fathers rights

double bill

Hi All,

if you can offer some advice I’d be so grateful. i have two kids, one child from my previous relationship and one with my current partner. i am having an issue with my previous partner letting me have my child if i plan to do something with both kids on the same day. she says she does not want the two kids to mix and results in me not seeing my child some weekends. Am i within my rights to have both my kids on the same day or does the law go with what the mother says?

I’m looking for any advice from a legal or self experience person who can help me with this situation.

Thanks for reading

Sala

Your best bet is to
1) Go to mediation and see can you sort out an agreement between you
2) Go to your local DC to apply for access (and Guardianship if you don't already have it). That would involve handing over the right to determine access to the Judge.

The "law" does is not that prescriptive - no legislation outlines such details and in family law case law is hard to find and the Judges very much go on a case by case basis. I cannot see a Judge making an order that would prevent your children, who are siblings, from mixing.

double bill

Thank you sala, looks like the DC is the only choice really as she wont do the mediation route for sure

Sala

See if you can get legal aid or hire a Solicitor. If not, make sure you are prepared so you get to tell the Judge your story in a concise and clear manner. A father, unless he poses a threat, will always get access. If you genuinely cannot sort this out with her (which is the first and best route in my opinion) you have no choice but to go to Court and get access made an order of the Court. Be prepare to explain why you want or need to mind both kids at the same time, but as previously mentioned I cannot imagine a Judge making an access order designed to avoid half sibling meeting, and if your ex has a Solicitor I would be surprised if her Solicitor advised her this was a reasonable condition

Cody Pomeray

Sala wrote: »

A father, unless he poses a threat, will always get access.

Hundreds of family law practitioners are re-writing their notes.

Or, not. You shouldn't say things which the courts have not determined, nor even hinted at.

Sala

Cody Pomeray wrote: »

Hundreds of family law practitioners are re-writing their notes.

Or, not. You shouldn't say things which the courts have not determined, nor even hinted at.

Maybe I wasn't clear but it is rare fathers are denied access, and arises usually in circumstances where the children are not safe or do not know him. As the OP has access already, the Judge will not deny him access, unless it can be shown that he is a threat to the children. I have seen access denied where fathers are violent, drug addicts, absent from children's lives, but subject to conditions that if they meet them they can reapply. The OP has been minding his children, it is the conditions his ex is setting out that are forcing him to formalize access.

Cody Pomeray

I think you're being a little disingenuous when it comes to a father's presence in a child's life. It's a fairly substantial point to omit.

Sala

Cody Pomeray wrote: »

I think you're being a little disingenuous when it comes to a father's presence in a child's life. It's a fairly substantial point to omit.

Well maybe instead of criticising my post, or omissions, you could offer the OP some direction?

SUNDERLANDER!

Sala wrote: »

Maybe I wasn't clear but it is rare fathers are denied access, and arises usually in circumstances where the children are not safe or do not know him. As the OP has access already, the Judge will not deny him access, unless it can be shown that he is a threat to the children. I have seen access denied where fathers are violent, drug addicts, absent from children's lives, but subject to conditions that if they meet them they can reapply. The OP has been minding his children, it is the conditions his ex is setting out that are forcing him to formalize access.

Yes its rare,but its not rare for the mother to deny access regardless of the courts ruling or for the legal system to drag it out years while in the meantime the father is denied access.

Father rights are basically non existent,a judge will grant access but it is usually as awkward and for as little time as possible.

If the op is married or has guardianship he will be giving a little more room by the judge.

The law needs to be changed,at the minute the media is full of gay rights and womens rights issues,yet this most basic right that should be 50/50 for the mother and father is being allowed to remain unchanged,to the disadvantage of children and dads its a disgrace.

SUNDERLANDER!

Sala wrote: »

you have no choice but to go to Court and get access made an order of the Court. Be prepare to explain why you want or need to mind both kids at the same time, but as previously mentioned I cannot imagine a Judge making an access order designed to avoid half sibling meeting, and if your ex has a Solicitor I would be surprised if her Solicitor advised her this was a reasonable condition

What??? her solicitor would more than likely be telling her shes 100% right,sorry im not picking on you but i have been through the process and i am a member of fathers rights groups,you seem to be giving solicitors and the family law courts a lot of faith,i suggest you read up on the practices of theses institutions before you hand out advice on the matter.

the OP needs to realize he is not dealing with noble solicitors and a just family courts system,unless the mother backs down the chips are stacked against him.

Sala

SUNDERLANDER! wrote: »

Yes its rare,but its not rare for the mother to deny access regardless of the courts ruling or for the legal system to drag it out years while in the meantime the father is denied access.

Father rights are basically non existent,a judge will grant access but it is usually as awkward and for as little time as possible.

