Urgently need advice on College homesickness.

HomesickKid

Hi,
I currently feel the unhappiest I've ever felt in my life due to the fact I've just left home for a college 2 hours away. I have panic attacks every night and cry myself to sleep. Every morning, I feel sick to my stomach. I have plenty of friends where I'm staying, but I just can't settle. I'm also one of the youngest incoming first years and have to stay in every night while my friends go out.

Add to this the fact that I'm very close with my mom, dad and brother who are living at home and the fact that I don't like my college course that I'm doing. If I returned home, I could work with my uncle for the next 11 months and apply from a college course in my local IT, which my brother is currently doing and which I have a large interest in. My parents would be perfectly fine with me going home for the year, so there's nothing stopping me.

Honestly, I really hate living here and the course I'm doing here. I think I made too big a change too quicly.

I'm just looking for advice from other people on what I should do.

Thanks in advance.

TLDR: Have chronic homesickness whilst doing my college course, can go home and do a different course. Appreciate any help.

December2012

How can you not like the course? You've only just started it.

Give yourself time and don't expect too much.

Why can't you go out?

MollFlanders

If you are going to drop out, don't leave it too late, as if you apply for another course in the IT next year you may have to pay full fees for the first year if you were in college past a certain date.
My advice would be to pop into the career services dept and check out your options. You are very new to your course so maybe give it some time, but if you are so miserable then drop out but fill in any required forms, de-register properly so you do not incur any unnecessary fees. Life is too short to be miserable! Good luck OP.

emilyjmc

It sounds like you have maybe flown the nest a little earlier than you were ready to and it must be really difficult to cope with being away from the security of family and familiar surroundings.
It is a huge adjustment leaving home for the first time but try to remember that you will get past feeling sad, it is only temporary.
If you are not old enough to go out to the pubs etc yet maybe look into joining societies in your college for non-drinkers, or that are based around non alcohol related activities. Maybe if you are keeping yourself busier socially you will find you are not as lonely and homesick. If you have already looked into this or are doing it I apologise for being presumptious.
I'd give the course another couple of weeks if you can (and if you won't be stung for fees next year by not leaving earlier) and as a poster said above, speak the the college counsellors about your options.
Wishing you the best of luck, no matter what you decide to do.

thegreatgonzo

Go and find someone in the college to talk to about this if you don't know who the appropriate person is go into the student's union and they will tell you.
Maybe you would be happier quitting this and doing the other course next year, or maybe you are not seeing things clearly because you are unhappy. That's why you really need to chat to someone like the last poster said.
My own brother suffered terribly with homesickness when he started uni years ago. Like you he was really close to his family and was only 17 when he started. He got very involved in clubs and societies and not only did he settle in and make lots of friends, he eventually became SU president and came out with great results. So my point is, a bad start is just a setback and life can change dramatically for the better:-)

hoodwinked

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

Go and find someone in the college to talk to about this if you don't know who the appropriate person is go into the student's union and they will tell you.

op please do this before you think of doing anything else, so many students feel like you do when they first start college or move somewhere new, remember you are dealing with two major life changes and it is normal to feel like you do, go find someone in the college to talk to, do they operate a peer support system? or a counseling service? or a student union? try those first and foremost, they will be trained in how to help you make the right decision for you, or direct you to someone who can help.

good luck op

Merkin

I'm confused. How long ago did you move to college and start the course? It can only be a wet week?

lukesmom

Go home as its pretty obvious from your post that this is what would make you happiest. You are very young and can do the other course next year. No point in being miserable.

Stavro Mueller

You know, I could've written so many of your words in my first week of university..I found the start of my university days tough going too. A lot of people do - don't let the faces fool you. I was very close to my family and hadn't ever really been away from home in my 17 years on the planet. So I missed them, especially my mum. I was lonely, heartbroken, living in a place I didn't like and I knew nobody. I was almost counting down the hours til Friday and when I could catch the bus home. A few times I rang my mum and just sobbed down the phone to her. And that's before I go on about the course itself that was so different to that I was used to in school. I think if I'd felt I had the option of dropping out, I'd have done so. I was so so miserable in those first couple of weeks that I could easily have done something I regretted.

What wasn't helping either was the knowledge that I'd turned down the option of doing a lesser course in the local Institute of Technology. That was where my classmates had mostly gone and of course it would've meant living at home. My career guidance teacher told me at the time that I needed to tear myself away from my family and she was so right. Leaving home to go to university was a wrench initially but it was the making of me. I got a degree, I made some friends I'm still in touch with and I ended up having a great time there.

I'm not saying that your circumstances are the same as mine but maybe my experience will give you food for thought. A lad in my class walked out of his degree course after a few days and never went back. Last I heard he was doing odd jobs.

My advice to you is not to do anything hasty. People feeling rattled in the first few weeks of college isn't unusual at all. It can be very tough for some people but it does get better. If you do quit, you shouldn't do it because you are running away from where you are now. Take a look at the college notice boards and see if there's information about a chaplaincy or a counselling service. You're not the first student to feel this distressed, nor will you be the last. It might help you get some perspective on things.

