Met someone I idolised

LegacyUser

Very unusual problem that I have (I think)!...

I was a big fan of a band way back in the nineties. I joined their mailing list where fans would discuss them and even had a small website. I went to a lot of their concerts and would have been considered one of their big fans. Never met them as they were quite a big band playing big venues.

They split up years ago, in the early naughties I think, their career petered out AFAIK, and I basically forgot about them, moved on and started listening to other genres of music etc, never thought about them again. Imagine my surprise and shock when I walked into a bar near my new job and saw one of the band behind the bar! I made some conversation as you do and was a bit shellshocked so didn't mention the band. Just had some small talk chit chat kind of thing and was chatting to her a while. Next time I went in, I asked if she was X from X band. She very sharply said 'no, I'm not' and handed me my pint. I didn't push it as she clearly didn't want to go there. As this would be the 'work bar' near my job, I now go in quite regularly and make conversation with her quite a lot. She now knows me fairly well.

The really awkward and mortifying thing is that a lot of the stuff I posted 15+ years ago is still online and easily findable if you google my name. I am absolutely petrified that she'll find out how much of a fan I was and think I'm stalking her or that I was dishonest not to mention who she was the first time we met (was just so shocked). She obviously knows I know who she is because I've asked, but she probably thinks I saw a video once or something, not that I was a huge fan. I've basically had to go on like I don't know who she is, resulting in the bizarre situation of asking her questions I know the answer to (where she's from etc, what she studied) and her telling me stuff I already know. This is driving me mad now. I should probably have left it and not gone back there, but the curiosity was too much, plus she's quite a cool girl and I did genuinely get on with her. I am just madly hoping she doesn't search for me or anything like that.

I just feel so awkward about it all. I was so excited when I first saw her but now it's actually turned into a stressful mess and I wish I'd never met her...can't turn back the clock now What do I do?

Kidchameleon

You've done nothing wrong, she was an absolute bi*ch for reacting the way she did. Are you sure its her? I've a friend who keeps getting mistaken for a certain soccer player and he's sick of people shouting at him!

blatantrereg

You didn't do anything odd, never mind alarming. You were just being polite by not acknowledging you still knew whom she was after she made it clear she didn't want that known.

She is unlikely to search for you. That would be closer to the sort of stalkerish behaviour you are talking about. If for some reason she did, she might be a bit embarrassed that you had such an interest in her, and knew lots about her already. She won't think you're a stalker from a chance encounter.

LegacyUser

Kidchameleon wrote: »

You've done nothing wrong, she was an absolute bi*ch for reacting the way she did. Are you sure its her? I've a friend who keeps getting mistaken for a certain soccer player and he's sick of people shouting at him!

Definitely sure, yep! I wouldn't say she was a b*tch, I'd say she might be a bit embarrassed that she used to be famous and is now working in a bar. Not that she should be embarrassed, but a lot of people would use it to slag her etc. Also I'd imagine she doesn't want word to get out and fans to go there just to see her - could cause problems for her and her colleagues.

The worst bit is that I've heard the band are reforming for some gigs - obviously I'd love to go but I'd say she wouldn't be happy to see me there. I was hoping she'd break the ice by admitting who she was, and I could say I was a fan back in the day, but she denied it! Awkward!

I know that I just happened to walk into that bar, but she doesn't. She might think I looked her up on purpose (if you look on the band's fan forum someone else posted that she works at this bar - obviously I hadn't read that because I'd lost interest in the band by that stage) and tried to befriend her or something.

Honey-ec

Kidchameleon wrote: »

You've done nothing wrong, she was an absolute bi*ch for reacting the way she did.

That's extremely harsh. The girl is probably mortified at having gone from being in a successful band to working behind a bar and is pretty defensive about the whole situation. Far easier to just shut down any discussion on the matter before it even begins. Abrupt? Certainly. Rude? Maybe. But an "absolute bitch"? Nope.

OP, you're completely overreacting to this situation. Why in God's name would she google you? She probably doesn't even know your surname. You need to just forget about the whole situation, and maybe stop drinking in there until you can just interact with this woman in a normal way.

LegacyUser

Honey-ec wrote: »

That's extremely harsh. The girl is probably mortified at having gone from being in a successful band to working behind a bar and is pretty defensive about the whole situation. Far easier to just shut down any discussion on the matter before it even begins. Abrupt? Certainly. Rude? Maybe. But an "absolute bitch"? Nope.

OP, you're completely overreacting to this situation. Why in God's name would she google you? She probably doesn't even know your surname. You need to just forget about the whole situation, and maybe stop drinking in there until you can just interact with this woman in a normal way.

