I don't take care of my appearance.

LegacyUser

Well, the title may be a little overboard. I keep myself clean but other than that I put so little effort in... I look at other girls my age (twenties) and they are so beautiful and preened. I get jealous, even though its within my grasp.

I'm a slim, decent looking (no model but I attract guys apparently) young woman. All I ever wear are jeans. I'll wear skirts on nights out but I'm always dressed down in comparison to others. I drink pints. I wear barely any makeup (small bit of concealer and mascara in the morning). Luckily my skin is pretty good so I get away with this. My clothes are nearly all old and actually beginning to get holes and my fashion sense is just non-existent.

I'm beginning to think I can't get away with the student thrown together look anymore, and I really want to move towards looking more mature and feminine. I want to be taken seriously as a woman. I'm just hopeless when it comes to beauty and fashion, particularly footwear. I can't wear converse forever.

I know theres nothing wrong with dressing or acting as I have outlined above, but I just need a change and I don't have a clue where to start. If anyone has been through this any advice would be great.

I would have posted in lady's lounge or somewhere else but I wanted to be anonymous. Mods sorry if its in the wrong spot

araic88

Im fairly similar to you. I don't put a lot of effort into what I wear or applying makeup.
I do like clothes but don't really like shopping as much as most girls. What I do is look online at asos.com or websites of brands I like. Sometimes I order online but more often it just gives me an idea what I'd like to Get & where I could find it. Also I try to buy decent quality clothes so they look well/last for longer.

Froggy123

Tbh I see nothing wrong with just wearing jeans and I really only ever wear makeup on a night out, but if you want to try wearing girlies clothes and "dressing better", maybe consider getting a personal shopper or alternatively getting together with a friend and see what kind of looks appeal to you.

You seem similar to me in that you appreciate comfort! So in terms of footwear maybe get some flat boots for winter which could be teamed with skinny jeans and some of the skirts you own!

I think the most important thing though is to improve your confidence, if you think that is through your wardrobe start making small changes, such as buying a nice top and cardigan, and pairing it with your jeans. Maybe go through your wardrobe and stop wearing things you no longer like or stuff that no longer properly fits!! If you get rid of it, you can't wear it!!

Honey-ec

I never wear skirts either, OP - you don't have to dress like Jackie Onassis to be taken seriously as a woman. However, there's a world of difference between this and dressing like a complete scruffbag too.

So, first things first - chuck anything in your wardrobe that's past its best. You need to be absolutely ruthless here, so if you have a friend or sister who's going to have a more critical eye than you, recruit them to give you a hand. Wash any of your Cons that are looking a bit scruffy (wrap them in a pillowcase and do them with a load of towels) and chuck any that have holes, separation from the sole, etc.

Buy some new jeans - a good pair of dark-wash bootcuts, and two pairs of good skinnies - blue and black - will see you through a multitude. You need to try on as many pairs as possible and you need to spend money, particularly on the bootcuts. I recommend spending an afternoon in the denim bar of Brown Thomas or Arnotts. One decent pair of jeans is worth ten cheapy pairs, believe me. The most I ever spent on jeans was $200 on a pair of Citizens of Humanity. That was 8 years ago, and they still look and fit as well as they did when they were brand new. So don't balk at the price - the "cost per wear" figure is what really matters.

Shoes - I love my cons and skate shoes as much as the next girl, but there's a time and a place for them. Buy a couple of pairs of ankle boots - if you're not used to wearing heels, Cuban heels or wedges are a good place to start. Penney's have absolutely loads at the moment.

Finally, buy yourself a well-cut blazer and a few tailored tops in a selection of colours, and you have yourself the basis of a pretty solid smart-casual wardrobe. You can add dressier pieces to it then as you have the money/get more adventurous.

As for your make-up; well this can be a very contentious issue for some women. Personally, I have yet to meet someone who didn't look better with some make-up on than none at all, but some women will utterly refute that. If you're totally clueless about make-up, book into a counter somewhere for a lesson/demo. They usually cost about €25, but that's redeemable against any products you buy. At the very least, make sure your eyebrows are shaped - that alone can make a HUGE difference to how groomed someone looks. And obviously, make sure your hair is always brushed/neat.

And finally, imo, posture is the single biggest thing that can make a difference to how "together" someone looks. If you're slouching around like a teenage boy trying to hide the fact that he's a foot taller than the rest of his class, you're going to look a mess no matter how well put together your appearance is.