Faith

cymbaline wrote: »

You know, I could've written so many of your words in my first week of university..I found the start of my university days tough going too. A lot of people do - don't let the faces fool you. I was very close to my family and hadn't ever really been away from home in my 17 years on the planet. So I missed them, especially my mum. I was lonely, heartbroken, living in a place I didn't like and I knew nobody. I was almost counting down the hours til Friday and when I could catch the bus home. A few times I rang my mum and just sobbed down the phone to her. And that's before I go on about the course itself that was so different to that I was used to in school. I think if I'd felt I had the option of dropping out, I'd have done so. I was so so miserable in those first couple of weeks that I could easily have done something I regretted.

What wasn't helping either was the knowledge that I'd turned down the option of doing a lesser course in the local Institute of Technology. That was where my classmates had mostly gone and of course it would've meant living at home. My career guidance teacher told me at the time that I needed to tear myself away from my family and she was so right. Leaving home to go to university was a wrench initially but it was the making of me. I got a degree, I made some friends I'm still in touch with and I ended up having a great time there.

I'm not saying that your circumstances are the same as mine but maybe my experience will give you food for thought. A lad in my class walked out of his degree course after a few days and never went back. Last I heard he was doing odd jobs.

My advice to you is not to do anything hasty. People feeling rattled in the first few weeks of college isn't unusual at all. It can be very tough for some people but it does get better. If you do quit, you shouldn't do it because you are running away from where you are now. Take a look at the college notice boards and see if there's information about a chaplaincy or a counselling service. You're not the first student to feel this distressed, nor will you be the last. It might help you get some perspective on things.

That's exactly my experience, except in my case, I moved to Scotland when I had an offer to do the exact same course in the University in my city that all my friends were going to. I knew nobody in the entire country!

It was hard, it was horrible, and I cried every night for about a fortnight. It took maybe two months to settle in, but 8 years later, I could not be more happy with my decision to stick it out. I hated my course to begin with, and it was completely different to how I'd expected. But in time, I made friends and it all started to come together. I grew up so much and became even more independent than I had already been.

I'd definitely advise you to stick it out. I know too well how hard and painful it is, but when you get through the first few weeks, it gets SO much better!

Stavro Mueller

It's worth bearing in mind too that you chose this course over that other one for a reason. Because you are so desperately unhappy the other one probably seems like the most attractive course in the world.

You might feel a bit left out at the moment because you're not going out every night and getting plastered with the others. That's going to come to an end soon. The novelty of being away from the watchful eye of their parents and the need to start doing actual work will slow that down big time. It's also not the be-all and end-all of socialising and having a good time. Have you tried to talk to your classmates yet? Would you think about joining up some clubs and doing fun stuff?

TheBellJar

HomesickKid wrote: »

Hi,
I currently feel the unhappiest I've ever felt in my life due to the fact I've just left home for a college 2 hours away. I have panic attacks every night and cry myself to sleep. Every morning, I feel sick to my stomach. I have plenty of friends where I'm staying, but I just can't settle. I'm also one of the youngest incoming first years and have to stay in every night while my friends go out.

Add to this the fact that I'm very close with my mom, dad and brother who are living at home and the fact that I don't like my college course that I'm doing. If I returned home, I could work with my uncle for the next 11 months and apply from a college course in my local IT, which my brother is currently doing and which I have a large interest in. My parents would be perfectly fine with me going home for the year, so there's nothing stopping me.

Honestly, I really hate living here and the course I'm doing here. I think I made too big a change too quicly.

I'm just looking for advice from other people on what I should do.

Thanks in advance.

TLDR: Have chronic homesickness whilst doing my college course, can go home and do a different course. Appreciate any help.

If you're unhappy and you have a plan in place if you quit, then quit. Life's too short and you're only young yet, you have plenty of time to figure out what you want and how you want to do it. Maybe the extra year would do you some good.

Merkin

I went to boarding school at thirteen so I do know what homesickness feels like, I was desperately homesick for the first few weeks and then enjoyed it - I forged friendships for life. I can't imagine how life would have been different had I decided to pack up and go home at the first sign of it not being easy.

Part of growing up and being an adult is moving out of home. It is a fundamental right of passage and while you may feel a bit of homesickness at the start, I think the advice of dropping out of your course is simply ridiculous. You're presumably 18 years old and you're setting off on a new path. It's what people of your age do. An exciting path that may feel a little lonely and unfamiliar to start with but once you are over that then you can concentrate on meeting new people, learning new things and growing in confidence into a mature and independent adult. And having lots of fun along the way!

Running home to the family nest because you're scared of what lies ahead is seriously inadvisable.

You'll be fine. The homesickness will pass, just give it a bit more time and know that these feelings won't last forever.

HomesickKid

HomesickKid wrote: »

I'm also one of the youngest incoming first years and have to stay in every night while my friends go out.

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

My own brother suffered terribly with homesickness when he started uni years ago. Like you he was really close to his family and was only 17 when he started. He got very involved in clubs and societies and not only did he settle in and make lots of friends, he eventually became SU president and came out with great results.

Being too young for the kind of socialising that so many people throw themselves into when they leave home is a big problem. My son is 17 and is excluded from many events but he's making an effort to get involved in societies and clubs in order to have a busy social life without alcohol, you can do it.