She does know my surname and where I work and quite a lot about me. We have a tab for work, so I often use my credit card for it. She knows my first and last names well.

Merkin

You are WAY over thinking this. Are you sure there is not some residual obsession for the band here at play? If she's working behind a bar I would exchange a few pleasantries with her but leave it at that. You're obviously engaging her and asking her personal questions if she is telling you stuff so maybe just step back a little? And why on earth would she Google you?

miamee

If and I mean a very big IF she were ever to bring it up, you say that you did ask her once and she shut you down pretty quickly so you decided all mention of the band was a bad idea after that. As others have said, you are way over thinking it considering she just works in a bar that you frequent.

heretochat

Merkin wrote: »

You are WAY over thinking this. Are you sure there is not some residual obsession for the band here at play? If she's working behind a bar I would exchange a few pleasantries with her but leave it at that. You're obviously engaging her and asking her personal questions if she is telling you stuff so maybe just step back a little? And why on earth would she Google you?

Agree with this 100%... Why would you think she would google your name?

Also I think the poster who called her a b*tch was a bit off too. She may just not want any attention regarding her former life.

If it is your local and you can engage in conversation with her without pestering her I don't see the problem.

Faith

If she googles you, she'll either keep it to herself because she doesn't want to admit who she is, or she'll tell you and admit the truth. If she admits the truth, then I'd just laugh it off by saying something like "God yeah, teenagers can get so obsessive! I'd be mortified to even read over that stuff. Glad I've grown up since then!".

Most of us have posted embarrassing stuff online about bands/actors/whatever when we were younger. You're unfortunately in that it's tied to your name, but if it ever does come up, just try and laugh it off as teenage foolishness.

Oryx

I'm pretty sure this is not a big issue in her world - that some punter where she works, that she makes small talk with occasionally, recognised her.

In your head this is a big deal, but that's the only place it is any kind of deal. Seriously.

If you want to see her play, then do. And continue to chat to her in the bar. But dont imagine for one moment that you register enough on her radar for her to look you up online, or to care that you loved her old band.

Cunning Stunt

I also think you are starting to obsess a bit about this person, OP - maybe due to the fact that you were so fond of the band. Just try to be casual and treat her as you would any other bartender. Don't over-analyse or read into things she does or says.

LegacyUser

Glad to hear most people think I'm totally overreacting. Hope I am.

Another embarrassing point is that a while ago, I added their old manager on Facebook. I must have thought about them randomly and added him to see what he was up to now, didn't see anything interesting and just forgot about it. Only realised today that I'm still 'friends' with him on there and have found out through Twitter that the singer/band are now working with him again. Just a bit paranoid that she'll somehow find out that I had the manager on FB and think I'm a stalker!

I'm just a bit nervous as she has mentioned me to colleagues (in a positive way, I think, they're always very friendly) and would have a very good idea of who I am. I just hope yous are right and that she's got too much going on to even think about me outside work.

She actually hasn't been in in over a week...I think she might have left. This tallies with what I've read about the band on Twitter. I just feel awkward now and wish I hadn't chatted to her so much - obviously I made that extra effort and chatted to her more than others because I *did* know who she was...just hope she didn't take it all the wrong way.

_Whimsical_

Ok, I think you need to take a breath. You are dramatically over analysing now to the point of actually sounding a bit obsessed.

Worst case scenario she googles you (highly unlikely!).Even worse she or someone else brings it up with you. If she does just laugh it off and say "oh yeah I was mad into that band for a while when I was a kid... 10 minutes later I was mad about another one.Thank God I've grown up, it's awful expensive changing your tastes every 10 mins". Say anything lighthearted indicating that it was 2 decades ago and that you're a totally different person now which I'm sure you are.

If you continue in this sweat of worrying about it ,it will start coming across and you'll make her nervous. We all had these mad notions when we were kids, it's embarrassing if there's a trail online, but you just have to laugh it off. We've all been there, herself included I'm sure. Chillax!

NIMAN

I'm very curious ...

rainbowtrout

Usedtobefamous wrote: »

Definitely sure, yep! I wouldn't say she was a b*tch, I'd say she might be a bit embarrassed that she used to be famous and is now working in a bar. Not that she should be embarrassed, but a lot of people would use it to slag her etc. Also I'd imagine she doesn't want word to get out and fans to go there just to see her - could cause problems for her and her colleagues.

