Dislike my friend's girlfriend

JenEffy

Ok, so my friend (I'll call him M) has been with this girl (I'll call her S) for maybe three months. They've already been on holiday together and act super serious. I knew S a few years back and didn't like her. Long story short, my then-boyfriend cheated on me with her then got with her when we broke up. She was awful to me even though I was the one who had been hurt.

So, I gave her a chance when M started seeing her but she's impossible to like. None of M's friends like her and not many people in general like her. She's one of those loud, opinionated girls. She gets mad at my M over nothing and even fought with him on his birthday. I honestly don't know why he's with her. I'd told him what she was like before he ever met her, and when he did meet her he admitted that she was pretty crazy. Does anyone have any advice for how to handle this situation? Had anyone been in this situation before?

Esoteric_

Just leave him to it. You already gave him your opinion on her, and he's seemingly happy with her, so just back off and leave his relationship alone.

tinkerbell

Agree with the above. Let him make his own mistakes. You've already told him what you think of her so it's up to him now. In the meantime, just don't have anything to do with her.

JenEffy

Yeah, I suppose there isn't anything I can do really. I was more looking to see if anyone is/has been in the same situation. I'm probably over-thinking it.

Meauldsegosha

I agree with the other posters, you have already spoken to him about it so leave him at it. However I found it interesting that you called him your M, do you harbour some feelings for him? Are you jealous that he is with this girl and not you?

JenEffy wrote: »

So, I gave her a chance when M started seeing her but she's impossible to like. None of M's friends like her and not many people in general like her. She's one of those loud, opinionated girls. She gets mad at my M over nothing and even fought with him on his birthday. I honestly don't know why he's with her. I'd told him what she was like before he ever met her, and when he did meet her he admitted that she was pretty crazy. Does anyone have any advice for how to handle this situation? Had anyone been in this situation before?

JenEffy

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

I agree with the other posters, you have already spoken to him about it so leave him at it. However I found it interesting that you called him your M, do you harbour some feelings for him? Are you jealous that he is with this girl and not you?

Eh, no. That was a typo. I originally wrote "my friend" and then changed it to "M" so it would be easier to read. I'm not jealous and I don't have feelings for him. It's just awkward because he's a big part of my life and therefore so is she.

Catari Jaguar

Oh you'll drive yourself crazy if you continue getting wound up over this. I have been there. I tried to make an effort but she was really nasty... I said to my friend just keep her away from me, don't mention her and don't come crying to me over any problem you have.. But, he's happy with her, they love each other, supposedly she's a lovely girl and he really thinks the world of her. Knowing that makes it a lot easier to accept. You really can't tell what a relationship is like from the outside so just try and forget about it. I am sorry she was involved in your break up but your anger needs to be also aimed at your ex boyfriend, she didn't force him to cheat.

ladygirl

Great Advice from Catari Jaguar

Who your friend chooses to be with is none of your business.. You may think he is making a mistake but they obviously feel that they are 100% right for one another.. Leave them alone to be happy and don't try interfere. Also I would suggest not going down the route of ignoring this girl completely as by doing so you will eventually isolate yourself from your friend!!

You don't have to be best friends with this girl - but as his friend I do think you should at least be civil. If your holding a grudge from a few years back - you need to let it go.. We ALL make mistakes in our past that we regret.

TheBellJar

Be civil to her for your friends sake and if she's as bad as you say then she won't last long anyway.

heretochat

I also wondered reading this whether there was some residual anger towards this girl arising from her role in your previous break-up..

But I would go along with all the other posters and advise you to back off and leave him to it.. While he is in the throes of romantic bliss he is always going to choose her over you.. That is just sad reality

If she is really as bad as you say he will see this eventually and then he will need your support

JenEffy

ladygirl wrote: »

Great Advice from Catari Jaguar

Who your friend chooses to be with is none of your business.. You may think he is making a mistake but they obviously feel that they are 100% right for one another.. Leave them alone to be happy and don't try interfere. Also I would suggest not going down the route of ignoring this girl completely as by doing so you will eventually isolate yourself from your friend!!

You don't have to be best friends with this girl - but as his friend I do think you should at least be civil. If your holding a grudge from a few years back - you need to let it go.. We ALL make mistakes in our past that we regret.

That's the thing. She got with my boyfriend and hated me. I never had anything against her. She hated me for years. It was the oddest thing. Thanks for the advice.

JenEffy

heretochat wrote: »

I also wondered reading this whether there was some residual anger towards this girl arising from her role in your previous break-up..

But I would go along with all the other posters and advise you to back off and leave him to it.. While he is in the throes of romantic bliss he is always going to choose her over you.. That is just sad reality

If she is really as bad as you say he will see this eventually and then he will need your support

I don't hold a grudge against her. Like I said in my original post, it was her who hated me for years even though she got with my boyfriend. I left the two of them to it and didn't hold it against them. Thanks for the advice anyway.

JenEffy

Catari Jaguar wrote: »

Oh you'll drive yourself crazy if you continue getting wound up over this. I have been there. I tried to make an effort but she was really nasty... I said to my friend just keep her away from me, don't mention her and don't come crying to me over any problem you have.. But, he's happy with her, they love each other, supposedly she's a lovely girl and he really thinks the world of her. Knowing that makes it a lot easier to accept. You really can't tell what a relationship is like from the outside so just try and forget about it. I am sorry she was involved in your break up but your anger needs to be also aimed at your ex boyfriend, she didn't force him to cheat.

Oh, I'm not angry about that break up, I only mentioned it because it was her who hated me for years, rather than the other way around. That was a long time ago and I couldn't care less about it. Thanks

Boombastic

JenEffy wrote: »

I don't hold a grudge against her. Like I said in my original post, it was her who hated me for years even though she got with my boyfriend. I left the two of them to it and didn't hold it against them. Thanks for the advice anyway.

Your boyfriend also got with her, can't blame it only on her

JenEffy

Boombastic wrote: »

Your boyfriend also got with her, can't blame it only on her

I think everyone's misunderstanding me. I don't blame anyone for that. I don't even care about it. That happened 6 or 7 years ago. My point was that even though my boyfriend got with her, she hated me for years with no reason. That situation wasn't even the point of my post, it was just some back story.

Oryx

Youve told your friend what you think, now its up to him. Clearly he is getting something from the relationship right now, and he sees a different side to this girl. You can't save your friends from their mistakes, you can only be there to pick up the pieces afterwards. Thats all you can do in this case.

And, of course, avoid him when he is with her, which is an unfortunate side effect.

MagicMarker

I would question how much of a friend he really is if he has no problem getting into a relationship with someone who slept with your boyfriend.