Am I overreacting to something small

LegacyUser

Had a tiff with the boyfriend this morning over what I think is something small, and I can't believe that he got pissy about it in the first place, and I'd appriciate your opinion on who's being childish.

We have a dog. I feed the dog in the mornings during the week because I'm up earlier. Generally he will offer to feed them either Saturday or Sunday morning. This morning he came back to bed and said that it was very unfair of me to let him get up to feed the dog because I'd had to go to the loo anyway, and that I always got up and went to the toilet when he fed the dog in the morning, and I shouldn't let him do it if I'm going to get up anyway.

I thought that him offering to feed the dog was a nice gesture rather than something dependent on whether or not I needed a wee. I had to get up and come downstairs because I'm just so angry that he'd moan about getting up for five minutes. Am I overreacting?

wirelessdude01

He kinda has a point. If your going to get up anyway just give him a tap and say 'I have it this morning, I'm getting up anyway'. Obviously he has been thinking about this for a while as you getting up for the loo around the same time much be a regular occurance.

Brego888

On the scheme of things yes you are both overreacting to something extremely small

michellie

It comes across that you both think feeding the dog is a chore, which is fairly crappy.

meath4sam

Wait till you have children then you will know all about who's turn it is to get up.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the feedback.

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

He kinda has a point. If your going to get up anyway just give him a tap and say 'I have it this morning, I'm getting up anyway'. Obviously he has been thinking about this for a while as you getting up for the loo around the same time much be a regular occurance.

I'd get up and go to the loo, but I'm not Up-up, and I go back to bed after; I need a wee because I've just woken up, like most people do. I don't expect him or tell him to feed the dog. For example this morning I woke up, saw the time and I said "I'd better feed the dog" and he said "I'll do it". While he was downstairs I went to the loo and went back to bed. I feed the dog 6 days a week, weekdays I get up earlier so it makes sense for me to do it and at weekends I do it one day and am generally about to get up to do it on the other day when he offers to.

I guess that I'm just surprised that he'd say that, like I was being deliberately unfair. When I get up to feed the dog I honestly wouldn't notice or care if he went to the toilet while I was doing it. If he offered to get up and do the feeding and I got up anyway and started making my breakfast or something I'd see his point, but I feel that him getting like that over me having a full bladder after 8 hours of sleep is strange.

Hannibal Smith

Im siding with you op...otherwise you'll be feeding the dog every day!

Big Bag of Chips

Is he usually narky? If not just put it down to being a bit tired and grumpy this morning.

We all have mornings where everything seems like a chore or annoys us. Unless it's a regular thing I'd ignore it as just a bit of a moan.

Don't fall out for the rest of the day over it!

Candy_Girl

I couldn't help but laugh at your post...sorry

Yes you are overreacting and your bf suffers from moody mornings, don't go having kids anytime soon please Just stick to the arrangements you have for Saturday & Sundays, no exceptions...well unless it's his birthday

Sasa1

It's something small, but none the less it bothers you. So it's not something too small!!
If you feed the dog 6 days a week then I would hope he takes dog for walk etc and its not all one sided.

I feel sorry for the poor dog!

Maybe you could bring the dog food and bowl to the bedroom, easier and no more arguing!!! )

P. Breathnach

overacting wrote: »

... We have a dog...

Is that correct? Or is it really your dog?

op, who owns the dog? is it yours or his or do both of you own it?
seriously.
i have a dog.
i also have a brotehr that works 9 to 5 mon to fri. i work shifts.
if im not up, my brother feeds the dog and lets him out to pee. then iget up a little while later and bring him out for a walk, now my dog is very active and needs a walk, at least 45 to 60 mins before he settles down.
if its the weekend and my brother isnt up, then i know i need to get up and feed him, i can go back to bed for a while but i kno the dog is MY responsibility.

who had the dog first?
did ye get him together?
you need to sort this out, no one wantsto get up early when they are not working!!

BnB

If you and your bf fight over this then I'd advise you to break up immediately as neither of you are remotely mature enough for a relationship.

Mother of God.... What would happen if you had to deal with something worth worrying about ?

Hannibal Smith

BnB wrote: »

If you and your bf fight over this then I'd advise you to break up immediately as neither of you are remotely mature enough for a relationship.

