strange. or is the way life is in rural Ireland when your in your early thirties?

Isthisnormal2

Isthisnormal2 wrote: »

Hi thanks for all the replies. ..
Ya I do go to matches and stuff. I find the women are nice to me etc but wouldn't call them friends. At home I pop around to my friends houses and we keep in contact during the week. None of these women would contact me outside of talking in the pub so I don't consider them as real friends more aquaintaces (spelling)? Im here over a year now. I just find it find it strange my boyfriend knows everyone.. but it all seems to revolve around GAA or pub.. I miss being at home and calling to friends houses for drinks etc... I know people say to join clubs and I have but I just feel its not the same as sitting down having a cup of tea or a bottle of wine if your sitting room... we didn't go out this weekend so therefore we only talked to people we bumped into walking etc... I just think its strange. or is the way life is in rural Ireland when your in your early thirties?

the problem is that your not actually from the town. your boyfriend is, so he knows people. he can go to the pub if he wants.
you need to make your own friends, join some local fitness club, pilates in the community centre, or aerobics in the hall, i dont know if u have kids, prob not, but if u do, then meet other mums at the school gate.
dont depend on your boyfriend, he is not under pressure at all to meet people, thats where he is from.
take the bull by the horns at meet some people he doesnt know. make a life for yourself!

Obliq

Isthisnormal2 wrote: »

Hi thanks for all the replies. ..
Ya I do go to matches and stuff. I find the women are nice to me etc but wouldn't call them friends. At home I pop around to my friends houses and we keep in contact during the week. None of these women would contact me outside of talking in the pub so I don't consider them as real friends more aquaintaces (spelling)? Im here over a year now. I just find it find it strange my boyfriend knows everyone.. but it all seems to revolve around GAA or pub.. I miss being at home and calling to friends houses for drinks etc... I know people say to join clubs and I have but I just feel its not the same as sitting down having a cup of tea or a bottle of wine if your sitting room... we didn't go out this weekend so therefore we only talked to people we bumped into walking etc... I just think its strange. or is the way life is in rural Ireland when your in your early thirties?

I'm in a similar kind of area OP, and at one time found it difficult to break through the barrier between people you get on with in the pub and people who you'd got to know and like well enough to call round to them or they drop into you. It's tough alright, and I think unless you are GAA orientated, it can be even more difficult for men.

In our village we have one or two people who are really motivated in helping neaten up the place, organising painting groups and flower planting, rubbish picking - also nature walks, etc. Is there anything similar going on in your town? It's a great way to actually get to know people outside of the bar........ditto with the school gates and your kids going visiting people's houses - that way you'll often stay for a tea yourself, and v/v which bridges that gap between knowing people a bit from the pub and having a chat in their house. If you've no kids though, that's not a runner!

How far away is the local shopping town? I've lived in this area for 20 years now, and one of my best friends locally lives there, who I got to know completely by accident in the vet's one day. Our shopping town has a fantastic community co-op that has loads of things going on to get involved with. It is worth making the effort to get out and get doing something that you think sounds even half way interesting, just for the purposes ofmeeting potential friends. I don't think I had a particular friend/group to visit for the first 5 years here. It does take time......and maybe longer because you often go out as a couple, and I was single at the time so kind of HAD to talk to everyone, or I'd be on my own altogether! Good luck!

wirelessdude01

I think a lot of people feel this way when they move into a new area until they have kids and then they make friends with other parents etc. Why doesn't the boyfriend invite the team and their ladies around for some end of season/team bonding drinks some night. That way it is kinda on your turf and you can be the hostess with all the acclaim.