If the op is married or has guardianship he will be giving a little more room by the judge.

The law needs to be changed,at the minute the media is full of gay rights and womens rights issues,yet this most basic right that should be 50/50 for the mother and father is being allowed to remain unchanged,to the disadvantage of children and dads its a disgrace.

By dragging it our for years I presume you mean by not showing up, or trying make the Judge wary of granting access? Only the OP knows his ex and how things will pan out - which is why I fully support sorting it out yourselves if at all possible. I agree with you fathers rights are poor, but 50/50 access is necessarily the solution.

Sala

SUNDERLANDER! wrote: »

What??? her solicitor would more than likely be telling her shes 100% right,sorry im not picking on you but i have been through the process and i am a member of fathers rights groups,you seem to be giving solicitors and the family law courts a lot of faith,i suggest you read up on the practices of theses institutions before you hand out advice on the matter.

the OP needs to realize he is not dealing with noble solicitors and a just family courts system,unless the mother backs down the chips are stacked against him.

And I have been to Court many times with clients and the Judge has refused to micromanage the access conditions

SUNDERLANDER!

Sala wrote: »

And I have been to Court many times with clients and the Judge has refused to micromanage the access conditions

If you are aware of the process and judges you should understand that the judge for no rhyme or reason could easily side with the mother and in a lot of cases will,without given an explanation or hearing the case for more than 2-3 minutes.

That is fact and it happens more often than not.your advice portrays the system as just and is simply giving false hope to the OP. even if hes the perfect dad who pays huge child support cost,hes still not going to be favored by this judge. the judge will always side with the mother as its written in law and he has little choice.

Grolschevik

SUNDERLANDER! wrote: »

the judge will always side with the mother as its written in law and he has little choice.

Yeah? Where does it say that?

SUNDERLANDER!

Grolschevik wrote: »

Yeah? Where does it say that?

An unmarried mother is sole guardian in ireland by law. its written ''mother'' instead of parent,the text of the law is sexist and needs to be changed.

reddevilfan

Hello

I was looking for a topic on fathers rights as I have just been to Court 41 for access to my 2 kids whom I have not seen for 4 yrs. this started when the mother found a new BF and moved without notifying me and kept changing address so I could not locate her. I always kept a record of address changes etc and contact I made.

A while ago my son messaged me on FB, so I got the address and sent of for Access. The strange thing is that a month ago my son text me asking to stay and has been here ever since ( refusing to go home ) he says he missed me, I have had no contact from the mother but she has rang my son and brought down his clothes and xbox etc...

On the 9/10 I went to court where she failed to turn up, The Judge checked the letter and it was signed so she received it but I did mention that her father was taken ill into hospital 2 weeks prior to the date and may be a factor ( his whole expression changed of me I think ) I explained I had not seen my kids for 4 yrs, their ages and that there was constant address changes etc so it was hard for me to see them, I did find her and put letters in the letterbox but no reply the copies I showed to the judge. I then told him I had missed out on a large portion of my kids life communion and confirmation etc....

I then told him that my son was with me for 2/3 weeks and he did not want to go home... The Judge asked had I received any contact from the mother ( I said no ) and he wrote it down. I also told the judge that the mother and her BF have my kids scared saying I would kidnap them etc...

In the end

My son gets to stay with me now as he wishes, and I get to see my 13 yr old daughter every 2nd weekend as long as she is happy to. The mother must bring her down and she has to come with me for 1 weekend at least she can't just say I don't want to or I'm scared...

The judge said he was happy with my attempts to make contact and the records I kept but took a dim view to the mother not appearing and I think that is why I got my access...

On the upside I did not need a solicitor which was really good

Cody Pomeray

Glad it worked out, and as long as you and the kids are happy, that's great.

Nevertheless, given, among other factors, that you may have played a significant role in your children's lives up until 4 years ago (one child is as old as 13), it would be wrong to disregard the fact that legal representation may have better improved your status with regard to your children.

If you are happy with the ruling, and seek nothing more, that's obviously great, and it ends there.

But in general, I would say that seeking legal advice is genuinely in a father's best interests. I make plenty of criticisms of the expense of engaging legal professionals in Ireland, so while cost is a genuine constraint, you wouldn't engage in a legal dispute about a property, or a large diamond, without taking legal advice. It's almost always a bad idea not to take legal advice or seek representation regarding things that are far more precious.

Stainlessstill

"What Mama Don't Know Won't Hurt her". Once you have your Children you can do what you like and Bring them wherever you like as long as you Bring them back on time. She has No Say in the Matter.

FreudianSlippers

Only because you're new here will I say this: please don't bump old threads with non-contributions. Legal Discussion attempts to hold a higher standard of posting/contributions (if I can say that without sounding like an arse).