Anyway, sorry for the epic post, and best of luck!

LegacyUser

I love jeansy girls but you have to own it, if this is who you are. You shouldn't be comparing yourself to other girls and pressure yourself to do certain things, say certain things and wear certain things just because you think 'it's time'.

Focus on what you want and who you are and be the best 'you' that you can be. If that involves folding some new styles into the mix, then experiment away but don't think that it has to involve surrendering your true character. If you feel uncomfortable with certain things, you don't have to wear them.


PS I was chatting with a retired grandmother in her 60s yesterday who was wearing Converse. She was a funky lady!

Santa Cruz

Check out the various fashion websites and see if you can find a variety of combinations that you might like. I know men and women in the 30s/40s who have not moved on one bit from the student revolutionary look. As a man I always say that if going out it is easier to go to a function and find that you might be a little overdressed and do something about it (lose the tie,jacket) than go down dressed and find that you stick out like a sore thumb with your denims and sweathshirt and not able to rise the style

fits

I am like you as well. I really dont see the point of things like high heels and wear minimal make up these days if at all. I do have some nice dresses for occasions but otherwise I dress pretty casually.

Google capsule wardrobes and start building up some quality basic items, that are of good fabric and well cut, and that fit. I spend a lot of time in skinny jeans, chelsea boots and woolen jumpers or cardigans. These can be dressed up with scarves and jewellery. Scandinavian style is the type of look that might suit your outlook. I have a tweed blazer which makes any jeans based outfit look respectable. There are some lovely ankle boots around this year. I'd be buying a pair of tan or brown lace ups if I needed a pair which I dont.

Oh and get a regular good haircut.

Zen65

Froggy123 wrote: »

I think the most important thing though is to improve your confidence, . .

Confidence is a strange thing. There is a misconception that confident girls wear a certain type of clothing, but this is only a portion of the truth. Girls (and guys) who wear stylish clothing feel their confidence increase, partly because of the changed reaction from others. Armed with that confidence, your other talents will get taken more seriously and your career will be enhanced. Possibly also your love-life, but that's not something I can personally attest to, as I only have my own experiences to go by!

If you don't feel you have the sills to dress / style yourself then by all means find a willing friend, or make use of a professional like this one (I chose this FB page pretty much at random as it had the word 'Synergy' in the page title - so I'm not endorsing that consultant). One of my colleagues at work engaged a style consultant last year and there's a marked difference in the way she dresses now, and her career seems to have been enhanced by her transformation.

ivytwine

Hey OP, I have been on both sides of this fence, was a total unsure about it all in my teen years, had no idea about make-up, wore jeans, not even Converse, old Nikes. Then got really into it in college and even ended up working in Brown Thomas one Christmas!

The main thing is don't let it be a chore. It did get to be a chore when I was in BTs because I had to be so *done* every day, I'd rarely do a full face of make-up during the day now. Just tinted moisturiser, a little bit of foundation and concealer on problem areas, little bit of shadow and mascara.

Jeans and Cons are great and so handy. But now that we're coming into autumn and winter, maybe get a really comfy pair of boots to wear with jeans. It's amazing how much difference boots can make to an outfit. They can make a really girly dress look really funky and rocky, and dress up jeans.

Instead of going to a department store to get your make-up done (where the girls are, after all, trying to sell you as much as possible) maybe try a pharmacy or ask a friend who always looks well. A friend of mine is fantastic with make-up in particular, I've got so much advice from her.

It's all illusion in a lot of ways. I've fairly small eyes so instead of using black eyeliner, which is too harsh and doesn't have a widening effect, I take one of the eyeshadow applicators that come free with eyeshadows and apply some brown eyeshadow on my eyeline with the slim side. It gives a much gentler effect. There's loads of tricks and tips, from only applying foundation to the parts that need it, to colouring your whole lip with lipliner. A good book like Bobbi Brown's would be a great investment.

When it comes to clothes just think that it's the exact same effort to put on tights and a dress/skirt as it is to put on pants. When I first started dressing in skirts and dresses I was conscious of people looking at me, and nobody did, and if they did they only said nice things.

Also, I'm sure the girls that you consider primped and preened have their own insecurities too.

It's all down to what you feel confident and comfortable in

LegacyUser

Hey, thanks everyone for the responses.

A lot of people seem to be saying theres nothing wrong with being a jeans and runners type girl. I'm not trying to say there is! Also about the confidence, I think I'm a pretty confident person, successful career thus far, great social life and partner, I do yoga and run so I'm fairly fit and yoga gives me a great posture.

