How can you learn to trust a new partner after a big betrayal?

LegacyUser

Hi,

So to keep things short, I was with my partner for 3 years. I knew for a long time that he had cheated early on (first few weeks), and then had slept with his "ex" around January while we were broken up briefly. We broke up a few weeks ago for a number of reasons, I ended it. However, we were talking and hopeful to sort things out. So I was a bit surprised when I stumbled across a picture on Facebook of his newborn baby! That's a whole can of worms to get into but what I want to know is how does one learn to trust again?

My ex fiance also cheated on me. We had been together 4 years, he cheats, we break up. Then after around 8 months, I meet this guy, and end up wasting 3 years with him. I really don't see how I can trust any other man, even in time??

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

No_Hope

No_Hope wrote: »

Hi,

So to keep things short, I was with my partner for 3 years. I knew for a long time that he had cheated early on (first few weeks), and then had slept with his "ex" around January while we were broken up briefly. We broke up a few weeks ago for a number of reasons, I ended it. However, we were talking and hopeful to sort things out. So I was a bit surprised when I stumbled across a picture on Facebook of his newborn baby! That's a whole can of worms to get into but what I want to know is how does one learn to trust again?

My ex fiance also cheated on me. We had been together 4 years, he cheats, we break up. Then after around 8 months, I meet this guy, and end up wasting 3 years with him. I really don't see how I can trust any other man, even in time??

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

you have just seen a facebook picture of his newborn baby born in the last few weeks, is this right?

i wouldnt for a second even dream of getting back with him!! he has a newborn that you found out about on FACEBOOK??? seriously???

bye bye, wouldnt give him the time of day.

seosamh1980

bubblypop wrote: »

you have just seen a facebook picture of his newborn baby born in the last few weeks, is this right?

i wouldnt for a second even dream of getting back with him!! he has a newborn that you found out about on FACEBOOK??? seriously???

bye bye, wouldnt give him the time of day.

She's asking how will she trust a new partner in the future, not this one.

seenitall

Hi OP,

I know it's a cliche, but time is a great healer. Don't underestimate it.

What happened to you this year was a big betrayal, what with your ex not divulging he was going to be a father soon!

But now at least you are done with him, and you can turn to your own future. What I would advise you to do is try and relax, and mind yourself, do the things you take interest in and that you enjoy, without a thought of men. Love yourself for a while.

Once you do this, the rest will take care of itself. You will meet someone again in due course, and you will trust him. We all want to give our trust when we fall in love; it's almost inevitable that we do. So don't worry about that.

Hopefully you will take even more from your past relationships, perhaps the type of guy you used to fall for wasn't the best and there is a chance you can change that around too. Mull it all over.

Just don't jump into anything rashly or force your feelings. Give yourself time to heal, and give any potential new relationship time to grow once things start rolling again.

Best wishes.

December2012

I think if you learn to trust yourself you will stop blaming others for the behaviour of your exes.

seosamh1980

seosamh1980 wrote: »

She's asking how will she trust a new partner in the future, not this one.

oh right!!!
my bad:(
read this completely wrong!

its like anything else in life OP, you cant judge people by people in your own past. you probably dont do this already.
be wary by all means, but just be open. you know what things feel like when they are wrong, you will know how they feel when it seems right.