Ex won't leave me alone

LegacyUser

To cut a long story short, my ex of 2 years still won't leave me alone.
We had a very intense relationship of 2 years and went through a lot, death in his family, bought a house, miscarriages and more.

I have since moved on, and his constant texting, phone calls, etc do not actually bother me, because I just feel he is a sorry man sitting alone wishing things could have been different, but they wind my boyfriend up (who I live with). I never enter into any correspondence with him, ignore texts when they come in, don't answer phone calls.

I have changed my number, but through mutual friends has gotten it.

I don't even hate him because I don't have any thoughts or feelings for him, I'm just over it and bored now.

How do I get him to leave me alone without getting into a conversation to him???

silly

I;m surprised that he would still be at it after 2 years with no reply from you at all!? He is determined! The only advice i could give would be to ignore him, but if you are already doing that then i'm not sure.
What does he say in the txts?

Starokan

I am pretty sure you can block his number so that no texts or calls will ever come through, just ask your phone provider to do this, if he persists and starts to use a different number then I would contact gardai and ask them to have a word in his ear...

I know it does not bother you but two years is a long time to put up with that

Do you know which mutual friends have given him your number? This is complete ignorance, especially since they probably know what is happening. Change your number again, but ensure not to give it to your friends. Contact your ex and tell him that if he doesn't stop, you'll contact the Gardaí as it is essentially harassment, is it not? If you have a smartphone, you can download apps that will block calls and texts from certain numbers.

I know you used to be able to go the your network provider and ask them to blacklist numbers, so they can't contact you any further, but I'm unsure as to whether they still do. It's worth checking out.

McDonnellDean

If you genuinely want it to stop you need to respond to him and explain that any further contact will have to be reported to the guards. There is nice ways of putting this but essentially after two years it should (rightly) be considered stalking.

desbrook

Deleted User wrote: »

Do you know which mutual friends have given him your number? This is complete ignorance, especially since they probably know what is happening. Change your number again, but ensure not to give it to your friends. Contact your ex and tell him that if he doesn't stop, you'll contact the Gardaí as it is essentially harassment, is it not? If you have a smartphone, you can download apps that will block calls and texts from certain numbers.

I know you used to be able to go the your network provider and ask them to blacklist numbers, so they can't contact you any further, but I'm unsure as to whether they still do. It's worth checking out.

I'm with emobile and a single two minute phonecall blocked a certain number . No questions asked - easy . Meteor are the same I think . In the case of the others a Garda letter is required AFAIK. Personally though after all this time I'd go to the gaurds and have a word . They have a good record of warning people off this kind of behaviour and take stalking very seriously these days . It is stalking - no question . Don't be in denial .

As mentioned smartphone apps for this exist . They are ok to a point but are no substitute for initially getting the number blocked . They are best at blocking calls and texts from unknown (not in your contacts ) or private numbers . Most are free .

Merkin

desbrook wrote: »

Personally though after all this time I'd go to the gaurds and have a word . They have a good record of warning people off this kind of behaviour and take stalking very seriously these days . It is stalking - no question . Don't be in denial .

It's stalking if she has asked him to cease and desist. She has made no mention of the fact that she has explicitly said for him never to contact her again.

OP, I don't understand why you can't send a letter by registered post asking him to stop contacting you? Also have his number blocked. If you're not asking him to stop then how is he to know it bothers you?

desbrook

Merkin wrote: »

It's stalking if she has asked him to cease and desist. She has made no mention of the fact that she has explicitly said for him never to contact her again.

OP, I don't understand why you can't send a letter by registered post asking him to stop contacting you? Also have his number blocked. If you're not asking him to stop then how is he to know it bothers you?

Apologies - yes Merkin is right. You must clearly any unequivocally tell him you wish no contact of ANY kind OP. Personally I would begin by texting such a message. That's what I did as well as blocking and it worked.

njs030

Tell him to stop without engaging I any other conversation. Just simply go away and stop bothering me.

If you do that a few times then tell him he has one last chance before you contact the guards and then follow through.
I sure having a call/visit from them will shut him up!

You can't be ms nice gal all the time.

aaaaaaaahhhhhh

Frustration!!! wrote: »

To cut a long story short, my ex of 2 years still won't leave me alone.
We had a very intense relationship of 2 years and went through a lot, death in his family, bought a house, miscarriages and more.

I have since moved on, and his constant texting, phone calls, etc do not actually bother me, because I just feel he is a sorry man sitting alone wishing things could have been different, but they wind my boyfriend up (who I live with). I never enter into any correspondence with him, ignore texts when they come in, don't answer phone calls.