Anyway, its not that I'm feeling pressured into dressing more feminine or mature, I actually want to. Not all the time, but certainly to work. Where I work very little emphasis is put on how you're dress (academic environment). I could wear in a bin bag and nobody would care.

I admire women who just look well groomed. Nice hair, jewellery, perfume and all that. I just either never have the money to afford new stuff or I just don't know what to put together. Could use some help starting small.

For those who suggested personal shoppers/ style consultants thank you - but I can almost guarantee its out of my price range. As some people have suggested I may start introducing a few blazers and things. And get some form of ankle boots. I just get a bit lost and overwhelmed by it all sometimes.

Its hard to know where to start when you're going from zero. I can't even throw out my holey jeans because of lack of money at the moment (scholarship fund is pretty low)

I disagree that you need to spend money if you want nice stuff that'll last. It's very, very rare that I buy anything that costs over £15 and I'm constantly getting complimented on my clothes. I try to buy good quality stuff second-hand rather than H&M or Primark stuff.

I used to buy branded/pricy stuff as a teenager but like you, I just couldn't afford it anymore once I went to college and was living on a scholarship. I'm working now but find the price of clothes is way too high compared to my salary, so I buy almost everything in charity shops. I'm sitting here wearing gorgeous soft grey Topshop jeans, a cream lacy top originally from Zara and a wool cardigan from Comptoir des Cotonniers. If I'd bought everything new, it'd have cost around £200 (the cardigan alone was over £100 new). I got the whole outfit for £25. I have a wardrobe full of really nice, almost new stuff, some of it really high end brands, and most things I got for well under a tenner. The beauty of charity shops is that you can experiment a bit - you probably wouldn't want to spend 70 euro on a dress if you weren't sure you'd wear it, but you wouldn't mind spending 10.

I can't recommend charity or second-hand shops enough. Especially here in London - if you're ever over, definitely pick up some stuff! I'd also recommend starting off by thinking about what sort of style you like - I found Lookbook.nu quite helpful for that. Accessories are really important too - a nice necklace, some bracelets and some rings really dress up an outfit. Scarves (not big woolly ones, the patterned thinner ones) are amazing for that too.

ivytwine

Have to agree with Ernesto Itchy Bun, you don't always need to spend a fortune to look good. Sure a lot of Penneys stuff falls apart but at the same time I've a denim skirt I bought there when I was 16 and I still wear it. Generally, examine whatever you buy to see the stitching is firm and well-made.

Second-hand stores are great, as are websites like asos and others.

I know you can't afford to buy new stuff at the minute, but wearing clothes with holes in is going to do nothing for your confidence. Is there anything that you can sew up yourself? Or if you're rubbish with a needle, is there a friend or relative who'd do it for maybe a few euro?

Again with make-up. There are only a few things that you should spend real money on there. A good cleanser, toner, moisturiser and night cream is well worth investing in. Brands like Clinique and Clarins are amazing but very dear. However, something like La Roche Posay or Vichy would also be excellent, they're relatively expensive but nothing in the huge price range.

Foundation, in my opinion, is the only thing worth spending real money on make-up wise. There's a huge gulf in quality between the luxe brands and the pharmacy brands. I adore brands like Urban Decay, MAC, Benefit but spending money on their lipsticks, eyeshadows etc is not a good idea if you're on a budget. For eyeshadows and mascaras, your Rimmels, No 7s, Revlons, even the real budget brands like Essence are maybe not as good quality, but they're a lot cheaper and you don't get that guilt when you have to throw out an old compact with only one shade touched

A good concealer is also worth spending a small bit on, but you can do it all on a budget, especially if you consider a good foundation should last you quite a while.

Final make-up tip; invest in a good set of brushes, Boots have some good options for smaller budgets, and these can last you forever if you wash them regularly (with warm water and make-up remover).

Don't let it all intimidate you. Just try something different everyday. If you wear your hair up, wear it down. Try long earrings as opposed to studs. Etc

Tiddlypeeps

I agree that you don't need to spend a fortune, at least on make up anyway. I have become a tad addicted to make up over the last few years so I've tried products from all ends of the price spectrum. Essence and Catrice are very cheap brands, the reason they can sell so cheap is that they take other high end products and dupe them. This saves them a fortune in R&D and they pass that saving on to the consumer. Often the products aren't quite as good as the high end originals but they are close enough that it's worth sacrificing for the price difference.

