Lacking Female Friends

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I just started college about three weeks ago or so. As it is, I haven't really made any solid friendships in college which is fine, I know it's only early days. My problems is that I'm finding it difficult to get girls to like me. It's not that I'm a horrible person or anything, I would like to think I'm a decent sort. I try to be friendly, I can be a bit quiet but once someone starts talking to me or vice versa I can chat away. A lot of girls have already formed cliques and even though I attempt to talk to them or they do to me, they kind of just hold back when they're around me whereas with the other girls, they don't. Three times today when I was talking to three separate girls I saw them look me up and down. And I'm not after any particular group of girls, I just really like normal, sound, down-to-earth girls but they just seem to skim over me in favour of others.

My classes are female orientated so that's a plus but my housemates are all guys. The latter is a bit of a drawback because whilst they can go out with each other, I can't really. It's a bit odd going out with three lads and no girls. A lot of the other girls got put into apartments with two and three other females so they've all bonded. Really the only "friendships" I have are with lads, they seem more willing to approach me but they usually only talk to me because they like me - not for my personality, but the way I look I suppose (that's meant in the least arrogant way possible). In that way, they're not real friendships they're just after the one thing. I've never really had any proper male friendships where it's completely platonic because of this reason. I've always had more female friends because they never expected anything at the end of it and liked me for me.

I went out a few times at night because I thought that would help me get to know the other girls around the apartment. I did meet a few and even though we got on really well in the night, by day it was if they were strangers. We would just exchange a hello really.

I do feel lonely, especially when I see groups of girls walking around and chatting and having a laugh. Some of these girls may have even only known each other for two weeks!

Is there any advice anyone can give me who was in a similar situation? I feel really down these days, especially missing out on nights out where friendships are properly formed. Plus I spend a lot of my time drifting around by myself so I'm constantly reminding myself of the fact.

TheBellJar

I really feel for you OP. Your first few weeks in college can be tough and really isolating if you just don't click with anyone in your class. The thing I'd say to you is, you don't have to try to get anyone to like you - you really should just be you, because if you try too hard then people will pick up on that too as it'll come across a bit fake. You sound like a smart, down to earth girl and I really think things will fall into place for you over the next few months but it'll just take a while to find your feet. Try mixing with people out side of your class and getting to know the girls your male housemates hang out with. As for guy friends only being after one thing, well that's not always the case as the majority of my friends are male. Also, the reason for that is that I can't stand the bitchiness that can come from groups of girls and I know the 'up and down' look your describe all too well.

I don't know how much this is helping you OP, but I thought it would at least help you to know there's nothing wrong with you and it's not just you - there are so many people who have been in your situation.

Tramps Like Us

Its not weird to go out with the lads and you are the only girl.... often thats the case with my group of friends, often only one of the girls comes out, nothing strange about it... we're all friends.

I think you might be being a bit harsh on some of the guys, and yourself. Its perfectly possible that they are just being friendly, and not looking for anything else. I know when I started college I was happy to just talk to anyone, I wasn't talking to my female classmates because I wanted the ride.

The cliques some girls form in college are head-wrecking I'll give you that, it's just immaturity. Similar things happened to me, when it was just one of them, on a night out, in the library or whatever they were really nice and we chatted away but the next day once they were back in their little group I was ignored. I don't mean to be sexist but I never saw the same degree of bitchiness and insecurity like that with the guys in college. Or the mature students.

My advice would be to give the lads a chance, ignore the cliques and see who is left over or flits between different groups. I'd also recommend joining societies you have an interest in (or think you might), you generally don't get cliques in these, and you never know some of them might share lectures with you, I made some good friends that way. Joining clubs and socs is a great idea, really. If your college has an SVP society join that, there are usually some really nice people, and you don't get the tossers you sometimes get in RAG socs. Has your college had its clubs and socs day yet? If your college is a Dublin one I can recommend some good groups to join.

Best of luck For a while I found college very lonely, which I thought was some major failing on my part given the abundance of people the same age. I'm just finished college now and have made some good friends.