Mother of God.... What would happen if you had to deal with something worth worrying about ?

What? Relationships usually contain fights over trivial stuff. It certainly not worth breaking up over....that would be emotionally immature.

matt-dublin

BnB wrote: »

If you and your bf fight over this then I'd advise you to break up immediately as neither of you are remotely mature enough for a relationship.

Mother of God.... What would happen if you had to deal with something worth worrying about ?

Worst advice ever!


If there's no arguments in relationships they would be boring, and the big plus to arguments is angry make up sex!!

OP I would side with your boyfriend but I wouldn't react the way he would. At the end of the day you are getting up anyway despite the fact it's only a pee.

Does he come back to bed after feeding the dog?

I would leave it at whoever's off the pillow first feeds the dog. It's likely to be you but you can use this to get him to compromise when you're doing something else you feel he should be doing.

JustAThought

Its your dog.

Get up and feed your dog; it's your responsibility.

Stop expecting somebody else to do it for you.

Poor dog - first thing in the morning & not a bit of affection or a pet or play after its been alone all night - resentment & a fight : (

sbsquarepants

My thoughts on the matter is who gets out of bed to feed a dog? You're up early during the week so you feed the dog before you leave, no problems there - at the weekend feed the damn dog a bit later, it won't starve in the hour or 2 you sleep on!

Potatoeman

sbsquarepants wrote: »

My thoughts on the matter is who gets out of bed to feed a dog? You're up early during the week so you feed the dog before you leave, no problems there - at the weekend feed the damn dog a bit later, it won't starve in the hour or 2 you sleep on!

Why not feed him when you have dinner?

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for all the advice on what is a really very trivial matter.

So he got up late, around 1pm, then took himself off into town without so much as a word of where he was going. I thought he was going to the corner shop, but when he didn’t come back for hours I texted him asking where he was and was told ‘in town’. When he eventually came back he avoided me until dinner. After dinner we discussed what would happen and he said that my getting up to go to the toilet was ‘like I was throwing his gesture back in his face’, which I have to say took me aback. I asked him if he thought I noticed, or would care, if he went to the toilet while I was feeding the dog, which he didn’t have an answer for. Anyway it ended with me telling him “Fine. Whatever. Forget about it. I’ll do it from now on.” Which could only come off as petulant and stroppy, but what else could I say? I’m not about to lie in bed when I need the loo just so he can feel he did something nice. Anyway, it doesn’t appear to have been good enough because there was a frosty silence until he took himself back off to his mancave to do whatever. I think it pissed him off that I apologised for being tetchy about it in the morning, but not for the perceived slight. I didn’t know that he had a problem with it and, frankly, I don’t see it as something to have a problem about.

There are a couple of things I held back on saying because they probably wouldn’t have helped, like the fact that I find his behaviour very childish. It’s obviously coming from some pent up frustration or resentment over this, but to me it’s like someone who made a lovely and appreciated dessert claiming that it’s insulting that people went on to have biscuits with their coffee, and that they’d never have made the dessert if they’d known people were just going to eat biscuits anyway.

Another is that if he offers on the expectation I’ll turn him down because I need the loo when I wake up, then it’s not really offering. It’s paying lip service, and I’d prefer that he just not offer at all. That kind of offer isn’t what you do with your partner, imo, it’s what you reserve for people you hardly know, the ‘you must come round for dinner’ that’s given to a colleague you find out lives near you.

And finally, yes, it did make me wonder what will happen when we have kids. They tend to want to get up at the crack of dawn, so does that mean that I’ll be left getting up at daybreak 7 days a week for years because needing a wee upon waking means I’m ‘up anyway’, and he likes a lie in?

I’ll have to talk about this stuff with him.

bubblypop wrote: »

op, who owns the dog? is it yours or his or do both of you own it?
seriously.
i have a dog.
i also have a brotehr that works 9 to 5 mon to fri. i work shifts.
if im not up, my brother feeds the dog and lets him out to pee. then iget up a little while later and bring him out for a walk, now my dog is very active and needs a walk, at least 45 to 60 mins before he settles down.
if its the weekend and my brother isnt up, then i know i need to get up and feed him, i can go back to bed for a while but i kno the dog is MY responsibility.

who had the dog first?
did ye get him together?
you need to sort this out, no one wantsto get up early when they are not working!!