For example Essence I love stage eye primer is a dupe of Urban Decay's potion primer, which is considered the best on the market. I did a good bit of testing on both to see the difference and the Essence one is marginally worse, but not by much at all. It is better than any other eye primer I've tried aside from the UD one. The Essence one is about 3/4 euro while the Urban Decay one is about 20 euro.

They also have a mascara dupe that is pretty much indistinguishable to the MAC version they copied. It's also about 3 euro vs about 20 euro for the MAC one.

Catrice nail polish is in my opinion as good as some of the high end polishes, Sally Hansen, Essie etc. It's 2/3 euro a bottle vs 10/15 euro.

I agree with the above poster about foundation being one of the things that everyone should splash out on if they can, but you say you have good skin so you probably don't need a proper foundation. A nice BB cream is probably good enough, there are several drug store brands that are meant to be quite good. Maybelline dream fresh gets quite good reviews. Just make sure you get the colour right, it's so important, it should always be the same colour as your jawline & neck and should never be used to make the skin darker (unless you start messing around with fake tan).

Start small and work your way up. BB cream, mascara and shade of lipstick that is close to your natural colour should be enough to get you started. Once you are comfortable with the basics then if you want you can start branching out.

Also for brushes Eco Tools are a great set of very affordable brushes. Real Techniques are a bit more expensive but also quite affordable.

I also agree with a previous poster who said an eyebrow shape can make the world of difference. Get it done professionally once, it costs between €10 and €20, and then use a tweezers yourself to maintain the shape. If you have fair eyebrows filling them in with a bit of powder a similar colour to your own can make a huge difference too.

My dress sense is pretty crap so I can't give you any tips there.

Best of luck

Neyite

OP, Honey-Ec gives perfect advice that I think will help you transition well. The only exception I'd personally disagree with her on is with regard to the jeans. It really depends on your shape. I've put on branded ones, yet the ones I look best in are cheapy New Look ones. So do shop around, and bring a friend or sister that will give you an honest opinion.

Some years ago I got into a style rut and my sister bossed me about on a shopping trip - making me choose things like skinny jeans that I thought didnt suit me. She totally Gok-Wanned me, bossy mare , but I love that she managed to find a styled version of "me". I only wear makeup when going out. I mostly wear jeans, heels and a sparkly top with a blazer.

I've had more success in my single days pulling when I wore jeans, boots and a white tee-shirt with very subtle makeup - probably because I'm relaxed and comfortable and that is overall a better look IMO than hobbling around in heels I cant walk in, boobs spilling out over a skimpy neckline, tugging on a miniscule skirt that ends just below my ovaries.

And +1 on the eyebrows. Which reminds me...

LegacyUser

Again, thanks everyone for the replies. Its great!

Tiddlypeeps - thanks so much for that post. Its nice to get some practical advice about brands because I'm pretty clueless to be honest.

Unfortunately I don't have any sisters (stupid brother ) and my best mate just moved abroad. My other best mate is a guy. And a lot of my other female friends would be similar to me in terms of dressiness. The charity shop in my town isn't great. I volunteered there for a year and I'm fairly confident I wouldn't wear any of the stuff, but I will have a look on adverts.ie and when I get a chance I'll look in the city. Thanks for that advice!

Like I said I have a great boyfriend, good friends and my social life more often than not involves going down to the local for drinks, which I refuse to wear heels for. So its not necessarily that I want to convert myself from a casual dresser to a glamour puss. I'm just trying to make the most of what I have. I put zero effort in at the moment like. I roll out of bed, throw on the same jeans from yesterday and just mascara a lot of the time.

The advice here has been great. I might try what ivytwine said and try one thing differently every day. Start small. First stop - eyebrow shape and skin care.

I don't know what toner is. My skincare routine at the moment is to put a bit of Vichy moisturiser on after I shower. That's literally it so if I can enhance that it would be great

fits

In academia you dont need to get very dressed up thankfully

I like this stuff http://www.toast.co.uk/content/lookbook/AW13/women/3/lookbook.htm#12 The stuff can be pricey but great website for ideas. If you can buy nice stuff in charity shops, go for it. I saw a beautiful wool blazer in one a few weeks ago for two euro. It must have been worth a couple of hundred when new. Too big for me sadly.

DoozerT6

I would +1 on a personal shopper/stylist, I though they were free?! You just have to book, although I may be completely wrong on that.