How old are you, OP?

freshpopcorn

When I went to college I only knew one person and he was older than me at the time. All of my friends went to different colleges. My best friend and myself were doing the same course and we went to different cities because we wanted to meet new people.
When you did apply for the course what attracted to it in the first place? Can you connect with this at all.

As for not going out. They are surely house parties/predrinking going on. Could you go along to these?
If drinking wasn't your thing could you have a movie night in with your friends or you could go to the cinema at night or even late night shopping(you don't have to buy anything).

LegacyUser

Sorry but it is time for you to grow up and realise that as a adult you have to leave home.
Yes you miss your Mammy but after doing your leaving cert you should be glad of the chance of leaving home, going to college, doing a degree and making new friends.

You decided to do your particular course in college for a number of reasons rather than go to the local It. Also at this stage your freinds are moving on with there lives so going to the local IT next year won't mean they will be around.

At this stage you need to join some socities. See if you can get involved with the college football, hurling or rugby team. Also see if you can take up some new activity or learn some new skills which will help you meet more people.
Once you start to make some friends you will find that things will get better for you.
Also once you finish your degree you may do futher study or move aboard to get work or experience.

One of my family members started in college a number of years ago. At the time a few weeks into there course they thought they made a wrong decision but they decided to see how it would pan out. They ended up getting a 1st in this course and doing a masters.
They now have a very good job in this area.

If you start to make an effort now college will get better for you.

alleystar

If you're that down OP de-register and go home. By the sound of it, you already have your mind made up and just want reassurance on your decision.

From what I can tell you're only seventeen so maybe a year at home would do you the world of good. The fact you have a job lined up is a huge plus. You might actually want to move away next year, you never know.

Alternatively like other posters said you could stick it out for a time and see how things go. At the start everything is up in the air. Although I understand how frustrating that advice can be especially when you're so upset. I wanted to drop out of college after the first week last year because I absolutely hated the place with a passion, ended up sticking it out for awhile and then dropped out in late November because the course just wasn't for me. And I still stick by my decision. I think there are no fee implications if you drop out before the end of October (I could be wrong though, best to check it up).

Good luck on your decision OP.

LegacyUser

I feel that it would be a terrible and very hasty mistake to throw in the towel so soon. Of course this is a huge change in your life, but as someone else rightly pointed out, you picked this course for a reason!

Your family and friends will (hopefully!) always be there for you - but this opportunity won't always be available; unless you have brilliant results and wealthy parents who can pay full fees if you drop out/switch.

I think it would be a huge mistake to throw away a good start in your adult life for the sake of familiarity in an environment you're used to. Part of growing up is making your own choices/your own way in the world. This could be a huge development experience for you - please don't throw that away lightly.

Lots of people don't get the opportunity you have, so please make the most of it

superman28

I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time, however, you made choices about your course and where you are studying so you should give it a good try.

If you get it into your head that you will only be happy near home then you will never settle down in College.. Your choices now about what path in education you take will shape the rest of your life and is extremely important, the local IT near your home may not offer as good a course and for that reason alone you should try and stick it out where you are..

If you have any family at all near by, I would get in touch with them,, It is nice to have some family (even if a distant cousin) to meet and chat too,, it makes you feel at home.. If you are too young to drink or go to pubs,, I would strongly suggest joining as many clubs/socs as possible,, they are a great way to make friends..

You should accept that this change is a big one,, but you should really make an effort to be positive,, think positive.. If you are bright enough to the points for the course,, you are able to handle the workload.. it can be very daunting at first I know... but don't get stressed out about it.. I would set yourself a goal, of staying for 1 term,, no matter what,, this will remove the option of 'maybe going home' and you will have to get on with it and embrace it.. but do talk to someone,, crying every night seems a bit extreme to me.. when I was 15 I was shipped off for 2 months to school in France, with no friends, and no french... but I got on with it.. and it stood to me..

I do feel sorry for you,, but believe me, this is a great opportunity,, don't throw in the towel.. go out embrace your course and be strong..

Merkin

I meant to say something to you also in my original post. Try to not visit home at all for the first month or so. A trip home at this juncture will only unsettle you further and you'd be far better toughing it out for a few weeks and throwing yourself wholeheartedly into the whole college experience and allowing yourself to settle in rather than dashing home to your family only to have to return again, you'll be doing yourself no favours. Stick it out, this phase you're going through will soon be a distant memory.

freshpopcorn

Merkin wrote: »

I meant to say something to you also in my original post. Try to not visit home at all for the first month or so. A trip home at this juncture will only unsettle you further and you'd be far better toughing it out for a few weeks and throwing yourself wholeheartedly into the whole college experience and allowing yourself to settle in rather than dashing home to your family only to have to return again, you'll be doing yourself no favours. Stick it out, this phase you're going through will soon be a distant memory.

Sometimes people's parents expect them to come home for most reasons in the first few months because often the parents are paying the bills, they miss their kids, also the person at college might have prior commitments at home my sister had to return home(almost 4-5 hours) to football training when she went to college, students also look forward to catching up with their friends/family.