Christmas - divorced parents..

LegacyUser

Just wondering for those of you that are separated, what are your plans for xmas with your child/children?

I've had my child the last two Christmas's, so the dad will have his son this xmas, and I'm dreading it.......I'm scared, he lives a bit away, so I will take him there, and stay in the area with friends for the xmas but I can't help but think I want to see my son too on xmas day, even though his dad didn't see him xmas day the last 2 years so in a way it's only fair but I believe my son will want to see me xmas day.
Also, Santa gifts......I would like to see him open them, see his reaction, be there, embrace it...but where? Where or how can I do this? If my ex, my son's dad will have in his house with his family...
Do I have to just totally avoid xmas day with my son?
Like my ex did last two years........
He's a lot stronger that me........
I shudder the thought of not seeing my son on xmas day....

What is the norm for you on xmas day if separated in similar situation?

RubyGirl

Why don't you tell him that Santa will leave present's at both house's and he will open the Santa presents with Dad on christmas day and with you on Stephen's Day or whenever you have him back. Ring him on Christmas morning to say hi and try then to enjoy your day. Is your ex in a relationship and have other children. What age is your son?

Penny Dreadful

whattodowhattodo wrote: »

Just wondering for those of you that are separated, what are your plans for xmas with your child/children?

I've had my child the last two Christmas's, so the dad will have his son this xmas, and I'm dreading it.......I'm scared, he lives a bit away, so I will take him there, and stay in the area with friends for the xmas but I can't help but think I want to see my son too on xmas day, even though his dad didn't see him xmas day the last 2 years so in a way it's only fair but I believe my son will want to see me xmas day.
Also, Santa gifts......I would like to see him open them, see his reaction, be there, embrace it...but where? Where or how can I do this? If my ex, my son's dad will have in his house with his family...
Do I have to just totally avoid xmas day with my son?
Like my ex did last two years........
He's a lot stronger that me........
I shudder the thought of not seeing my son on xmas day....

What is the norm for you on xmas day if separated in similar situation?

I feel for you I really do. My sister is divorced and has had to go through this for a number of years now and it was hard on her. She spent the day with friends and had the kids back on St. Stephen's Day and had some Santa presents there too and did the whole special dinner again. She didn't cook turkey but asked the kids (she has 3) what they'd love to have and made a big deal out of that day and that dinner.

tony1980

I have a son from a previous partner, he is 11 now. I have always had him on St.Stephans day and Santa has always left pressies at both houses. I know it is not the same but there was no way I was never experiencing him opening his Santa pressies, it is lovely to watch and I am a big kid at heart, so I love it!!

Now that I am married and I have a little boy who is 19 months old, I would find it very hard to seperate from him for xmas day. I had never lived with my other son but saw him every weekend, so I suppose it was a little easier to not see him on xmas day and have him all to myself on St.Stephans day as I was used to him not staying with me. It is tough but if they have a good relationship, it will mean the world to his Dad who will most likely really appreciate you doing that for him.

Edit: I also done a Big Xmas dinner every St.Stephans day when I got my son, It was a second Xmas day for him, he also had his Nana and Grandad and Aunts and Uncles calling up to see him and more presents, he loved it!!

wobblyknees

I hope you appreciate my honest opinion on this. I am a father and separated from my ex after 9 years so can understand exactly where you are coming from. From my perspective, I stopped placing so much importance on big celebrations like xmas. I genuinely have a very relaxed attitude to these things and try to pass that on to my own kids. In the beginning when I was separated I got myself so worked up about seeing the kids, presents, and everything else on a particular day, time etc. What I came to realise is that it doesn't actually matter because as long as the kids are happy and enjoying themselves, who cares? I now know that there is no need to place so much weight on one day being a big success because the reality for me is that it is a ridiculously expensive and overhyped day that completely unbalances the expectations kids should have and to be honest, I don't really like the lessons the "modern" xmas teaches kids. My advice would be to take a step back and think what is most important. Does one day really matter that much? Really? Out of 365 days of the year, why are you so afraid of 1 day? You obviously care about your kids but try to look at things differently, plan out all your days over xmas so you know what is going to happen. Make every day you are off/with the kids "christmas" in some way and spread things out more. Maybe, make a new tradition of opening a present on xmas eve, new years eve or little xmas. Break the tradition that has you upset and lift the burden on yourself. I hope this helps.

Sleepy

How's your relationship with your ex?

My step-son's Dad has spent the night with us every Christmas Eve for the past few years so that he can be there for Santa presents in the morning. We all go around to his parents after breakfast for mince pies / bucks fizz (or tea for me as the designated driver for the day) and then myself, my wife, my step-son and my daughter all leave for dinner at either my wife's or my mother's house. It probably wouldn't be possible if my wife and her ex weren't still friends (or indeed if I didn't consider him a good friend) but it works very well for us and, tbh, I'm quite proud to have suggested the idea to my wife a few years ago. I know it means the world to my step-son's Dad to be there for the morning and we usually all enjoy a few beers on Christmas Eve together before playing Santa

Oral Slang

Sleepy wrote: »

How's your relationship with your ex?

My step-son's Dad has spent the night with us every Christmas Eve for the past few years so that he can be there for Santa presents in the morning. We all go around to his parents after breakfast for mince pies / bucks fizz (or tea for me as the designated driver for the day) and then myself, my wife, my step-son and my daughter all leave for dinner at either my wife's or my mother's house. It probably wouldn't be possible if my wife and her ex weren't still friends (or indeed if I didn't consider him a good friend) but it works very well for us and, tbh, I'm quite proud to have suggested the idea to my wife a few years ago. I know it means the world to my step-son's Dad to be there for the morning and we usually all enjoy a few beers together before playing Santa

Yeah, if you have a reasonably good relationship, I'd hope that the dad would allow you to nip over & say happy christmas & see the child open the presents. That might be a bit harder for you to then say goodbye afterwards though, so mightn't work.
I've a different perspective on this, as my parents lived in the same house as a separated couple for my childhood. They only divorced when we were adults & now they spend christmas day together, so we don't have to pick sides.
I know your other half didn't see his child on christmas day the previous 2 years, but maybe you could agree that from here on in, you can both see the child on christmas morning, if he'd like that also. I know myself, I couldn't bear to be separated from daughter at special occasions, so can only imagine how hard it must be.
Christmas Day is celebrated in a lot of countries on the 24th of December, so you could always just start celebrating that too!

clones1980

Op fair play to you. Your a better woman than I am. I am a single mum to a 23 month old boy. This will be his third xmas coming. His dad wanted him Christmas eve/day last year and I said no way. I told him if he wanted him he could collect our son anytime after 4 o'clock on Christmas day (he lives 2 hours away) but I told him he wasn't having him Christmas eve or Christmas morning. I don't spend the full year raising my son to miss out on seeing his wee face xmas morning. Now I had given his father the option of spending xmas morning with him at my house. Also my friend and her ex had to go to court to arrange maintenance / access etc and the judge said no child should be taken from there "full time home" on Christmas day. So that's how I feel about it. With regards santa presents. Santa left his presents at my house. Then he went to his daddys house and got all the auntie and uncle, grandparents presents there. PS. My ex is happy that he will be getting him from 4 on this Christmas - so id suggest something like that, then at least you both see your child Christmas day.