The worst bit is that I've heard the band are reforming for some gigs - obviously I'd love to go but I'd say she wouldn't be happy to see me there. I was hoping she'd break the ice by admitting who she was, and I could say I was a fan back in the day, but she denied it! Awkward!

I know that I just happened to walk into that bar, but she doesn't. She might think I looked her up on purpose (if you look on the band's fan forum someone else posted that she works at this bar - obviously I hadn't read that because I'd lost interest in the band by that stage) and tried to befriend her or something.

Surely this is more her problem than yours? You like the band, so you buy a ticket for the gig if they do starting performing again. She lied to you about her identity when you recognised her. Clearly if you turn up to the gig and she spots you there she's the one that's going to look like an idiot for lying in the first place.

You are way over thinking the whole situation, she's not googling you, she's not going through the manager's facebook friends to see if there's anyone she knows. She's not looking at every customer that comes into the bar thinking that they've spent hours online trying to find her and track her down. You happened to recognise her, you're probably not the first and you won't be the last. You have far too much time on your hands if you are giving this much thought to the situation.

_Whimsical_

NIMAN wrote: »

I'm very curious ...

Me too. Bewitched ?:)

LegacyUser

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Surely this is more her problem than yours? You like the band, so you buy a ticket for the gig if they do starting performing again. She lied to you about her identity when you recognised her. Clearly if you turn up to the gig and she spots you there she's the one that's going to look like an idiot for lying in the first place.

You are way over thinking the whole situation, she's not googling you, she's not going through the manager's facebook friends to see if there's anyone she knows. She's not looking at every customer that comes into the bar thinking that they've spent hours online trying to find her and track her down. You happened to recognise her, you're probably not the first and you won't be the last. You have far too much time on your hands if you are giving this much thought to the situation.

Trying not to give too many details, but she would have a lot of my personal info due to my work having a corporate account with this place (it's a bar which is part of a complex). She jokingly looked up my date of birth to see how old I was and remembered it weeks later and she's mentioned other stuff I've told her. I'm a bit freaked out by how much she remembers about previous conversations (stuff I'd long forgotten!)

I am a bit worried that I've freaked her out and made her nervous. Wish I'd just kept away now. I did probably babble too much because I was quite excited to be in the presence of someone I idolised, even though it was years ago. Cringe. So embarrassed now.

And no, it's not B Witched. Hah.

Taltos

NIMAN & _Whimsical_ - if you have no constructive advice to offer please don't post. Doing so can earn you a warning / infraction / ban.

December2012

Look you did nothing wrong here.

You recognised her, she denied it, you were a gentleman and didn't push it.

Go to the gig if you still like the band / music. If she sees you there then SHE is the one with the problem - she has to explain her previous lie (or she might not at all - her choice!

It ain't your problem really.

Stop worrying.

whirlpool

All I keep thinking is The Cranberries.

whirlpool

Oh, also OP you're having an irrational reaction to this situation, probably because there is emotion attached to this woman for you. Take deep breaths, remind yourself you've done / are doing nothing wrong, and just get on with it.

Just don't start stalking.

seachto7

whirlpool wrote: »

All I keep thinking is The Cranberries.

They made millions, they don't need to work.

Taltos

Having already issued an on thread warning for off topic comments we have now issued warnings to the two posters who have ignored this instruction. Further off topic posts will result now in infractions/bans or will force us to close this thread.

freshpopcorn

You did nothing wrong.
I think the woman might have just reacted badly with you because you knew who she was. Often people rise to fame when their young and then it all the work dies out and then they have to go back to having a normal life and it might have being hard for her being reminded of what she once had also they are some people out their who would laugh at her for having to work in a bar now.
You did nothing wrong but I wouldn't mention it again.

whirlpool

Taltos wrote: »

Having already issued an on thread warning for off topic comments we have now issued warnings to the two posters who have ignored this instruction. Further off topic posts will result now in infractions/bans or will force us to close this thread.

I got a warning for not providing something that you consider as constructive? Why have you conveniently chosen to ignore my second post which was made just seconds later?

And just so this post doesn't get another warning, OP are you feeling any better about everything now? Everyone here seems to be of the same opinion that you have nothing to fret about

CaraMay

Didn't you post about the a couple of weeks back? It's not something to stress about

Taltos

As posters continue to post in breach of our charter and the repeated requests to only post with constructive advice we are closing this thread.

Best of luck OP, apologies if you didn't get the advice you were seeking here.

Can I remind everyone that if you have no constructive advice please don't post. Similarly if you have an issue with a post or a thread use the report function. Off topic posts can and do result in bans.