Scared of relapse

lukesmom

I spent 3 months in a deep depression where I stayed in a psychiatric unit for a month. I have been well now since mid august. I attend the psychiatrist every fortnight. I'm just scared of relapsing back to that awful place I was in. My psych doctor thinks psychology sessions would help me to rationalise and overcoming this fear. Only problem is I'm even afraid to talk about it in detail as it as I might get sick again. I know how stupid this might sound but when you have been suicidal and away from your children trying to get better it's always there in the back of your mind, the fear of relapsing. I honestly can't believe I went through all that and kept my life and my sanity. Yes I'm well again, after months of trying different meds they finally found one that helped my treatment resistant depression enormously. I'm just settling back into normal life. Yesterday while I was sorting clothes out I came across the hospital bag I used for the psychiatric ward and it made me feel sick to think I could ever end up back there. Just wondering if others have ever felt this way and would you recommend psychology. I told the doctor I want to try a different psychologist as the one I saw when I was very sick at the time I associate her with me being sick and very anxious with depression. My doc said she understands and agreed to appoint a male psychologist. Thanks for reading this if you managed to get to the end

Rosier

lukesmom wrote: »

I spent 3 months in a deep depression where I stayed in a psychiatric unit for a month. I have been well now since mid august. I attend the psychiatrist every fortnight. I'm just scared of relapsing back to that awful place I was in. My psych doctor thinks psychology sessions would help me to rationalise and overcoming this fear. Only problem is I'm even afraid to talk about it in detail as it as I might get sick again. I know how stupid this might sound but when you have been suicidal and away from your children trying to get better it's always there in the back of your mind, the fear of relapsing. I honestly can't believe I went through all that and kept my life and my sanity. Yes I'm well again, after months of trying different meds they finally found one that helped my treatment resistant depression enormously. I'm just settling back into normal life. Yesterday while I was sorting clothes out I came across the hospital bag I used for the psychiatric ward and it made me feel sick to think I could ever end up back there. Just wondering if others have ever felt this way and would you recommend psychology. I told the doctor I want to try a different psychologist as the one I saw when I was very sick at the time I associate her with me being sick and very anxious with depression. My doc said she understands and agreed to appoint a male psychologist. Thanks for reading this if you managed to get to the end

My heart and my prayers go out for you. This fear is totally understandable, and the hope is that expressing it so well and fully will help you to cope with it.

Been where you are so understand the fear and worse for you as I had no children indeed no family.

With me it was a misdiagnosis so in fact nothing ever helped until that was set right. This taught me not to trust medics unconditionally and I came t terms with my illness and learned to live with it and within it; that for me is the real gift and art of coping. Should a relapse happen, then you WILL cope and you WILL come through it as you did before. Be sure of that.

Stay safe and each day is a gift and a treasure

Rosier

Lukesmom; are you OK please?

lukesmom

Rosier wrote: »

Lukesmom; are you OK please?

I am and thanks for your reply, it helps to know I'm not going mad and it's normal to have this fear. I'm going to throw out the hospital bag and anything I associate with it. I think this will help me. Thanks again.

Rosier

lukesmom wrote: »

I am and thanks for your reply, it helps to know I'm not going mad and it's normal to have this fear. I'm going to throw out the hospital bag and anything I associate with it. I think this will help me. Thanks again.

lol! Well done...

Someone once gave me the acronym FEAR.. False Evidence Appearing Real.. says so much does it not...

Fear like this is often just echoes of suffering that has passed. I know now that if something difficult happens after mid afternoon ( when my energy fades) I go off at the deep end but if I can leave it until morning it all looks different.

Which is why I am rarely online after NOW!

lukesmom

Having a crappy day mood is low but I didn't get a good sleep so that doesn't help

Mam of 4

lukesmom wrote: »

Having a crappy day mood is low but I didn't get a good sleep so that doesn't help

Not much help I know but hopefully if you get some rest tonight and hopefully some sleep, things might seem a little better in the morning. Try have a bath and relax, it might help.

That was a very brave Opening post, Lukesmom.
None of it sounded stupid at all, I promise you. Im so sorry you had a bad day yesterday.

I too have been in psychiatric unit , and I can remember the fear and the embarrassment going in. I thought, this is it, I will probably never come out of here again. But, of course I did, I made it. I do often get thoughts in my head regarding 'What if' type scenarios, imagining going back in there.

I would certainly give some serious thought to the psychology sessions, I have done some myself. My mother died very suddenly a few years back, in a very traumatic way, and I spiralled into a very dark place.
I had some sessions with a psycologist and it really, really helped me. I had gotten to the point where I couldnt string a sentence together without breaking down. I also got some excellent bereavement counselling.
I think that when you are so scared of something, then try and consider all options presented to you. if they dont work, you can perhaps try something else. But the thing is, Something Will work.
Maybe put that bag from the hospital away in the attic or somewhere for a while, where you dont see it. Or, could you leave it out , maybe in your bedroom, and guess used to seeing it, and realise it is a badge of honour of some sorts. I mean, you went throught treatment, to save yourself, thats a pretty big dea, and you should try and take even a bit of pride in it. You know what I mean? Look at that bag, and say ' Yeah, ok, I was in that place, but Im back out now, and on the road to wellness.'

It will get easy for you, I promise.

if I can ever help, feel free to drop me a pm.
Take it easy, have a good day today, will be thinking of ye

lukesmom

Jake thank you so much for your reply I really do appreciate it. The bag has gone out with the bins today so I will never have to look at it again. It was my brothers 25th birthday on Friday his sudden death 2 yrs ago is a huge part of why I got so ill. I think the build up to the birthday made me feel a bit down. I'm ok today just going with the flow, I'm aware it'd there (the darkness) but I'm just going with it for now. I actually have appointment with the psych doctor tomorrow so she will probably set me up with the psychologist for counselling. Well done for getting through it yourself and yes the hospital is a pretty scary thing to look back on. I have to realise that I will have down episodes that doesn't mean I'm sick again, just human I guess.
Thanks again

You are more than welcome. I understand how how you are feeling, sudden deaths can be so shocking and traumatising,that we do retreat and go into a very dark place. It was my Mams anniversay this week too

But as I said, youve done the right thing, you got yourself some help,you're on your way back now girl:)
You already know that having a dark day dosent necessarily mean you are getting sick again,, thats a huge step in getting through it. Even those who have never had mental issues, have horrible days.

Good for you for throwing the bag out, hopefully all the bad memories will be gone with it.

We are all rooting for you.