Birthday presents for husbands Nieces/Nephews

silly

My husband has 3 older siblings, they all have children - 9 between the 3 of them, they were all born before I met my husband. He never got them birthday presents, but his mother used to sign his name to her card with a present she bought them. When we moved in together, i decided to send a card from us, he said not to bother with a present as he never bothered. They wouldnt be very close to his 3 older siblings, like they get on and all that, just don't have much to do with eachother, (maybe because he is the youngest and didnt have kids like them) whereas i would be used to a close relationship with mine and always get my nieces and Nephew presents for christmas and Birthdays. (i only have 3)
Now we have a child of our own, we celebrated his 1st birthday not long ago and he recieved presents from his Aunts/Uncles.
Now i feel that we should be getting his Nieces/Nephews presents - but he doesnt really get it, he is thinking e20 x 9 = e180 is alot to spend on other kids. But i know he will have no problem accepting presents for our child on his birthdays.

I have told him that in the new year we will start fresh and give each of his nieces/nephews presents, do ye think that is fair? I'm not sure what we will get each child as we rarely see them and not sure what they are into...( a few of the girls would probably be easy to buy for but there are a few teenager boys that i wouldnt have a clue!)

How much money would be acceptable to spend on each child would ye think? do you think money in a card would be acceptable for older kid?

Need to get this sorted as i felt really embarrassed having my son recieve presents when their kids don't.

m'lady

I would definitely be giving them something anyway, or you could approach your husbands siblings and 'call it quits'? It was your sons first birthday and was therefore a special one, so maybe they don't have any intention of buying next year?
Like yourself I'd be embarrassed, and would want it sorted ASAP..

Money in a card is always acceptable from a teenagers standpoint! Or even credit for their phone? Another suggestion would be to maybe bring them out (cinema or something) and let that be all their gifts got? I would think the average is about €20 per child, but if you can't afford that then adjust it to your means, don't put yourself under pressure over it!

KKkitty

Money in a card should do. Kids change their interests so quick. Only what you can afford though.

maryk123

If you are receiving presents for your child and accepting them then I would feel you would have to give a present back. Usually 20 euro per present. N fairness you can pick up great bits in sales. Most school going children love stuff for school and teenagers love a few pound.

Mink

If you are close enough to them that you could say it, you could say "call it quits"?

I have a one yr old now (as you know Silly ) but I've given pressies to my husbands niece & 2 nephews as well as my own two nieces and nephew for all the birthdays and Christmas.

Now I would be the more miserly one out of our couple and would be more inclined to just gift the god children or do a kris kindle for them at Christmas etc. However if himself had his way we'd be spending 50 quid on each of them and giving them extra presents throughout the year. He's generous but just way too much sometimes.

Even my mil was questioning why I would get presents for the kids when they are not our godchildren.

Well anyway I've given them pressies for years so I'm fine with receiving stuff for my guy now.

Teenagers love vouchers for clothes, cinema, credit etc. For kids where I don't know what they're into I text/email the mother and ask them for ideas.

But don't stretch beyond your means. We go 30 each but if I had my way it would be max 20.

silly

Thanks everyone, I wouldnt be very close to his siblings, only one lives near us and my son has only met her 3 times since christmas....and she lives 10 mins away. Thats just the kind of relationship they have. I will just give money and presents for the few that i know what they are into.

freshpopcorn

I would say money in a card(to be honest) unless you knew they would really like something and didn't have it.

Toast4532

In our family my mum and her siblings would only give presents until we turned 18, after that, its onyl significant birthdays (18th, 21st, 30th etc).

At Christmas we do Kris Kindle. All my cousins have kids now and some even come home from abroad so if we were to buy presents for everyone it would cost a fortune and not all of us have that money to spend.

Personally I only buy for my parents, granny, boyfriend and siblings, no one else.

I used to take part in KK but then a cousin once said to me (I had to buy for her) "I want a voucher for Penneys, I want to make sure I get the full amount".

In other words, she didn't want me to buy her make-up, shoes, clothes, jewellery etc in case it cost less than the agreed amount for KK. After that I refused to take part.

silly

the kids do Kris Kindle at christmas alright - on my husbands side, so at least i dont have to worry about christmas presents for them all.

huskerdu

My brother and his wife have just had their first child, after years of trying. There are 8 grandchildren already.
We are showering them with gifts, as it is a big deal and they have been generous with their time and attention to our kids over the years and its nice to mark someones first child, as it is a big deal for them.

However, that does not mean that we all have to buy 9 gifts every year. Its not feasible, not fair to put this financial pressure on people in this climate and no-one expects it.

Find out what the family etiquette is for presents, It may be that the current 9 grandchildren don't get a €20 gift from each of their aunts/uncles every year and you starting it could be putting everyone else under pressure.

If I were you, I would talk to your in-laws, thank them for the presents and find out that is expected.

Penny Dreadful

I'm from a family of 6 children and as kids our aunts/uncles would buy us either a Christmas present or birthday present and my parents were the same.
In my family now I have 6 nieces and nephews and the present buying has caused a little hassle in some ways.
For Christmas and birthdays we pool our money and the children get one good present which is from all of us. The parents (i.e. both of my sisters) get combined birthday presents too (i.e. one gift from all) and my parents give a token gift to the parents (i.e. their daughters) and a present for the kids.

One of the mothers suggested that we stop buying presents for each other totally and spend all of our money on the children. Those of us that don't have children would effectively get no presents at all but still spend money on her children. We said no thanks but we're happy not to spend money on you any more if you want.
To be fair she is quite the selfish one and thinks her children are the best ever..........in actual fact they're pretty unpleasent kids to be around where as my other sister's kids are great fun.

Honey-ec

I've seven nieces & nephews, and another one on the way. Three Christmasses ago, my brother suggested that the five of us (siblings) pool our money and get the kids one big present each out of it, rather than everyone buying each of them a gift. It's worked a charm. They still, however, get individual birthday presents and it's getting to be a very expensive business, tbh.

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

One of the mothers suggested that we stop buying presents for each other totally and spend all of our money on the children. Those of us that don't have children would effectively get no presents at all but still spend money on her children.

Jesus Christ, the mind boggles, it really does.

Suucee

What were doing this year with OHs family is kris kindle for adults 4 siblings and there 4 partners. Then the kids do a kris kindle. We onlyhave 1 child and 1 on the way but OHs sisters have 2 kids each so they will end up buying 2 presents. His brother has no kids so wont have to buy any.
We always club together to get there parents something and tell them not to bother with us and sonethibg small for kids if they (well mil) really wants.
But she always gets every1 something .

My family is harder as i have 1 sibling abroad , no kids. Then a sister with 2 kids and brother with 4. They dont talk and dont buy gifts afaik (i dont get involved) . So i get all if the kids 6 of them something small about 20 euro and dont buy the adults. Wish i could sort someway to save myself a few quid like with OHs family but its prob easier to not even bring it up.

Oral Slang

With my inlaws, we do a Krist Kindle for the adults - 9 of us & then we all buy for the kids, 7 so far, 8 by next month. I think it sounds like a good idea to maybe pool all the money together & buy them 1 big present, rather than loads of little ones, so might try broach the subject.

My side is easier as I'm the only one with kids 1 & baby due shortly. I've 3 brothers and always tell them I don't expect presents for my kids, so it's up to them if they want to buy. If they have kids in the future, maybe we'll look at a Kris Kindle or something (easier to ask my own family anyway).