Catch 22 with alcohol and sex

LegacyUser

Feels weird admitting this to a bunch of random people on the internet but anyway I've got a problem that's affecting my quality of life. I'm an anxious guy by nature and have been since I was 14. I'm 24 now and have only ever had sex with one girl. The annoying thing is though, it's not through lack of opportunities. Basically, any time I get the confidence to talk to a girl, I have at least 5 beers on me. I've been single for the last year after a LTR that lasted over 4 years, and have ended up in bed with at least 5 different girls in that time. But I haven't been able to do the deed with any of them - I've always had trouble getting an erection with drink on me. I'm not sure how common this is with other lads, but literally any other guy I know says they have no problem having sex while drunk. I'm really open with friends and have admitted the problem and they tend to take the p*ss over it. It's got to the stage where I won't even attempt sex with a girl when I'm drunk because of my problem, which leads some of them to question my sexuality, and even I have questioned it sometimes.. But here's the catch 22 - I never have the balls to talk to girls unless i'm drunk so it's kind of a vicious circle that's really getting me down. I honestly sometimes think I'll never be able to have sex again, as strange as that may sound for someone of my age.

LegacyUser

How much it affects people varies from person to person, but everyone's heard of 'whiskey dick'. When it comes down to it, it's a chemical/physiological reaction so it's not something you can really do anything about. Working on your confidence while sober is the only thing you can do (easier said than done I know).

baby and crumble

Well first off your mates are kinda dickish for slagging you.

Secondly, as far as I know it's fairly common for brewers drop to happen (full disclosure I'm never with men, so I have no personal experience!!!). But the problem now is going to be that you're expecting it not to happen, and so it's a self fulfilling prophecy. Obviously you weren't always drunk when you and your last gf were together.

My advice is try and slow down on the drinks. It's false confidence it gives you. It's just as easy to talk to girls without drink. You just need to go for it. What's the worst that could happen? And try not I get hung up on having sex at the end of the night. If you try too hard it won't happen.

And this may be an unpopular bit of advice, but if you do find yourself in that situation again- in bed with a girl, few drinks, no movement- just say "feck it" and concentrate on her, 100%. It'll show both yourself and the girl that you do find her attractive, and that you still have the necessary skills. Who knows, you might find that taking that time to get the girl off that things start happening for you too.

ivytwine

I agree with baby and crumble, by focusing on the girl and her needs you're taking the pressure off yourself somewhat and while you're concentrating on that something may, ahem, pop up.

I wouldn't take any notice of what your friends say, I'd say most of them have experienced it at one time or another, especially when drunk. Sounds like they're trying to sound like studs, when in all fairness, they're only human :P

From a girl's point of view, it's pretty normal for a guy to struggle while drunk. I'd say most girls would be understanding of that issue and one who isn't isn't really worth your time/or is going to have a very disappointing sex life. We know that sometimes it doesn't happen. Life isn't like porn!

More worrying to me is the reason why you drink so much, because you can't talk to girls? Is it all girls, or just the ones you're attracted to?

Why are you putting women on a pedestal? They're just people, regardless of whether you want to sleep with them or not. You need to relax and take it easy. Obviously women find you attractive, so why not go with it and see where it leads? This stuff is supposed to be fun

Overheal

Sounds to me that by the very definition you have a problem with alcohol. There's nothing wrong with a drink until it starts to negatively impact your life. Perhaps growing up you never developed real confidence, but either way I suggest in the most emphatic terms you learn how to function of your own accord, without the help of any given substance. You're more than capable, you just don't know it is all.

December2012

Next time you meet a girl, take it slow sexually. Try to switch to a non alcoholic beer for a round or two.

Then when it comes time to do the deed focus solely on giving her head / massage / using your fingers.

Then have penetrative sex in the morning.

The_Valeyard

Reduce the booze, cover the stump, enjoy the hump.