May I suggest first of all getting properly fitted for a bra, and spending a few quid on some nice underwear - it's the basis for every outfit, so you might as well get that right, haha! Buy well-fitting bras in black, white, and nude to start with, and work from there matching knickers might be nice too.

I am very similar to you, in that it took until my 30's to find some sort of 'style' to my clothing, and even now I dress very (very) casually. My suggestions, from my limited experience, would be to buy decent quality coats/jackets, jeans/trousers, and boots/shoes, ie outerwear...these are the first impressions you make, they might as well be stylish. Don't do what I did and slouch around in the same old anorak and jeans, both from Dunnes, for years TKMaxx sometimes have great finds, although it can be a bit of a jumble sale too!!

There are loads of options for tops, and if you do go the personal shopper route they can steer you in the right direction. I would also see about buying a couple of nice, trendy dresses (you might also get one or two maxi dresses on sale now that you could layer up for autumn) just to add some variety.

Hair/makeup: ok, you don't need to look like you just stepped off the set of TOWIE, but I spent many years with ungroomed eyebrows and absolutely NO style to my hair. A nice eyebrow shape and a decent haircut (and why not get a colour if you can?) always makes me look fresher.

I like to keep makeup very natural, in fact I usually just wear tinted moisturiser and lip gloss, neither of which gets reapplied during the day, haha! Find a look you are comfortable with - I'd say a friend might be better here than a sales assistant, sometimes they can be quite heavy handed if you're looking for a daytime look, bless them...

ivytwine

Toner probably isn't all that necessary because you have good skin. Best thing is to keep using the Vichy, it's a good brand and maybe get a night cream and a good cleanser/scrub. Keep it as natural as poss

nikpmup

Op - I'm going to go against the grain here and say to you that there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a jeans & cons girl! I'm 37, and I pretty much live in skinny jeans and converse; and that includes when I go out! I do occasionally dress up (for a wedding, say) but that's it - my idea of a dressy night out is a stretch jersey dress from Penneys, black tights and slightly less scruffy converse than normal! I'm eight months pregnant ATM and have managed to find a pair of skinny maternity jeans! I literally have been living in them.

I guess the trick is to be confident in how you carry off you look. When I go out, it's generally to a sweaty little club so I'd look like a plank in a girly dress! I make sure my hair is well cut and coloured, I do wear makeup on nights out (but rarely any other time) but the clothes remain the same. I like them and they suit me, and I'm not spending my night out hobbling around in heels or uncomfortable in a dress. The key is, I think to not radically change your style - that would make you uncomfortable and self conscious - but to alter it or neaten it up a bit. So, well fitting jeans and a nice (but comfortable) top with neat looking cons rather than the scruffy pair you might wear in the daytime! Accessorise with maybe a necklace, make sure your hair is blow dried/straightened (whatever suits you) and a little makeup - if you don't wear makeup as a rule suddenly starting to wear heavy eyeliner and red lips will make you feel stupid. Above all, be yourself - it's much more attractive, IMO, to be happy and confident in your skin than to try to drees like someone you are not. I could never be a high-maintenance really dressed up kind of girl, and that suits me fine!

beks101

OP you've received great advice so far. Just wanted to add...

Why don't you take a look at what other women are wearing, what stands out to you when you pass women on the street, see someone in front of you in the supermarket, maybe even something a friend or colleague is wearing, and use that as a sort of barometer?

I find myself constantly being inspired by a colourful blazer some woman is wearing on the subway, or a pair of boots a girl at work has, or a brand of lipstick that looks amazing on a friend etc - and I'll always, always ask where they got it, what brand it is etc. It's a nice little conversation starter, it always brightens someone's day and I've never had anyone be anything but flattered and happy to share the details - meaning I know exactly what look I want to go for the next time I have a few quid to spend, and I've given some unwitting stranger a compliment - win win!

It also gets you used to talking and thinking about fashion and wise as to where people whose style you admire are shopping, where the bargains are etc

As far as general grooming tips go - the advice you've got here is spot on. Stick with the basics - maintain neat, groomed and styled hair, stick to a regular skincare regime - moisturize, moisturize, moisturize! An anti ageing cream isn't a bad idea either. Keep your eyebrows and nails in good shape, be selective with makeup and stick to the brands and tones that suit your particular skin type, and keep yourself in good shape - you seem to have that mastered.

Best of luck - have fun with it! It's one of the virtues of being a woman