How much is too much?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone. I'm a regular poster but don't want to post under my own name for obvious reasons!

Ok, so I'm a female in my early 30's. I'm in a long term relationship with another woman, and it's good. Very happy and stable except for a lack of sex, which has roots in something that happened years ago, which my gf is working through (or at least trying...). Anyway, I just wanted to know how much other women think about sex? I mean I know I'm not getting much sex, nor much sexual feeling from my gf at the moment, so I suppose it's natural I'd think about it more than the usual. I just end up sometimes feeling like I'm abnormal for thinking about sex, and getting 'turned on' so much. Like, I 'sort myself out' most days, and would usually have sexual thoughts twice or three times an hour... is that a lot? I can't really judge against my GF, because she doesn't really get aroused on think about sex at all, apparently.

Thanks for any feedback.

judgefudge

I think everyone is different. Men and women, women and other women etc. i wouldn't consider yourself abnormal unless it's affecting your ability to live a happy and productive life. Personally I go through phases where I'd be like yourself, then at other times I could have no interest. It kind of depends how stressed out I am by other aspects of my life.

pharmaton

Is your gf getting help working through her past op? I wouldn't think about sex all that much during the day but I'm not in a relationship and I'm usually preoccupied with the mundane. (and I'm rarely ever alone) Because you are with someone you tend to think about it more and the intimacy leaves you wanting. If anxiety is at the root of her issues there are lots of different methods and exercises that you both can try to help her reconnect, do some research in sensate focus, invest in some reading material and share your findings with each other, if nothing else you will develop a greater sense of your own sexual needs and how you can express it.

As it is, I know a lot of female couples in ltr where sex doesn't rate very highly so it appears to be a fairly common aspect of them. just ime.

LegacyUser

Thanks fr the replies guys. its been something that's been an issue on and off- she had some bad experiences before we got together which make her freak out sometimes around sex and sexual issues. So this isn't a new thing in our relationship, it's just that i seem to be increasing my sex drive (like i said, early 30's) and it's getting very frustrating. But I was wondering how other women were around this, whether that there was something weird about the fact that i like and want sex and sexual affection so much. It's started to impact my confidence too, that she never really wants to start anything herself, and the slightest thing can trigger her to have really bad flashbacks, so i get paranoid i'll do something wrong... I want to find a way to control my drive so that I don't put so much pressure on her, and also find a way to feel good about myself...

beks101

I think you sound perfectly normal. Don't forget, a good sex drive is a sign of health - so going without as you are, and being of a fertile age, of course it's on your mind frequently.

I have to say though if I was in your situation - in a relationship and presumably sleeping in the same bed as someone I love and am attracted to, and yet unable to have sex with - I'd be pretty damn sexually frustrated. Obviously she has issues to work through and as her partner it's your job to be supportive, but in the mean time I wouldn't hold back on being open with her about how you're feeling - I guess it's her job to support you right back similarly. Hopefully you can both embrace a healthy, regular sex life again soon.