Technically speaking it’s my dog as I got it before I got together with OH, but after 5 years I would have thought that the line between ‘mine’ and ‘ours’ would have become unimportant.
Since I’m up earlier in the week of course it makes sense for me to feed the dog, expecting him to get up would be ridiculous. As I said to him yesterday I viewed him offering to feed them one day a week as a symbolic gesture of sharing the responsibility of feeding the dog; that, all things being equal, it’s a task that would be split 50/50. If he didn’t offer I wouldn’t make him do it.

sbsquarepants wrote: »

My thoughts on the matter is who gets out of bed to feed a dog? You're up early during the week so you feed the dog before you leave, no problems there - at the weekend feed the damn dog a bit later, it won't starve in the hour or 2 you sleep on!

I'm awake at around the usual dog-feeding time simply because it’s my routine to, I might go over by half an hour or so, but generally it’s at around the same time. I'm not going to roll over and go back to sleep when it only takes 3 minutes to go down, give the dog food, go to the loo, let the dog back in from the garden, and go back to bed.

Dogs are also creatures of habit. They can tell when it’s dinner or breakfast time with uncanny accuracy. If I leave her for a couple of hours the dog could pee on the floor, since her regular ‘breakfast and wee’ time has come and gone. Even if she didn't I don’t think I could wake up and just roll over knowing that she was down there expecting me.

And the people telling me not to have kids; Ye must just have fairytale relationships if ye've never had a cross word over something trivial.

Hannibal Smith

Sometimes you're better off not saying what you think in the heat of the moment. Certain actions can taint how you view your partner, but its only temporary. The important thing is you have to clear tge air and not let it hang in the air or you'll never move forward.

The point is if its trivial enough to you, get up and feed the dog at weekends. Is there something else behind it? Do you both pull your weight equally with the chores and running of the house. ..or is it absolutely just about the dog? If so just do it yourself, forget what I said previously, its just not worth having him stropping around the place.

MJ23

A small problem really. What I'm asking is, why is the dog in the house? Who cleans up the presents in the morning?

cocker5

MJ23 wrote: »

A small problem really. What I'm asking is, why is the dog in the house? Who cleans up the presents in the morning?

why is the dog in the house? are you being serious???
Lots of dogs live indoors "as part of the family"... :rolleyes:

Presents?? again are you actually serious?
have you ever heard of a dog thats toilet trained???

Anyway OP in all honesty you were both probably tired and grumpy...
and IMO you both over reacted...

We have a dog and whoever is up first regardless of who needs to go to the toilet etc... lets our dog out and feeds him at the same time...

Its just one of those days where you both overreacted.. and he's grumpy we all them....

This discussion is not about whether the dog is a house dog, thanks

Potatoeman

Sounds like its your dog though. If you broke up tomorrow who would get him? He might have offered to do this but resents the fact hes losing his weekend liein. If getting up is an issue why did you not feed the dog at dinner time when you are eating?

Faith

Potatoeman wrote: »

Sounds like its your dog though. If you broke up tomorrow who would get him? He might have offered to do this but resents the fact hes losing his weekend liein. If getting up is an issue why did you not feed the dog at dinner time when you are eating?

Because it's normal practice to feed a dog twice a day.

You've gotten good advice so far, OP. It is a small issue but I do think you feel it's representative of future issues, which it may well be. Perhaps in a few days, when things have cooled down, it would be a good springboard for a discussion about responsibilities around the house, and the fair division of them. You can discuss what will happen when you have kids etc.

LegacyUser

Potatoeman wrote: »

Sounds like its your dog though. If you broke up tomorrow who would get him? He might have offered to do this but resents the fact hes losing his weekend liein. If getting up is an issue why did you not feed the dog at dinner time when you are eating?

For the same reason you don't eat 24 hours worth of food in one sitting: energy levels are better when food is distributed over the course of the day.

Faith wrote: »

Because it's normal practice to feed a dog twice a day.

You've gotten good advice so far, OP.

I certainly have.

It is a small issue but I do think you feel it's representative of future issues, which it may well be. Perhaps in a few days, when things have cooled down, it would be a good springboard for a discussion about responsibilities around the house, and the fair division of them. You can discuss what will happen when you have kids etc.

That's a good idea.

Thanks for all the help and advice everyone.