I have changed my number, but through mutual friends has gotten it.

I don't even hate him because I don't have any thoughts or feelings for him, I'm just over it and bored now.

How do I get him to leave me alone without getting into a conversation to him???

I'm in the same position at the moment.

Was going out with a very insecure girl for 4 years. She has no friends except for the social network I opened her up to.

We broke up five months ago but I have seen her every weekend since, simply because she keeps going to my friends houses. She even resorted to buying their friendship with free clothing etc.

If I were you, leave it in one ear and out the other, keep ignoring because you owe him nothing and he is just trying to grasp onto some kind of contact in the hope that eventually yee will get back together.

The Corinthian

Frustration!!! wrote: »

To cut a long story short, my ex of 2 years still won't leave me alone.

You can't make someone love you; but you can stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in...

I've had one or two ex's stalk me in the past. It's very disconcerting, because it's clearly divorced from reality and seems to work on the logic that we're meant to be, but I just haven't realized it yet, despite the fact that were they to die tomorrow, I wouldn't even notice, let alone particularly care.

It's a difficult thing to handle, as obsessive loves, when rejected, can quickly devolve to insane hatreds. So tread carefully.

How do I get him to leave me alone without getting into a conversation to him???

While you don't have to get into a conversation with him, you are going to have to tell him that he should desist. As has been suggested, I would prepare an SMS, that goes on the lines of:

"It's been 2 years and it should be clear to you by now that I don't want to keep contact with you, although I mean you no ill. You should accept this and move on. Please do not contact me again. Your number will be blocked once this text is sent."

Save it as a draft, wait until the next time he contacts you, then send it (making sure you get a delivery receipt) and finally phone up your operator and ask them to block his number.

If this does not work, you'll need to contact the Gardai. Given he's persisted for two years, I expect it'll come to this, but you'll have your SMS and delivery receipt to show them that you've asked him to desist, and so they'll be able to act on this.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for replies, I will look into getting his numbers (yes he uses various ones) blocked.i suppose I should clarify a few things here, I rushed it yesterday.

We had to keep contact for a year due to paper work with the house etc, and while I was always civil, I never entered into any chit chat or banter with him. When everything was sorted I wished him well and told him not to contact me again. Approx 6 months ago, I began receiving two texts and or phone calls a month ( most recent being day before yesterday, 'hi, how are you? Give me a call love' followed by 'are you ok?' And two phone calls within the space of 10 mins.

He always chooses dates that are important, my birthday, anniversaries of our miscarriages etc to make contact, which I think is a bit unfair as he knows how I would be feeling on those dates.

He can become angry easily and I suppose I am afraid of what he might say/do if I send him a strongly worded note/text as we do have mutual friends etc.

I'm just fed up of it all now.

I will have that text ready thanks Corinithan! My friend works in a Garda office so going to have a chat with him.

Thanks of all replies

Frustration!!!

Frustration!!! wrote: »

anniversaries of our miscarriages

I'm sorry, but what a horrible, horrible, horrible thing for anybody to do. Use something like that as an excuse to try and resume contact.

Kashkai

While what that guy is doing is wrong (for the OP and for his own mental state), he clearly needs professional help. He's obviously still "in love" with the OP and can't accept it's over (and which of us in failed relationships haven't had trouble letting go - although two years later is extreme). Maybe he's suffering too on the anniversaries of the miscarriages? I know I still remember when my ex miscarried. It affects men too as they to lose an unborn child.

Instead of going at him all guns blazing, have you thought about contacting his family to explain the situation and to suggest that perhaps he needs to talk to someone, just not you OP.

What he's doing is wrong but try the less confrontational approach first and if that fails, then he's had his chance to back away gracefully.

LegacyUser

OP here.

I would not approach his family, as they have their own lives and don't feel it is there duty to have to care for a man in his late 30s. And I am also unsure as to how much they know of the situation, as my ex and his family are distant. I have however asked friends, both mutual and his to try to talk to him.

For the record, I have never once been anything but civil to him. I have never played into the name calling/slander etc and I have never once raised my voice or swore at him. I don't believe in any of these things as a rule and I treat him with the same respect that I treat everyone else.

I understand if effects the men too, but he refused to go to speak to someone (with me or by himself) and didn't attend any of the masses the hospital held so for me to try and take care of us both was hard.

I have also found out, that he took a friends phone while in the pub and took my number out of it unbeknown to the person, who called me today to apologise.

I appreciate all the advice